My Way Home is Through You

“Thank you,” I said to Jason. I could feel my cheeks burning as I turned to walk away from him. Benji had entered the room, but my mom rushed over to him. I noticed that he still stared at me while my mother’s arms were wrapped around him.

Jason grabbed my wrist and pulled me into a hug. I stood frozen, not knowing what to do. But instinctively my arms wrapped around his torso, the scent of his body made my knees weak. “Uh… Jason?”

“Yeah?” he questioned. His arms were still wrapped around my body.

“My boyfriend’s in the room, he might not appreciate you hugging me,” I said.

“Oh, right,” he pulled away and quickly kissed my cheek before he walked away. I walked over to my mother and Benji; she was complimenting him on his tie.

“Oh, sweetie!” my mother gushed. “You two look so cute together!”

“Thanks,” Benji said as he wrapped his arm around my waist. I barely had a chance to look up before there was a flash. I blinked a few times and noticed that my mother had a camera in her hands.

“Mom,” I laughed. “I wasn’t ready.”

“Sweetie, it’s fine,” she smiled. “Now I want one of all of you,” she reached over and grabbed Olivia’s hand and pulled her over to where Benji and I stood. Bob was yanked from his position due to their linked hands.

After what seemed like forever and endless poses, we left the house and all climbed in our respective vehicles. I stared out the window as Benji drove away from the house. Jason stood at the door the longest, I held onto the heart pendant as we drove further away.

“What’s going on with you and that guy?” Benji questioned. I instantly let go of the necklace and looked up at him.

“Who… Jason?” Benji looked from the road to me and back again. I tried to ignore the guilty feeling that was bubbling in the pit of my stomach.

“Yeah, you two looked pretty cozy when I walked in,” he scoffed.

“He was just congratulating me,” I shot back.

“What was he congratulating you for?” Benji retorted.

“Graduating, he’s my friend Benji,” I crossed my arms and stared out the window.

“Yeah, friend,” he whispered. I rolled my eyes and continued to stare at nothing in particular.

“When are you going to realize that I’m with you, I’m not going to leave you for some other guy,” I finally brought my gaze back to him. “I’m allowed to have male friends.”

“Sure,” he mumbled and turned into the parking lot of the hotel. The prom committee had been planning this prom for months. I had to admit I was pretty impressed. The theme was based around the red carpet and it was true to the theme. A large red carpet was laid out in front of the entrance. Benji passed the entrance and drove towards the parking lot.

After several minutes of scanning for a parking spot, he settled on one near the back of the lot. He pulled the keys out of the ignition and made his way around the vehicle. I had already opened the door and stepped out. I managed to pull up my dress without stepping on the silky material. The last thing I wanted right now was a tear in my dress. Instantly Benji wrapped his arm around my waist and lead the way to the entrance of the hotel.

It felt so weird to see my classmates dressed up in suits and dresses. I tore my eyes away from the assortment of colours and styles and looked up at Benji. An awful feeling rolled through my body, like something bad was about to happen.

“You okay?” Ollie asked as her and Bob caught up to us, leave it to Ollie to know something is wrong.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” I said and sent her a not-so-reassuring smile. She eyed me warily but continued walking into the prom. We decided on getting pictures together, and in the traditional pose, Benji stood behind me and wrapped his arms around my torso. Bob mimicked Benji, he stood behind Ollie. We smiled as the camera flashed and took our picture.

We soon entered the ballroom. Every inch was covered in decorations; there wasn’t a bare space left. A popular hip-hop song was playing and everyone in the room was up dancing and having a good time. Ollie dragged Bob to the dance floor, he didn’t look too impressed. But knowing bob he was too much in love with her to make her upset. I swear that boy would fly to the moon if she wanted him to.

“Do you want to dance?” Benji asked. I simply nodded and let him guide me to the dance floor. Apparently I had the worst luck in the world, as soon as my foot hit the dance floor a slow song began to play. Normally, I would have been happier. Slow dancing seemed to work best for me as opposed to fast dancing. Benji wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me closer. “You look beautiful tonight,” Benji whispered in my ear.

