My Way Home is Through You

The rest of Saturday passed by in a blur; my stomach gurgled and growled at me notifying that it needed food. But there was no way that I was getting up to leave my room to face my father; I was just going to have to suffer. I looked over at the clock, an eight and two zeros stood out from the darkness in my bedroom. I contemplated sleep but as I tried to close my eyes I could only picture bad things. So it looked like sleep was out of the question.

I stared at my ceiling attempting to make shapes from the stucco paint, but it was to dark to even see the bumps. I was just about to get up from the bed when a knock came from my bedroom door. I made my mom wait this long so I decided to let her in.

I rolled off the bed slowly and walked over to the door, I pulled it open to reveal an empty hall way and I was just about to close the door when I noticed a piece of paper folded on the floor. I instantly recognized Gerard’s messy scrawl across the top of the paper. My heart started beating faster as I picked up the paper and closed the door quickly.

I stood staring at the paper and ran my fingers across the top of it where my name was printed. I walked over to my bed and turned on the lamp that sat on the bed side table. I could now make out the letters and quickly I unfolded the piece of paper, taking a few breaths I started reading the message.

Mackenzie,

Your mom phoned my mom to tell her to tell me about your dad, okay sorry about that, it didn’t make much sense. But what I’m really trying to say is that I’m sorry. I didn’t know any of this was going to get you hurt; it was the last thing on my mind; you know that I would never hurt you, right?

Well seeing as this is the only way that I can communicate with you outside of school, your mom has agreed to be a secret messenger. Despite the situation this is kind of cool. I don’t really understand what I did to make your dad not like me. If you know anyway that I could change myself so that things can go back to normal…then please let me know.

Anyways, I’m sure I should stop writing right now; I will be waiting for your message. I hope this turns out alright; I care about you so much.

Gerard.

I folded the letter back up and placed it on the bedside table. I got up from the bed and started searching my room for a piece of paper and a pen. I found a scrap of paper and a pen on my dresser and I started writing frantically on the paper. My writing was still legible, which was a good thing.

Gerard,

Please believe me when I say that you do not need to change one thing about yourself. You didn’t hurt me at all, it was my father. If he can’t understand that I need you in my life, then I’m going to have to show him. I may go against his wishes but really what can he do?

I’m going to make this short and brief because I just want to get my point across. Monday after school I want you to just take me away, don’t let me come back home. I’m sure my mother is going to read this, and I’m sure she’ll understand. This sounds like I’m running away after I just read the last sentence, but no that’s not what I want. I just don’t want to come home at first. Just take me somewhere, anywhere so we can be together.

I need you so much right now Gerard, but I can’t leave. Monday is such a long ways away when I can’t see you.

Mackenzie.

I reread the words on the paper and realized how over dramatic I made myself sound, but it was all true. Gerard is my shoulder to cry on, he is my saviour, and he is my everything. If my father couldn’t see it, then I was going to have to show him.

I folded the piece of paper and got up from my bed, I walked across my room. It seemed to take ages but I finally reached the door and I twisted the door handle and pulled the door open. The hallway was empty and I could hear the TV on downstairs, it sounded like a basketball game so I knew it was my dad.

I peered down the hallway and noticed that my parents’ bedroom light was on and the door was cracked slightly. I exited my room and made my way down the hallway. Tip toeing so I would not make a sound. I passed by the bathroom and then the spare room and finally I was at my parents bedroom. I tapped lightly on the door and walked inside.

My mom was sitting in bed with her lamp on and reading a book. She pulled off her reading glasses and marked the spot in her book. She placed both things on the bedside table and tapped the spot beside her on the bed. I walked over slowly and crawled up onto the bed, tears were already starting to form in my eyes.

“Oh, Mackenzie I’m so sorry about all of this.” My mom wrapped her arms around me tightly and kissed my forehead while gently stroking my hair. I wept in her arms trying not to break into full crying, which was proving to be very difficult.

I pulled out of my mom’s grasp and showed her the folded piece of paper in my hand. “When you read this, please understand that I need to see him mom.” I said as quietly as I could, I looked up into her eyes.

Her eyes were full of sadness and understanding. She pulled me into another hug and reassured me that she was behind my decision one hundred percent. Tears were still falling from my eyes but I was now smiling. I kissed my mothers cheek and got up from the bed.

“Good night mom.” I said to her as I neared the door.

“Good night Mackenzie.” She said as I finally exited the room. I started my way back to my room, this time passing the spare room and then the bathroom. I paused for a minute as I heard footsteps coming up the stairs. My bedroom was a few steps away but I didn’t make them in time. I passed my father as I stared at the floor. I couldn’t even bare to look at him.

I entered my room and closed the door. I walked back over to my bed and sat down. I grabbed Gerard’s jacket that was still in my bed and grabbed the letter from him. I pulled the jacket over my shoulders and crawled into bed, my back resting against the wall. I unfolded the piece of paper again and began reading the words once again.

Gerard’s words although they seemed like they were full of stress and worry seemed to calm me. I’m not sure why, maybe it was the fact that they were the closest things to him right now. But still I reread the letter many times until my eye lids began to droop and I knew it was time for me to attempt sleep one more time.

I pulled off Gerard’s jacket and placed it gently on the floor beside my bed. I folded the letter and placed that on the bedside table. I fixed the pillows that were scrunched up underneath me and soon I reached over and pulled the cord on the lamp and my room was engulfed in darkness once more.

One more day and I could see Gerard. Right now this whole situation felt ridiculous, enough to make me start to laugh as I lay in my bed. It was if I was some damsel in distress and I needed my knight in shining armour to come and save me. It’s a good thing I don’t believe in fairy tales.

You should really listen to your father. He said that if you disobeyed him the consequences would be greater. Was it just me or was the voice trying to help me? I shook the thought from my mind and soon sleep over came my body.