My Way Home is Through You

I woke up staring at a blank white wall, an arm draped around my waist. I smiled knowing where I was. I didn’t want to move, afraid that if I did I would actually wake from the dream and I would be back in my own bed.

“Are you awake?” Gerard whispered. I turned onto my other side and looked him in the eyes. He was absolutely beautiful; his hair was going in every direction, while some of it hung in his hazel eyes. “Good morning.” He said to me as he lightly kissed my forehead.

“Morning, “I smiled at him. “What time is it?” I asked. Not really wanting to know the answer. He turned around to look at the clock on the bed side table, his fingers dragging across the exposed skin of my back. It sent tingles through my body.

“Does it really matter?” He asked. I shook my head no, while I relaxed my body again. I slowly drifted in and out of sleep, my mind was alert but my body just stayed put. Gerard’s warm breath hitting my forehead every now and again was enough for me to stay exactly where I was. The rhythmic pattern of it almost made me forget the fact that my father was going to have a fit when I got home.

The silence continued and I was almost asleep when my stomach began growling. I shut my eyes tight, hoping that it would eventually stop, but the more I hoped the louder it got. I finally opened my eyes; Gerard was staring down at me.

He didn’t say a word; he just got up from the bed and reached out for my hand. I slowly got up and grabbed his hand linking our fingers. We both exited the room together, all the guys were sitting out in the living room and I tried to pull my hand from Gerard’s but he held on firmly.

“Gerard, let go.” I whispered, hoping that no one would hear us. Frank looked over with a confused look and then he caught a glimpse of our linked fingers.

“I knew it!” Frank exclaimed and jumped up from the floor and pointed towards Gerard and I. My face flushed red and I tried to get back into the room. I knew that they all were thinking the same thing. Frank ran around the couch and wrapped me in a hug. Gerard’s fingers finally loosened and I was able to hug Frank back.

“Frank, you’re crushing me!” I breathed out and tried to get more air back into my lungs with some difficulty. Again my stomach started growling and Frank pulled away quickly.

“I think your stomach is trying to eat itself.” Frank laughed and poked at my belly. I dodged his fingers while trying to push them away. By now I realized that all the guys had gathered around, I also noticed that Christa was standing beside Ray. Ray had his arms wrapped around her stomach in a protective sort of way and his head rested on her shoulder. The way his hair was flat on one side and the other puffed out on the other side made him look sort of ridiculous and I began laughing.

Ray noticed that I was laughing and raised his head from Christa’s shoulder, his hair puffing out again on the side that it was flat. “What?” He asked dumb founded. He wiped at his face vigorously and looked at his hands; he didn’t notice anything on them.

My laughing slowed and I could breathe again. I looked around the room and noticed that everyone was staring at me. I wiped the small amount of tears that built underneath my eyes and took a deep breath in. “Please Ray, promise me that you will never cut your hair short!” He stared at me with a confused look on his face. “Here just look.”

I walked around the group and reached up to grab Ray’s hair, I new it was puffy but I didn’t think he had that much. It took a few tries but soon I had all his hair bunched in my hands and I pulled it back softly so none of it hung in his face. I looked around his arm and noticed that everyone was laughing extremely hard. I pulled the elastic band that was around my wrist and tied it around the bunched up hair and tapped his arm lightly. “Now go look in the mirror.” I said.

We stood silently in Gerard’s doorway, until we heard the burst of laughter come from the bathroom. Soon Ray peered through the doorway again and was almost down on his hands and knees from laughter. Soon the chorus of laughter broke through the group again. I could still feel my stomach growling and I needed something to eat.

I manoeuvred through the group and soon found Gerard. He was laughing still but calmed down when he saw me. He looked me in the eye, almost like he was reading my mind. I pointed towards the stairs and he nodded his head. It was easy for Gerard and I to slip away unnoticed because everyone in the basement was still laughing.

It was a lot quieter upstairs, but I could still hear the muffled laughter from the basement. I smiled to myself, I never felt this at home in a long time. The Way household was quite clean but still had that homey feeling to it. I could tell Mrs. Way was doing laundry because I could smell the scent of bounce sheets coming from the laundry room, the house always seemed present of the smell. I think it was because the Way brothers went through so much clothing.

