Bitten Times Four

A pristine white couch sat in the center of the small set, which had consequently been set up in the basement of a Spanish Villa type house. It was a large house, fit for the family’s large needs. Bright lights had been set up facing their beams directly at the white couch so it appeared to be almost blindingly white. A large camera sat on a tripod, focused at the couch as well. There were people busily moving around the room; tweaking boom microphones, adjusting lights, putting makeup on a woman in front of a wide mirror in the far corner of the room, out of the view of the camera. The room was full of chatter and movement until the woman stood up from the chair and made her way over to the couch. She sat down on it and pulled her long dark hair over her shoulders as she stared at the camera.

“So…whenever you’re ready,” a man behind the camera said as the room hushed abruptly, “tell us about how you met Jasper and visa versa?” The woman nodded a bit, as a blonde, statuesque looking man sat down beside her, his face someone tense, yet emotionless at the same time

“Well…it all started the day I was working at this stationary store in Seattle,” she said softly; nothing spectacular about her voice at all. It was just a normal woman’s voice. “I noticed this very pale, odd man in the shop and didn’t know who he was. I had never seen him in the shop and he was browsing around like he didn’t know what kind of shop he had walked into. So, I went over to him and asked him what kind of paper he was interested in.” The woman paused for a brief moment and bit her bottom lip. “He didn’t say anything really,” she spoke to the camera, not taking her eyes off of it for a moment. “So I decided I would show him our finest, since he was wearing pretty expensive looking clothing. As I was showing him the papyrus from Egypt, I ended up giving myself a paper cut. It’s not hard to do in a stationary shop.” She glanced over at the man beside her, presumably Jasper, who was wearing a stiff sort of smile. “He just sort of…ran away. Didn’t say goodbye, either. I thought he was either very rude, very shy, or the squeamish sort.”

“But the truth was…I wanted to…to bite her and drain her dry,” Jasper jumped in; speaking in his smooth, deep Texan accent. “I’m a vampire, you see. It’s in my nature to do so. That’s why I ran. But I came back nearly everyday, to that stationary shop. I eventually won Amberlyn over.” The woman, presumably named Amberlyn, gave him a small smile and nodded.

“I made sure not to get paper cuts anymore,” she said as she looked back at the camera, something that Jasper had failed to do. The interviewer, who sat just beside the camera, in front of the couple and under the boom microphone, looked down to a sheet of paper in front of him, before looking back up at the couple.

“Now, how exactly did it come about that you two had half-vampire, half-human children?” The interviewer asked, glancing between the couple. Amberlyn looked over at Jasper for a moment with a slight smirk as he took her left hand in his, a large, diamond ring sparkling on her ring finger.

“It’s been theorized that male vampires are unable to produce any sort of liquid in their body; blood, saliva, tears. So, having children is completely out of the question for vampire couples,” Jasper spoke in a controlled sort of voice, his amber eyes finally meeting the camera lens.

“And even then, there are exceptions to that rule,” Amberlyn said with a shrug as she looked up at Jasper before turning her bright blue stare back to the camera. “Some vampires would like to think they’re the only one, I’d like to take this moment to point them out for it. Eat your heart out, Edward. You’ve got one kid. Jasper and I have four.” Amberlyn smirked as she cut her eyes at the camera, causing Jasper to let out a few chuckles.

“Four half-human, half-vampire children?” The interviewer asked in an astonished sounding voice, despite the fact he had already been informed of how many children they had. “I hear it’s a painful process, carrying a half-vampire child,” the interviewer continued. Amberlyn gave an indifferent shrug and pouted a bit.

“It’s no worse than a paper cut really,” she said before turning her eyes back to the camera. “There are some of us who were just babies about it.” She paused for a moment before mouthing the word “Bella” to the camera. There was a round of laughter around the basement, including a few chuckles from Jasper. “I’m just saying…I’ve been in more pain when I stubbed my toe. And I gained weight every pregnancy, not lost it.”

“Why don’t you describe your children to us? Oldest to youngest,” the interviewer said, causing Jasper and Amberlyn to turn and look at each other for a moment before returning their gaze to the camera.

“Our oldest is Freudian,” Amberlyn said wearing a wide smile, “he’s only 5 and he’s the thinker of the group. He likes to pick apart everything you say and somehow turn it so that he makes it sound as though you never got enough love from your mother in childhood.”

“Always said he gets that from me, really,” Jasper said with a smirk and a shrug. Amberlyn gave a laugh and clasped her hand on his knee, keeping it there for a moment.

“Then there are the twins; Voldemort and Frodo,” she continued with a wide smile, “Voldemort’s older by three minutes and he’s a bit of a spitfire at times. He gets that from me. I’ve had plenty of people ask me, ‘Why name your child after a dark wizard in a children’s series?’ and I just say, ‘Why not? Wouldn’t you want to be able to say that you get to put Voldemort in time out at least once in your life?’” There was another round of laughter and Amberlyn gave a slight shrug.

“Frodo is a bit of a wimp, to be honest,” Jasper said in a low voice, causing Amberlyn to give him a sharp slap on the arm and the vampire to give a slight wince. “What?” He asked, turning to her with an earnest expression. “I’m just stating the facts, babe. Frodo had a knack for getting into trouble and hurting himself, then he comes crying to me.” Amberlyn looked over at him with her light blue eyes before sighing heavily.

“Frodo likes to use his paper cuts to an advantage with Jasper,” she said softly. “I’ve seen Frodo chase Jasper around the whole city of Philadelphia on a family vacation.” Jasper rolled his amber colored eyes and shook his head.

“He wouldn’t stop brandishing the damn blood around until I let him go see the Liberty Bell,” Jasper said, sounding a bit perturbed as if the memory was a sour one. “So when I finally agree,” he continued through a sigh, “Frodo goes and breaks the thing even more.” Amberlyn looked over at him, pursed her lips a bit, before turning back to the camera.

“Well…I, at least, love Frodo,” she said softly with wide grin, “and Frodo will never watch this beginning episode.”

“That still leave one unaccounted for,” the interviewer said, highly confused by the interaction between the vampire and the woman.

“Oh yes! There’s The Hamburgular,” Amberlyn said with a nod.

“The Hamburgular?” The interviewer asked in a voice rife with disbelief.

“Yes, The Hamburgular,” Jasper cut in, “he’s a rather sneaky child. He’s so sneaky, in fact, that we didn’t know we were expecting until a month before the due date.”

“And when I realized that I was pregnant, all I wanted to eat was hamburgers. So, we named him The Hamburgular,” Amberlyn said, grinning nearly from ear to ear. The interviewer, for the first time in his life, was at a loss for words. He couldn’t believe what he had gotten into by signing onto this reality show.

“So…I think there’s only one more question left; why did you decide to do this TV show?” He asked when he finally got over his lack of words. Amberlyn looked up to Jasper for a moment before she turned them back to the camera. He took that as his silent cue to answer the question.

“Because no one else would believe the crazy things that go on in our lives.”