My Way Home is Through You

From the time my mother left my room to whenever the party was going to start I must have doze off. I lay sprawled out on my bed my right arm hanging off the side of my bed, and my socked feet hanging off the end. I went to move my left hand from underneath my head but as soon as I moved it, the tingles that were sent through my arm caused me to laugh out loud. How long had I been asleep for? I glanced up at the clock, wincing as more tingles went down my arm. It turned out that I had only been asleep for fifteen minutes.

I slowly pulled my body up from my bed. I tried to wiggle my fingers to allow the blood to circulate faster. I walked across my room and was about to exit my room when I heard harsh whispers just outside my door. I didn’t want to disturb the people outside my door so I leaned my ear against the door to listen.

“I thought I told you to stay away from her, Iero,” Gerard’s voice growled.

“And I thought you said you were over Tanya? Why should you care that I spend time with Mackenzie,” I’m assuming was none other than Benji’s voice.

“You leave Tanya out of this.” Gerard said back, his voice softer than before.

“You can’t have both of them Gerard,” Benji said defensively. “I can’t believe you would even dream of hurting Mackenzie, after everything she’s been through.”

“Everything she’s been through?” Gerard scoffed. “How would you know what she’s been through, you weren’t the one that was with her.”

“Maybe I would have been, if you hadn’t used her as a rebound from Tanya!” Benji’s voice got louder.

“I told you leave Tanya out of this!” Gerard hissed.

“I can’t believe you Gerard,” finally I heard retreating footsteps, and I quickly went back to my bed and curled up. Soon my door opened and I felt someone sit down on my bed.

“Mackenzie?” Gerard’s voice whispered. I felt his hand rest on my shoulder and shake me gently. I turned around in my bed and faced him, I hoped my face didn’t show any signs of emotion from the conversation I had just heard.

“Yes?” I asked and rubbed at my eyes with my fists.

“It’s time to come downstairs, everyone is showing up.” I nodded gently and sat up in the bed waiting for Gerard to get up. He remained on the bed looking at me expectedly.

“What?” I asked, confused.

“Is something still bothering you?” Gerard asked, his brows knit together in confusion.

“No. Why?” I glanced at the door; I wanted to get out of the room to where people were. Hopefully being surrounded by people would distract me from the millions of questions floating in my head.

“Usually I get a better greeting than this.” he leaned in for a kiss and I quickly pressed my lips against his and pulled away. I manoeuvred my body around his and got up from the bed.

“Are you coming?” I turned around and asked when I didn’t here him follow me.

“Yeah,” he said in a low voice and got up from the bed. I reached for his hand and intertwined my fingers with his; I realized if I started to act weird around him he would only ask more questions.

“I can’t believe its New Year’s Eve!” I exclaimed as I descended down the stairs.

“Neither can I,” Gerard said curtly.

We made it to the bottom of the stairs and I could hear chatter coming from the living room, I pulled Gerard along faster and smiled when we entered the room. I could see Don and Donna sitting on the love seat together; Mr. Iero was sitting on the couch next to my mother speaking animatedly. Mr and Mrs. Toro were looking at all the food me and my mother prepared. I let out a small laugh when I saw Bob stuffing his face full of the little cheesecakes my mom and I had brought to the last get together.

“Bob slow down your going to choke!” I said pulling my hand from Gerard’s and walking over to Bob and the guys.

“But they’re so good!” he said with his mouth full.

“Yuck, Bob close your mouth!” Frank said as he too grabbed a cheesecake and popped it into his mouth. He smiled as he chewed it slowly and swallowed.

“Mac, you so need to come over and make these for me and Benji, he wouldn’t stop talking about them after the Christmas party.” Frank laughed and pushed his brother’s arm. Benji just glared at him, no smile was present on his face. I wanted to go throw my arms around him and tell him that everything was going to be okay. But soon the arm that slid around my waist prevented me from even moving an inch.

I let out a nervous laugh, “Maybe.”

“Just two more hours and it’ll be a new year.” Ray said and smiled as he pulled Christa closer to him, I hadn’t even noticed that she was there. She was always really quiet. It was amazing how cute Ray and she was together, sort of a perfect match.

“Oh hey Christa, I didn’t even see you there.” I said and let out a tiny laugh.

“I can understand that, Ray tends to stand out more.” She laughed as she ruffled his crazy hair. He leaned down and kissed the top of her head. My stomach twisted in knots when I saw them do this, it made me wonder if Gerard and I were going to be like that again. It seemed like ages ago that everything was perfect, in reality it was only a week ago.

I noticed my mom get up and head to the kitchen, I wondered if she needed any help. “I’ll be right back.” I said to Gerard quietly and he nodded and finally let go of my waist.

I got up and went into the kitchen; my mom was getting a few drinks ready. “Need any help mom?”

“Sure honey, could you fill these glasses with ice for me?” I nodded and grabbed the ice cube trays from the freezer.

“How many do you want in each?” I asked before I put any ice in the glasses.

“Oh, just a few,” she said and proceeded to finish doing whatever she was doing. I filled the glasses and put the tray back in the freezer.

“Do you need help with anything else?” I asked.

“I’m fine, is something bothering you?” she asked. I hated that she could always tell when something was bothering me.

“Sort of,” I said.

“What’s wrong, honey?” she asked, concern filling her voice. “is everything okay with you and Gerard?”

“Not really, I think he’s hiding something from me,” a tear slipped from my eye and rolled down my cheek.

“Have you asked him about it, maybe it’s just a misunderstanding?” she said as she wiped the tear away and gave me a hug.

“Maybe, I’ll ask him about it.” I said and pulled away, “I really need to go to the washroom, and I’ll be back in the living room in a minute.”

“Okay sweetie, I’m sure everything’s fine,” she hugged me again and kissed my cheek. I left the kitchen and went into the hall and walked towards the stairs. I passed by the opening to the living room and caught from the corner of my eye Gerard getting up to follow me. I ran up the stairs quickly and sprinted towards the bathroom.

I closed the door and locked it, I flicked on the light and stared at myself in the mirror. My stomach tossed and turned with disgust. I didn’t even know what to think anymore. Who was this Tanya girl, and why was she so important to Gerard? Was I really just a rebound to him, these past few months had to mean something to him?

“Mackenzie?” I heard Gerard say from the other side of the bathroom door. I wiped at the tears that I hadn’t realized had fallen and turned to unlock the door.

“What?” I said as I pulled open the door.

“Look, we need to talk.” Gerard said and stood awkwardly and stared at his feet.