My Way Home is Through You

A few days passed by and I just stayed around the house. Tomorrow was New Years and that meant that I would have to spend another awkward evening with Gerard and Benji, I was dreading it. My mom seemed happier though, but I could still see that she was hurting.

I was pulled from my thoughts as the phone started ringing. I looked over at the clock and noticed that it was 9 am. I was about to grab the phone to answer it when it stopped ringing, I then heard my mom come up the stairs. She knocked on my door gently and walked in; she held her hand against the mouth piece of the phone.

“It’s Benji,” she said. I sat up in my bed and tucked my hair behind my ears. I held out my hand for the phone and she passed it to me hesitantly.

“Hello?” I said into the receiver, I looked up from my blanket and saw my mom still standing there. I politely waved her out. She gave me an apprehensive look.

“Well good morning miss Mackenzie,” I heard Benji’s voice flow through the phone.

“Good morning.” I said back.

“What are you up to?” he asked.

“Well currently I am talking to a boy that calls people at 9 in the morning, while they are on vacation.” I said into the receiver with a small smile.

“Hasn’t anyone ever told you that you shouldn’t sleep the day away?” he asked.

“Frequently,” I laughed into the phone.

“Well what I was phoning you for, was to ask if you would care to take a walk with me?” I could almost picture the smile that spread across his face.

“Um alright, I just need to get ready,” I looked at the clock again, it was quarter after nine.

“So I’ll be there around 10?” he asked.

“That sounds good,” I replied as I got up from the bed.

“See you then,” he said and soon the dial tone took over the phone. I hung it up and got up from the bed. I got dressed quickly and did my hair and brushed my teeth. Once I was done getting ready I walked downstairs. I looked in the living room for my mom, but she wasn’t in there.

“I’m in the kitchen,” she yelled. I walked down the hall and entered the kitchen; my mom was busy getting things ready.

“Wow mom, what time did you get up at?” I asked while I grabbed an apple from the counter.

“Eight, I decided to get an early start,” she said as she mixed some sort of batter.

“I see that, well I just wanted to let you know I’m going out for a walk. I’ll be back around noon to help you out.” I said as I took a bite from the apple.

“Honey,” she said as she placed the bowl on the counter and looked up at me, “I want you to be careful around that boy.”

“Be careful? Mom he’s just a friend.” I took another bite from my apple.

“I know dear, but from what I saw at Christmas Eve,” she said and pushed her hair back from her face. Just then the door bell rang; I got up from the stool I had sat down on.

“Don’t worry mom, I’ll be fine,” I said. I kissed her cheek and ran to the front to get the door. I pulled it open to reveal Benji, he wore a simple black coat, tight jeans that his boots went over and had a toque, scarf and gloves on. His hair hung just right under his hat and the sun shining on his face made his eyes light up. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t physically attracted to him.

“Ready?” he asked.

“As soon as I get my winter stuff on,” I said and I let him inside. He kicked off the snow on his boots and came inside.

I grabbed my pea coat from the coat hanger and put it on, I slipped on my boots and grabbed my hat, mitts and scarf also. Thankfully I had straightened my hair before Benji had gotten here, my hat always seemed to go on better when my hair was straight rather than when it was in wavy.

“Okay,” I said as I stood up straight from tying my boots. Benji opened the door for me and I stepped out into the crisp morning.

For a while we both walked in silence, the only sound coming from the snow crunching below our feet and the laughter of children in the neighbourhood. I had shoved my hands in my jacket pockets to give them extra warmth.

Soon Benji broke the silence that had built around us, “Okay, so the real reason I wanted to take this walk was to tell you why Gerard and I don’t like each other.”

“Is that what was in the envelope?” I asked curiously, he nodded.

“I was going to give it to you that night, but I saw…” he stopped; it looked like he was trying to word what he wanted to say perfectly.

“You saw?” I urged him to continue.

“I saw the way you looked at him,” he said just above a whisper.

“Oh,” was all I could really say.

“But I decided that you deserved to know, and before tonight. So you don’t have to sit through another awkward night,” he said quickly to cover what he just said.

“You’re right, I do deserve to know,” I said. I don’t see why Gerard doesn’t like Benji; he seems so sweet and nice.

“Okay, so here it goes,” he said nervously. “Well you see, I sort of always had a crush on you, but I couldn’t build up enough courage to come and talk to you. You seemed like you deserved so much better than me. Then Gerard transferred schools, he instantly bonded with my brother and that’s how I got to know him. I found out that he liked you a lot and that some how he had broken through your barrier.”

“Wait a minute,” I said stopping him, “How long have you liked me?” I asked.

He looked down sheepishly at his feet, “Two years”

“What was I blind?” I looked directly into his eyes, “I feel like a complete jerk.”

“Why do you feel like a jerk?” he asked.

“Well first of all I didn’t even know you existed until Christmas, mean while you knew me for how ever long.” I said.

“It’s no big deal, it’s not as if I make myself noticeable,” he laughed softly.

“Well I still apologize,” I said to him. I looked around us and noticed that we ended up at the park, we were on the bridge and the water below us hadn’t frozen over completely so the sound of rushing water over took the silence that grew once again. “I’m sorry I interrupted you.” I blushed slightly.

He smiled, “its okay, anyways I heard about you going to the hospital, I tried not to listen to the rumours that went around. I didn’t want to believe them, I still don’t know why. But then when you and Gerard showed up together that day, I saw the way you both looked at each other and I knew that I lost.”

The silence grew again and I shifted against the wall of the bridge, “I had anorexia nervosa,” I said quietly.

“What?” he looked at me surprised.

“Well it started off with bulimia…then I just stopped eating all together,” I pulled my hands from my pockets and started to fiddle with the bracelet around my wrist.

“But why?” he asked as he slowly lifted my chin to look at him, tears had started to build in my eyes and he gently wiped them away.

“I was ugly,” I managed to get out. Benji pulled me into a hug and we both just stood there, the cold weather was making my legs numb but right now I didn’t care.

“Trust me Mackenzie Woods, you are far from ugly.” He said as he let go off me, “we should head back, I’m sure your mom needs some help with things for tonight.”

I nodded and we both started walking in the direction of my house. We stayed silent as we walked beside each other, not touching but just close enough to feel comfortable. I knew in my head that I needed to talk to Gerard about this, before tonight.

I made it into the house after saying good bye to Benji and began pulling off my winter stuff. The house was fragrant with the smell of baked goods and I smiled to myself. I walked down the hall and entered the kitchen. I noticed my mom first, and when I turned to sit at the table I was not expecting to see my dad.

“Hello Mackenzie,” he said and got up from the table to give me a hug. I wrapped my arms around him but pulled away quickly.

“What are you doing here?” I asked venomously.