My Way Home is Through You

“I think we do.” I agreed and let him into the bathroom and shut the door. I walked back over the sink and leaned against it with my arms crossed over my chest. Gerard stayed near the door and stared down at his feet.

“So you probably already know that I transferred to your school, but I’m sure you don’t know the reason behind it,” he casually walked over beside me and leaned against the counter also.

“You’re right, I don’t.” I said and looked over to his face; he continued to stare at his feet.

“I don’t really know how to start, I mean I care about you a lot but I still have all these old feelings for someone else,” Gerard reached out for my hand but I pulled away. In the silence that grew between us I’m sure I could hear my heart breaking into two.

“Is this someone else named Tanya?” I questioned and moved away from Gerard, I sat on the edge of the bathtub. I rested my elbows on my knees and placed my head in my hands.

“Yeah, but how did you figure out?” he questioned. I could feel his eyes on me.

“Next time you decide to have an argument about someone, make sure it isn’t right outside their door,” I hissed at him. I could feel hot tears ready to spill over my eyes.

“Mackenzie, please don’t be upset,” he pleaded. I instantly shot up from the side of the bathtub and glared at him, my hands balling into fists at my side.

“How can I not be upset, you’re telling me you still have feelings for some other girl? I put everything I had into this relationship, I’m in love with you Gerard,” my voice broke at the end of my outburst and tears spilt over the brim of my eyes.

“And I love you too, Mackenzie. But I just can’t deny how I feel about Tanya!” he shouted back.

“If you love Tanya so much, why did you decide to ask me out? Why aren’t you with her instead of me?” I could see him flinch when I said this.

“You want to know why! She left me, okay! She said I was moving way to fast for her, and that she wasn’t looking for a serious relationship.” He wiped furiously at his eyes, trying to disguise that he was crying.

I stared at him, not knowing at all what to say. I didn’t feel sorry for him at all, I couldn’t he was the one breaking my heart right now. I looked down at my wrist, at the charm bracelet that hung from it. My right hand reached up and grabbed the tiny clasp and opened it. Gerard was now sitting on the edge of the bathtub and holding his head in his hands. I walked over to him slowly and kneeled down; I pulled his face up to look at mine and grabbed his hands.

“If you can’t be in this relationship fully, then I don’t think it will work.” I said slowly and placed the charm bracelet in his hands and closed his fingers over it.

“No, please don’t!” Gerard’s eyes shot open and stared into mine. “You can’t leave me too!”

“That’s exactly why I have to do this, Gerard.” I wiped at the tears that were still falling. “I can’t stay in this relationship knowing that I’m only the rebound girl.”

“But I care about you, you’re not the rebound girl!” he begged and wrapped his arms around me.

I pulled out of the hug and looked up into his eyes. “I’m sorry Gerard. I made my decision.” I quickly left the bathroom before I hurt him or myself anymore.

It honestly felt like my heart was pulled from my chest, thrown down to the ground and stepped on. The one thing in my life that made me feel whole was taken from me, and it was completely my own decision. I couldn’t stay in that relationship knowing that he didn’t feel the same way about me as I did about him. I crossed the hall and entered my room and collapsed onto my bed.

I pulled my knees up to my chest and let everything out. I cried until I couldn’t cry anymore, until my throat was raw and my eyes were sore and dry. In the midst of this all I must have fallen asleep, because when I woke up my room was dark and I couldn’t hear any noise from downstairs. I got up slowly from my bed and walked across my room and opened my door, lights were still on downstairs.

I left my room and walked over to the stairs and went down them. I could see my mom moving around in the kitchen, probably putting food away. She was talking and laughing; I entered the kitchen and saw Mr. Iero sitting at the table putting food in containers.

“Well hello,” he said as I entered the room.

“Hi,” I said quietly and walked over to the fridge to retrieve a bottle of water, my throat still hurt.

“You disappeared on us,” my mother commented as she walked over to the table and grabbed a few containers and brought them to the fridge.

“Yeah I wasn’t feeling all that well, I went to lie down. I fell asleep.” I said and took a drink from the cold water bottle, the cold water felt nice on my throat.

“Benji’s still in the living room if you want to go see him, Frank left with the Way’s. He said something about Gerard acting weird and that he wanted to find out what was wrong.” Mr. Iero said as he finished with the last of the food.

“Alright,” I said slowly and left the kitchen and went into the living room. Benji was sitting on the couch his feet propped up on the coffee table carelessly flipping through the TV channels.

“Hey,” I said and dropped down beside him.

“Hey,” he said back and tore his eyes away from the TV to look at me

“Have you been crying?” he asked, concern filling his voice instantly.

“Not recently,” I told him and stared at the infomercial he stopped at.

“Mackenzie, did something happen,” he turned down the volume on the TV and continued to look at me.

“I don’t want to talk about it right now, Benji. I just want to be with someone and not worry about anything,” I said and placed my head against his shoulder, he wrapped his arm around me and pulled me closer. I didn’t protest.

“Don’t worry Mackenzie, I’ll always be here for you,” he said and gently kissed the top of my head.

I looked up into his eyes; they looked so full of sincerity that I didn’t want to not believe him.

“Can you do me a favour?” I asked while I continued to stare into his amazing green hazel eyes.

“Sure,”

“Would you stay the night?” I asked, I don’t think I could be alone at this point. The pain in my chest started to burn more intensely as I thought about being alone.

“Of course,” without thinking I crashed my lips against his, an eager attempt to stop the burning in my chest.