Almost Lover
5
I have no idea why I agreed to this. My palms are sweaty, my heart feels like it's about to stop with everything thundering beet and my stomach is flipping all over the place and the only though that runs through my mind is, 'Is this the right thing to do?'
How did this totally turn around? I only wrote to you to tell you exactly how I felt. That I absolutely hated your guts and that someone should shit your broken, chewed up heart back into your chest because that was what you deserved.
I still think someone needs to break your heart if not for anything else than for you to understand. Maybe that was all I wanted from you. Was to understand exactly how I felt. To understand how this tore me up are ate away at me.
The door to this little diner out in the middle of east Jesus nowhere opens up and my head snaps up from my water stained copy of The Cold Room only to be greeted by an elder woman dressed up like she is back in the thirties. My face turns red and I look back down, silently thanking God that it wasn't you.
Out of the corner of my eye, I can see two tiny feet stop just short of my bag. I slowly look up and the elder lady smiles and plops herself down right across from me.
"What's the problem your having, dear? Don't try to tell me nothing, I could practically see the sweat pouring off your forehead." The waitress comes by with a mug of coffee for her immediately and then leaves us.
"Uh, well I..." I'm scared of this little old lady. Me, scared of a 80 pound little thing. It's not really her body that scares me. It's those little gray eyes diving into mine. I can almost imagine her reaching across the table and stealing away all of my secrets with those all-knowing eyes.
"If it's boy trouble you just need to know this; boys will always be trouble. No matter what ya do. Only put up with it if you love 'em." she looks at me and sighs. "Honey. Tell me, do you love this fella?"
"Well I did. He cheated on me. I don't think I really feel anything about him anymore."
"You do. Why else would you drive all the way out here to meet him? I know how to humor someone, and this is more than that. Something inside of you still feels something for this boy. Now, I'm not saying that you need to forgive him for what he did, but ya do have to let go of the past. Life is too short to be vindictive or hold grudges. He was young and stupid. Let me tell you something, he's going to be stupid for awhile longer until his mind detaches itself from between his legs. You'd be surprise how much boys change once that happens."
I just stair at this insane little old lady and I feel somewhat violated, somewhat angry and somewhat amused.
"What if his brain never detaches?" I say in a sarcastic tone. I raise my eye brows and she sets down her coffee cup and smiles.
"Trust me, it detaches at some point. Now listen, if this little meeting doesn't go well, who cares? You tried, end of story, move on. It never hurts to try. Remember that. I promise it'll make life easy." with that, she stands up and makes her way to the door.
She looks back at me and smiles again and I realize that my heart isn't beating so hard, my stomach is settled and my palms are dry. She nods and walks back outside. One glance down to my book and back out the window and she's completely gone. I look around for her and there is literally no trace. I almost stand up to run outside, but the door opens and our eyes meet for the first time in over a year.
You smile, and I smile back.
If this little meeting doesn't go well, who cares? You tried, end of story."
How did this totally turn around? I only wrote to you to tell you exactly how I felt. That I absolutely hated your guts and that someone should shit your broken, chewed up heart back into your chest because that was what you deserved.
I still think someone needs to break your heart if not for anything else than for you to understand. Maybe that was all I wanted from you. Was to understand exactly how I felt. To understand how this tore me up are ate away at me.
The door to this little diner out in the middle of east Jesus nowhere opens up and my head snaps up from my water stained copy of The Cold Room only to be greeted by an elder woman dressed up like she is back in the thirties. My face turns red and I look back down, silently thanking God that it wasn't you.
Out of the corner of my eye, I can see two tiny feet stop just short of my bag. I slowly look up and the elder lady smiles and plops herself down right across from me.
"What's the problem your having, dear? Don't try to tell me nothing, I could practically see the sweat pouring off your forehead." The waitress comes by with a mug of coffee for her immediately and then leaves us.
"Uh, well I..." I'm scared of this little old lady. Me, scared of a 80 pound little thing. It's not really her body that scares me. It's those little gray eyes diving into mine. I can almost imagine her reaching across the table and stealing away all of my secrets with those all-knowing eyes.
"If it's boy trouble you just need to know this; boys will always be trouble. No matter what ya do. Only put up with it if you love 'em." she looks at me and sighs. "Honey. Tell me, do you love this fella?"
"Well I did. He cheated on me. I don't think I really feel anything about him anymore."
"You do. Why else would you drive all the way out here to meet him? I know how to humor someone, and this is more than that. Something inside of you still feels something for this boy. Now, I'm not saying that you need to forgive him for what he did, but ya do have to let go of the past. Life is too short to be vindictive or hold grudges. He was young and stupid. Let me tell you something, he's going to be stupid for awhile longer until his mind detaches itself from between his legs. You'd be surprise how much boys change once that happens."
I just stair at this insane little old lady and I feel somewhat violated, somewhat angry and somewhat amused.
"What if his brain never detaches?" I say in a sarcastic tone. I raise my eye brows and she sets down her coffee cup and smiles.
"Trust me, it detaches at some point. Now listen, if this little meeting doesn't go well, who cares? You tried, end of story, move on. It never hurts to try. Remember that. I promise it'll make life easy." with that, she stands up and makes her way to the door.
She looks back at me and smiles again and I realize that my heart isn't beating so hard, my stomach is settled and my palms are dry. She nods and walks back outside. One glance down to my book and back out the window and she's completely gone. I look around for her and there is literally no trace. I almost stand up to run outside, but the door opens and our eyes meet for the first time in over a year.
You smile, and I smile back.
If this little meeting doesn't go well, who cares? You tried, end of story."
♠ ♠ ♠
Done.