My Way Home is Through You

“Gerard?” I semi-yelled while trying to feel my way down the stairs. Why was it so dark? “Are you there?”

“Mackenzie?” A light turned on and I could finally see the stairs properly. I finally made it to the bottom and waited. I don’t know why I waited I just did, so many things were running through my head.

Gerard appeared in the doorway to his bedroom, he was wearing a black t-shirt and pair of plaid pyjama pants. “Are you okay?” Gerard asked.

“I’m fine.” I said as I slowly walked toward him. I passed by a mirror and caught a glimpse of myself, my hair was starting to ringlet as it dried and my makeup was smeared across my face, my clothes were also wet.

“I hate to say it, but you don’t look okay.” He smiled as he retreated to his room and came back out with a towel. I grabbed it from him and wiped at my face, I was beginning to shiver from the rain. “Here come with me.” He grabbed my hand and pulled me into his room, it was quite messy but I liked it. It suited Gerard.

He started to dig through drawers while looking for something. He threw a pair of pyjama pants at me along with a t-shirt. “I’ll wait out here while you change. I don’t want you getting sick from being in those wet clothes.” He left the room and shut the door. I smiled to myself as I pulled the clothes from my skin, quickly replacing them with the dry ones Gerard had given me. They were a bit big but they were comfy nonetheless, and they smelled like Gerard.

I walked over to the door and pulled it open, I laughed as Gerard stumbled backwards into the room.

“I didn’t think you would be allowed over.” Gerard said as we both sat down on his bed.

“Well my parents don’t exactly know I left.” I said while pulling at a lose string on the t-shirt.

“What happened?” Gerard asked as he pulled me closer to him, I leaned against him the warmth was nice.

“My dad doesn’t think you’re a good friend.” I said as I looked up at him. “My mother thought that you were staying for dinner, but my dad obviously had different thoughts.”

“Oh.” Gerard looked down at me. “I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?” I asked.

“I caused your parents to start fighting; I shouldn’t have tried to kiss you that night. If your dad didn’t see that then your parents would be okay.” He said while looking away. I pulled out of his arms.

“You mean that you would take back everything?” I asked. I thought back to what Mikey had just said. Gerard thought I was amazing, he thought I was beautiful.

“No, that’s not what I mean at all.” He said while reaching for my hand. “Mackenzie, look this is really hard for me to say, but I like you. I like you a lot.”

“Then why did you say that?” I asked.

“I said it because I don’t want to do anything that hurts you.” He said while staring straight into my eyes. “That is the last thing I would ever want to do.”

“Well, if I told you something, you wouldn’t think that I was some sort of maniac?” I asked. I looked at his eyes to see his reaction. He seemed more curious rather than anything else.

“Of course I wouldn’t” He said. I stayed silent for a minute trying to think of how to say it.

“Ever since I was little, I had this voice talking to me.” I didn’t want to look at him; I didn’t want to see his reaction so I continued with my story. “I know, little kids always hear things, or they make up things. But I’m not lying, as I got older the voice became more frequent it was always there, sometimes it would get so loud in my head I would scream.” This time I paused and looked into Gerard’s eyes.

“And then it started to say things about the way I was, I was too fat, I was ugly. I had no friends because I was this way.” Tears started to form and fall down and Gerard wiped them away. “I never had any friends because of the voice I wouldn’t let them get close enough. I started not to trust anyone, and that’s when I stopped eating. I lied to my parents when they asked me how long I hadn’t been eating for. I told them a month.” I had to stop to catch my breath and calm down. Gerard pulled me closer to his body and hugged me tightly as he placed small kisses on my neck and cheek.

“I had bulimia, for about five months I would eat and then get sick, but the voice was telling me that it wasn’t enough. It told me that I had to stop eating completely. That was the only way I could be beautiful.” I felt a tear drop hit my neck and turned so that I could see Gerard’s face. He was crying.

“But then you came into my life, and you saved me. Any time that I spent with you alone, the voice stayed away. I was starting to build confidence in myself, I was feeling happier. I’ve only known you for a short period of time, but it feels as if I’ve known you my whole life.” I looked away from Gerard; I didn’t want him to see me cry anymore. But his fingers slid underneath my chin and turned my face so that I was looking straight into his eyes.

He brought his face closer to mine and I did the same. Our lips finally connected and again it felt as if time had stopped, it just felt right. The kiss was filled with kindness and hurt. Tears were still falling from my eyes but I was desperately trying to pull my body closer to his, it was as if the kiss was drawing my body towards him. It was as if we were meant to be one.

I pulled away from the kiss breathless; this time I wasn’t trying to realize what happened, this time I needed him just to hold me in his arms.

“Could I stay here tonight?” I asked, hoping that he wouldn’t say no.

Gerard nodded and kissed me again, this time it was shorter but filled with just as much need. He got up from the bed and walked over to the light switch and turned it off. He made his way back to the bed and pulled the blankets away, I slid beneath them while Gerard followed behind. I wiped underneath my eyes as I let out a yawn.

Gerard pulled me closer to him and kept his arm securely around my waist, he placed butterfly kisses along the back off my neck and on my ear. He stopped at my ear only to whisper in it. “I love you Mackenzie.”

“I love you too.” I shut my eyes and soon sleep over came my body, I don’t know what I would do without him.