My Way Home is Through You

I don’t see why you’re trying so hard to fit in? You don’t need anyone, you were doing so much better with out them. I placed my cheek on the cool table in the lunch room and closed my eyes. The voice hadn’t stopped since Mikey had come and talked to Gerard and I. It was driving me mad, it also had Gerard worried. I told him that I was just tired.

The voice finally silenced and I pulled my head up from the table and pulled the tray of food closer to me. I grabbed the apple that was sitting on the tray and wiped it off on my shirt. I brought the red apple to my mouth and took a bite from it. I chewed the piece in my mouth slowly as I sat between Gerard and his brother Mikey. They were all laughing about something that I didn’t get. Must have been some sort of insider.

“Is everything alright?” Gerard had leaned over and whispered into my ear. I nodded and looked at him and smiled to reassure that in fact I was fine.

I slowly ate the rest of my apple as Gerard’s friends continued talking. I had been introduced to each one of them; they seemed like pretty alright guys. There was Frank of course; he was the youngest of all the friends. Then Mikey, Gerard’s younger brother. Then Bob, he had blonde hair and the most dazzling blue eyes I have ever seen. The last one was Ray, he was the same age as Gerard and I and he had the crazy mop of hair that sat on his head, it was almost mesmerising.

I looked up from my apple and met the eyes of Bob. He was staring at me quite intensely and I waved my hand in front of his face to get him to stop.

“Oh sorry,” He laughed and finished the rest of the food on his tray. I laughed as he looked up and had some sort of sauce on his chin.

“Bob, you got a little sauce on your chin.” Gerard pointed out. Bob grabbed a napkin quickly and wiped at the spot and turned beet red.

The end of lunch bell rang and the group of boys got up from the table, I too grabbed my lunch tray and dumped the contents of it into the trash. The guys waved good bye to me as they exited through the cafeteria doors. Gerard had followed me to the trash can and repeated what I had done.

“You didn’t eat much of anything Mackenzie.” He said in a worried tone.

“I wasn’t that hungry, Gerard.” I said to him.

“Well you have to eat Mackenzie.” He said keeping pace with me.

“I know Gerard; I’m not a little girl.’ I said back to him, with a bit of annoyance attached to my response.

“I’m only watching out for you Mackenzie.” He said defensively.

I sighed in frustration and kept on walking. I was starting to rethink the whole being friend’s thing. It was so much easier to be a loner where I could do what I wanted without having someone comment on my every movement. But then again it also was nice to have someone around and take care of me.

“I know Gee, it’s just that I’m not used to this whole, well this. To be completely honest I never really had many friends growing up.” He looked at me dumb founded.

“You mean to say that you have never had a best friend growing up?” He asked. I nodded, confirming his question. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“Nope, I’m not a kidder Gerard.” I realized that we were near our lockers and I quickly retrieved my art supplies for next class.

Gerard and I continued down the hall and as we were walking Gerard’s hand would sometimes lightly brush across mine. I don’t really think he noticed, but I could say different. Every time his hand brushed across mine a burst of butterflies would erupt in my stomach.

“So do you think your parents will let you stay out after school tonight?” Gerard asked as we walked down the hall to his locker to retrieve his art supplies.

“I’m not sure; I’d have to ask them first.” Gerard nodded his head, as we made our way done the hall and entered the art class.

We sat at the table in the middle of the class and we both began to sketch. I looked over at Gerard’s sketch book and sure enough The Breakfast Monkey covered the first page. I smiled and looked back over to my sketch and realized that I haven’t touched it since the day of the incident. I shook my head clear of those thoughts and started to work on the drawing.

The classroom became silent as Gerard and I sketched and others around the room worked on their art projects. I was nearing the end of my sketch when I heard two girls in front of me start talking, it was a little difficult to ignore because they were talking so loudly. Then I heard my name in their conversation.

I leaned forward and placed my sketchbook on the table in front of me and so did Gerard. We both made it look like we were sketching but in reality we were eavesdropping.

“So Mackenzie Woods is back.” The first girl said.

“Yeah, I heard.” She replied.

“I heard she was in the hospital for something, do you know why?” She asked her friend.

“I heard something about her going crazy and taking to much of her meds.” She replied.

At that instant I wanted to stop listening, I didn’t want to hear the rest of what they were saying. To think rumours were already being spread about me. I never bothered these people all through high school why did shit have to start now? I got up from my seat and grabbed my sketchbook and ran out of the class room.

Tears were streaming down my cheeks as ran down the hall, my conversed feet pounding on the ground with every step. I stopped suddenly and fell against the wall. I pulled my knees up to my chest and rested my head on them. I sat there crying until I heard foot steps approach me.

“Gerard I really don’t want to talk about it.” I said.

“I know, I just wanted to come and sit with you.” He said as he too slid down the wall and sat beside me.

I leaned my head on his shoulder as he wrapped his arm around me; more tears spilled over and stained his shirt. But he didn’t seem to care. I just couldn’t wait for this school year to be over, and then maybe things would go back to normal. I would be the invisible Mackenzie that everyone passed by everyday and still didn’t know my name even though I lived here my whole life, and Gerard and his friends would move on and forget about me, not that it would be that hard.

I didn’t deserve to have Gerard in my life. I was too broken to be around, I was digging my grave and I was slowly bringing Gerard into it. He didn’t need that, there was nothing wrong with him, and I was just going to end up breaking him too.