“Thank you,” I said back lamely. How was I supposed to talk to him about our relationship when he was being so nice? Maybe this was just fate telling me that this is just not the right time that I should just wait. It’s not that Benji was a bad guy, because he wasn’t, I just didn’t feel the sparks anymore.

“There’s something I’ve wanted to tell you,” Benji whispered in my ear again. This was the time for a million butterflies to erupt in my stomach, my hands instantly became clammy. I could feel my mind switching back and forth from one emotion to the other.”But I don’t want to tell you here.”

“Well, uh are you sure. I can actually hear you just fine,” I stuttered.

“That’s not what I meant,” he smiled. “I meant I want to tell you in private.” I felt his hand slide from my waist. I stared at his hand as it reached down and pulled a card key from his pocket.

“Oh,” I said, stunned silent. I didn’t know if I wanted to go to a room alone with him, I didn’t even know if I wanted to be with him.

“Is that a yes or no?” he said, waiting patiently for an answer.

“How about we check it out later, I’m not ready to leave the dance yet,” I said quickly, scanning the room for Ollie, I noticed she was dancing with a few other girls that she knew. “I’m going to head over and see Ollie for a bit, okay?”

“Sure,” he said nonchalantly. Hoping that he would let me walk alone, I started towards Ollie. But almost instantly I felt his hand slide into mine. I tried to smile at him, but failed miserably.

“I’ll be by the refreshments,” he informed me as he let go of my hand, finally leaving me alone with my thoughts and Ollie.

I grabbed Ollie’s wrist and pulled her towards the wall. People stared and groaned in protest as I pushed passed them. Ollie just seemed confused by my reaction.

“Jeez, what’s wrong?” she questioned, rubbing the wrist I had grabbed.

“Ollie, I need your help,” I said frantically.

“What’s wrong?” she questioned, now looking concerned. I stopped talking as I saw Benji approaching us. “Mac, tell me what’s wrong.”

“It’s nothing,” I smiled as Benji wrapped his arm around me. Ollie looked at me confused.

“Olivia,” Benji acknowledged her.

“Benjamin,” she said as she continued to stare at me. I managed to mouth a “help me” before Benji interrupted my silent plea.

“So how about that offer,” Benji smiled and started pulling me towards the exit. I signaled my legs to stop walking with him, to protest but it was as if my body was on autopilot and didn’t want anything to do with my orders. I looked back to where Ollie was standing and couldn’t find her anywhere.

Benji brought us towards the elevators, I noticed all my classmates happily climbing onto an elevator. Benji called out for someone to stop. Derek Landry, a kid from my math class stopped the doors from shutting. Benji pulled me onto the elevator. I couldn’t figure out why my legs wouldn’t do what my mind was telling them to do. Was I frightened of Benji?

I watched couple after couple get off the elevator. Apparently the room Benji had gotten was near the top floor. We were approaching the ninth floor. My heart was beating out of my chest. The doors opened slowly. Benji wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me along the hallways. We passed a staff member, Benji smiled pleasantly. We stopped in front of room 923, my heart was racing at top speed and my mind was sending signals for me to run, but my legs refused still.

“I thought you might like the view,” Benji said as he pushed open the door. The room was magnificent, on any other occasion I would have been in awe, but all I could feel was the terror clawing its way up my throat.

“It’s great,” I managed to spit out.

“Yeah, the rooms nice,” he smiled as he grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the picture window. “I meant to city skyline.”

I stared out the large window. It looked as if the lights could go on forever. “It’s beautiful.”

“Yeah,” Benji said from behind me. I felt his hands glide against my skin as he pulled my hair to the side. His lips sent a shiver down my spine as he gently kissed my neck.

I pulled away as quickly as my mind could register what was going on. “Uh, you said you had something you wanted to tell me.”

