My Way Home is Through You

I awoke the next day; Sunday, one more day and then I could see Gerard’s face. A feeling of relief rushed through my body as I thought more and more about him. I sat up in my bed and pulled back the curtains that hung in front of my window, it was still raining. The smile left my face as my stomach began aching and I knew I needed food. If you go downstairs, you’re bound to run into your father.

This time I decided to ignore the voice, it was not going to control me any longer. I pushed the blankets off the rest of my body and slowly got up from the bed. I crossed my room, and caught a glimpse of myself in the floor length mirror.

I walked towards the mirror and just stared at myself, it was like I was actually seeing myself for the very first time. I didn’t have any make up on, my hair was not tampered with and I was still in my pyjamas, and at that instant I felt beautiful. I felt natural being in my own skin. I was not fat or skinny, I didn’t care if I had one little blemish on my face. I realized that this is who I was; I didn’t need to pretend or be anyone anymore.

A small smile graced my lips as I pulled open my bedroom door, the air outside my room felt a lot different and soon the smile faltered. There was a feeling of something terrible that was waiting to happen, news that I didn’t want to receive. I hesitantly walked down the hall and descended down the stairs.

My parent’s were arguing about something in the Kitchen and I could see my mom leaning against the counter, her fingers pinching the bridge of her nose. I continued down the hall and entered the kitchen, I’m pretty sure you could cut the tension with a butter knife.

“Good Morning,” I said as I walked past the table towards the fridge. Inside the fridge I grabbed the carton of milk and set it on the counter, then reaching into the cupboard I pulled out the box of Lucky Charms also I retrieved a bowl. I quickly fixed myself a bowl and grabbed a spoon after putting the milk and cereal away. My parents hadn’t said a word while I was preparing my breakfast and it made me feel anxious.

I walked over to my seat at the table and began to slowly eat my cereal. My mother remained at the counter and from where I was seated I could see her hands clenched into fists. I could also see the corner of a piece of paper in her hand. My heart started to beat faster as I chewed my cereal and attempted to swallow it. Each minute that ticked by seemed to go slower than the last and it was beginning to drive me absolutely mad. I finished that last bit of cereal in the bowl and got up from the table.

“I’m going back to my room.” I announced to the room as I dumped the rest of the milk I had left in my bowl down the sink. I placed the bowl gently in the sink and caught sight of my mother staring at me; her eyes told me that she would be right up. I left the room, the tension seemed to be relieved and I practically ran up the stairs and into my room.

I sat down on my bed and waited silently. I listened for the foot steps to come up the stairs and the tap on my door. It took an agonizingly long time but then I soon heard them. My heart began beating faster as the tap came on the door, it slowly opened and my mother’s face appeared around the corner. I motioned for her to come in and she did, quietly shutting the door.

“I read your note and I had to get it to him, so I went over last night. It wasn’t easy getting by your father though.” She handed me the crumpled note that was in her hand. I looked up at her, I loved my mother dearly but I felt self conscious about reading his words in front of her. I kept the paper folded and connected with her eyes.

“Do you think I could just read this alone?” I asked her.

“Oh yeah, I guess it would be a little awkward.’ She said as she stood up from the bed and kissed my forehead. She then left my room and I hastily opened the folded piece of paper.

Mackenzie,

The night passed by so slowly, I kept waking up from the nightmare I was having. Every time I fell asleep it would keep coming back, but I am alright. I was surprised to see your mother last night, she brought me the letter and I read it right away. She told me that she had to hurry back and that she would pick up the letter this morning.

Please Mackenzie, just listen to your father right now. Don’t do anything to upset him, maybe if you go along with his “plan” then we can see each other more. I just don’t want you to get hurt anymore, you don’t deserve it.

Gerard.

I crumpled the note back up and threw it across the room, I hadn’t realized it but tears were falling from my eyes. Why was Gerard siding with my father? Did he not want to see me? Suddenly I felt furious; I didn’t want to look for a piece of paper or a pen. I wanted to make Gerard wait, to suffer much like I was.

A quiet tap came at my door again and my mother entered the room once more, seeming more frantic. She looked at me and then at the crumpled piece of paper on the floor.

“I understand that your upset Mackenzie, but Gerard is only looking out for you.” She said as she wrapped her arms around me.

“But now you have to listen to me, the office called for your father and he has a meeting he has to attend. He should be there all afternoon which gives you until dinner time to go and see Gerard.” I looked up at her, the tears suddenly stopped flowing and a smile once again appeared across my face. I hugged my mother and started to grab clothes from my dresser.

I didn’t care that my mother was still in the room as I pulled my pyjamas off and replaced them with the jeans I had pulled out, also switching my dirty tank top with a clean one and running over to my closet to grab a zip up sweater. It was eleven already and I wanted to spend as much time as I could with Gerard. I grabbed the brush on my dresser and ran it quickly through my black hair.

“I will be home at four, which gives me an hour before dad gets home.” I said to my mother, she nodded and motioned me to go quickly. I ran out of my room and down the stairs; almost tripping over my own feet. I slid on the closest pair of shoes that were mine and started to pull open the door. My mother’s voice followed after me as I exited.

“Please don’t be late!” I heard her yell. I didn’t reply back because without noticing my feet had taken off in a run and I was heading in the direction of the Way house. The sidewalk seem to lengthen with each step I took, I could hear thunder rumbling in the background and the air felt as if it was going to start to rain again.

Finally I was walking across the soggy lawn of my destination; I hopped up the few steps and rang the doorbell. I stood at the doorway while I bounced back and forth on my feet. Mrs. Way opened the door and it looked as if she was a deer caught in the head lights of someone’s vehicle. She fumbled with the screen door but eventually got it open.

“Mackenzie what are you doing here?” She asked with much surprise in her voice.

“My dad had a meeting, should last a long time. Mom said I could come!” I said so quickly that I wasn’t sure if she understood. But she quickly ushered me into the house.

“Gerard’s in his room, he’s actually waiting for your response, but I think he will like this better.” She said as she wrapped me in a hug. “He was a little worried about your reaction to his last note.” She said I nodded and looked toward the basement door. She let go of me and then gave me a little push towards the door I had been staring at.

“Thank you.” I said quickly as I pulled the door open and ran down the stairs. The living room was empty and it was eerily quiet. I practically hurtled the couch and dodged the coffee table to make it to Gerard’s door quicker.

I stopped at it, contemplating on knocking or just bursting in. I decided to do both, I knocked but also I pushed open the door. Gerard was lying on his bed, tossing a ball up and down. But when he saw me the ball dropped to the ground and he quickly got up from the bed.

“Mackenzie, what are you doing here?” He asked, but I didn’t answer him I just ran to him and kissed him hard on the lips.