”What shall it be?” Gerard asked as we entered the Kitchen. He opened the pantry and showed me the various boxes of cereal he had in the cupboard. I scanned each one until my eyes came across the box of Lucky Charms. I reached out to grab the box but Gerard grabbed it quickly and closed the pantry while walking over to the cupboards and grabbing us each a bowl.

He poured a fair sized amount in each bowl and closed up the cereal box, he walked to the fridge and grabbed the carton of milk and poured it into each bowl. He placed the carton on the counter and pulled out the drawer and retrieved two spoons. He placed a spoon in each bowl and brought them over to the table.

I followed behind Gerard and sat down in the chair that he placed the cereal bowl in front of. I quickly glanced up at the clock and realized that it was an hour past noon, I thought about telling Gerard that I should head home but I decided to actually just keep my mouth shut. I picked up the spoon and ate some of the cereal. The cereal tasted amazing as I spooned more into my mouth, it felt as if I hadn’t eaten in ages and I was finally filling the gap in my stomach.

“Your stomach was pretty loud earlier, when was the last time you ate?” Gerard asked me. I quickly finished chewing my food and swallowed it.

“Um, around lunch time yesterday.” I said sheepishly. I didn’t want Gerard to get upset or worried about me, he didn’t need to.

“You didn’t eat supper last night?” Gerard looked up at me, his eyes contained the worry I was hoping wouldn’t be there.

“I was sort of having an argument with my father Gerard. What was I suppose to do, eat while I was yelling at him? Or while he was yelling crap about you?” I said defensively. Gerard looked away with hurt in his eyes and I instantly regretted what I just said. “I’m sorry Gerard I didn’t mean for it to come out that way. It’s just that no, I didn’t get a chance to eat supper.”

“It’s alright.” Gerard shrugged it off, but I could still tell that something was bothering him. I didn’t want to ask him about it because I knew he would eventually tell me when he was ready. I managed to shovel the rest of my cereal in my mouth and drank the milk from the bottom of the bowl. That was always my favourite part of breakfast, only because the milk was sweetened from the marshmallows and it tasted so much better than the normal milk.

I looked over at Gerard and noticed that he hadn’t touched his cereal since my last comment. “Gerard, are you alright?” I asked, placing the bowl on the counter and walking back over to him. “I didn’t mean to offend you when I said that.” I wrapped my arms around him, but he quickly twisted me so that I was sitting on his lap; my arms still wrapped around his neck.

“No, you didn’t offend me at all. I’ve just been thinking a lot lately.” Gerard said. He stared blankly at the wall on the other side of the room but he slowly traced patterns on my side as he held me in place.

“Thinking about what?” I asked, something was giving me the feeling that I wasn’t going to be happy with his answer.

“Just about me…and you,” He said. The lump in my throat felt like it was ready to burst anytime and as soon as it did the flood gates to my eyes were going to open and I would be a sobbing mess.

“How long have you had these feelings, about me?” Gerard asked in a voice barely above a whisper. I looked up at him, trying some way to connect my eyes with his. I wanted to see the emotion he was showing through them, but no matter how I moved I couldn’t quite see into them.

“Gerard, I’ve loved you since the first day I saw you, that day that you helped me with my books and things when I fell out of the office.” I said, taking a short pause I tried to think of my choice of words. “I mean, I may have not realized it then, that I was in love with you. But I do now. I know that I love you so much, that if you were ever taken away from me, well I don’t know what would happen.” I said. Complete honesty dripping from each word that came from my mouth.

Gerard smiled and looked down into my eyes; the emotion that spilled from his eyes was almost unbearable. There was sadness, happiness; I think every possible emotion was in his eyes at that moment. He leaned down and his lips met mine and we shared a tender kiss. It wasn’t full blown it was simply an innocent kiss, but I could still feel the emotion seeping into it.

We both pulled away from the kiss and I wrapped my arms tighter around his neck and nuzzled my face into the crook of the neck. “Gerard I need to go home.” I softly whispered, wishing that I didn’t have to say those words and that I could stay in his arms for the rest of my life.

His arms made me feel so safe and warm; it was the only place that I felt at home. I wasn’t just in a house with people that I cared about. I was in a home where I not only cared about the people, but the people also cared for me. I knew I wasn’t ready to go back to my house; I wasn’t ready to lose the feeling of home.