“I love you Mackenzie,” the words poured off his tongue as if someone was pouring a glass of champagne. “I’ve been in love with you since day one, since as long as I knew you.” I stood shocked, not knowing what to do. “Now, would be the time for you to say something.”

“Benji,” I paused. How could I tell him that I didn’t feel the same way? That I felt the exact opposite of what he felt, I felt terrified. “Benji, I don’t know how to tell you this, I don’t want to hurt you.”

It was as if I could see the anger reaching every part of his body, “It’s because of Gerard isn’t it!” He grabbed my wrists and pulled me from the window.

“Benji, stop, you’re hurting me!” I screamed.

He pushed me against the wall and I felt his lips crash against mine. He pulled away instantly, “I love you, why don’t you see that! Gerard is a fucking ass hole, he never cared about you.” He whispered. He kissed me again. I tried with all my might to push him off, that just seemed to make him angrier. “Stop fighting it, you know you want me. Don’t deny it, you wouldn’t be here if you didn’t want this.” He said.

With a force I didn’t even know Benji had pulled me from the wall and pushed me onto the bed. I tried to yell but his hand covered my mouth, I fought by kicking my legs, but that was with no success, his body was pushing against mine on the bed. He was too strong.
Tears poured from my eyes. He pulled his hand away from my mouth. I knew what was coming next. “Why are you doing this to me?” I pleaded.

“Shut up!” he said. “It’s too late you made your choice!” I felt his hands already pulling my dress up. I began kicking my legs and screaming, the tears poured harder and faster than before. Benji had managed to undo his pants. Suddenly I felt a pain pierce throughout my whole body.

I knew it was too late. He had done what I tried to fight against. I could hear myself sobbing, lying underneath a monster. The pain didn’t seem to stop, it just increased and then it was gone. I pulled myself from the spot I was lying and crawled across the bed and fell onto the floor, my shaking legs not able to hold me up. I looked up and saw a man standing on the other side of the bed.

“Mackenzie, are you okay?” The voice sounded familiar. My sobs hadn’t lessened, I tried to stare threw tear filled eyes. The man slowly moved around the bed. “It’s okay Mac, I’m here.”

Gerard’s arms wrapped around me, he pulled me up from the hotel floor. “It’s okay, shhh he can’t hurt you anymore.”

“Let go of me,” my voice was shaky and hoarse. I pushed against Gerard, his arms loosened and I instantly bolted from the room. I passed the elevators and headed for the stairs. I felt myself running, each step after the other not stopping until I reached the bottom step. Every breath I took in burned my lungs more than the last breath. But I didn’t care, I needed to leave.

I reached a payphone with a quarter that my mother had given me in case of an emergency I dialed the only number I could think off. The voice answered on the other end, it was the one I wanted.

“Come get me,” I said as I burst into another fit of tears. The phone died on the other end and I knew they were going to come. I ran outside of the hotel and found a bench to sit on and wait. The tears flowed constantly down my face. I hoped and prayed that Gerard didn’t find me.

It had only been ten minutes and his vehicle pulled up in front of the hotel. Jason got out of the car and ran towards me. His arms were wrapped around me and pulled me from the bench. He walked towards his car, cradling me in his arms. “It’s going to be okay,” he whispered.

He lowered me into the passenger seat of his car and put the seat belt on me. He closed the door and walked around. I glanced out of the window and saw Gerard standing at the entrance. The tears began to fall again. Jason was in the driver seat and had already started pulling away. I stared at Gerard until I couldn’t see him anymore, and even then I didn’t pull my eyes away.

Jason didn’t reach over to grab my hand. He didn’t even try to touch me again. But all I could hear in the silence was “It’s going to be okay,” and even though I knew it wasn’t going to be okay, I felt like maybe there was a shred of hope that it was going to be okay, that things were going to turn out alright. Instead, in the silence and the darkness of Jason’s car, I reached over and grabbed his hand.