Bitten Times Four

The camera faded back into Amberlyn and Jasper sitting on the couch, a smile gracing their faces. They watched the host as he sat on the leather chair next to the couch. “Is there any way to meeting your children right now?” he asked. It wasn’t like they were old enough to go to Elementary school. Well, Freudian goes to kindergarten, but that was over by then, plus it was a Friday afternoon.

“I’ll see if they’re awake,” Amberlyn said, pushing herself up off the couch using Jasper’s knee. She kissed his temple before getting lost in her house. The host heard heavy footsteps going up the stairs before hearing, “Boys, you’re wanted downstairs!”

“We don’t wanna gooooo!” whined Voldemort and Frodo at the same time. You could tell they were twins by their voices even. It was that scary.

“Frodo! Stop sitting on the top stair, I’ll smush you when I walk past,” she said before hearing one boy crying. “I told you I would.”

In that moment, Jasper saw a little boy with blonde hair running towards him. “Daddy! Mommy ran over me,” he whined.

“Did you move out of her way?”

“N-no…” Frodo stuttered.

“Then you deserve it,” Jasper said, looking back into the camera. He picked up one of his middle children, holding him toward the camera. “This would be Frodo.” Frodo smiled through his tear streaked eyes and his fangs were sort of noticeable. He wiped at his golden eyes, looking at his father.

“Can you put me down?” he said, his voice very childish. Jasper did as his son wanted him to do. The child ran for it and back up the stairs and to his brother. “Voldemort!” he called before a second voice came into it.

“What?”

“Daddy has a camera downstairs!” With that, the twins ran downstairs and directly to the camera.

“That one’s Voldemort,” he said, pointing back to Frodo. “No, wait, the other one is.” The twins looked exactly the same, except for one difference, Voldemort had a little more color in his cheeks, more human, which was ironic.

Frodo looked at Voldemort with an evil smirk before they both pushed the camera over and it landed on its side with a soft thud against the super soft perfectly white carpet before the two boys ran back up for it. Jasper leaned on his side, so he was upright in the camera’s picture.

“And those were our twins. Aren’t they lovely?” he asked before yelling back up the stairs, “Voldemort, go in time out!”

Amberlyn pulled along Freudian toward the camera as the host pulled it upright, and in her arms The Hamburgular laid still sleeping. She wondered in amazement how he could still be sleeping.

Of course, no more introductions could be made before a voice called from the kitchen, “Did somebody say Voldemort?” It was like a person just showed up into their house. He walked fully into the room and Amberlyn gasped.

“Are you Darren Criss?”

“Who’s Darren Criss and why the hell is he in my house?!” Jasper exclaimed.

“Why yes, yes I am Darren Criss,” he said with a smile on his face. “I play Harry Potter in A Very Potter Musical, and it’s sequal.”

“Harry Potter?! Aren’t I supposed to hate him?” Voldemort called from time out upstairs.

“But, why are you in my damned house?!” Jasper said again.

“I’m supposed to find Voldemort,” Darren said with a nod few nods, “and I’m supposed to vanquish him!” Both Amberlyn and Jasper gave the man a glare. At that moment, The Hamburgular woke up abruptly and glared at him as well with his mismatched colored eyes: one of them was blue, like his mother’s, and the other was golden, like his father’s. He also had his mother’s nearly black hair.

“You’ll do no such thing!” Jasper shouted and the Hamburgular crossed his small, chubby arms over his chest and gave a sharp nod in agreement, pouting out his full bottom lip. Amberlyn let out a sigh and glanced between the two men before resting the Hamburgular on her hip.

“I believe you’ve got the wrong Voldemort,” she said softly, giving Darren Criss a small smile. “Our Voldemort isn’t a dark wizard, nor does he intend to grow up to be one. He’s told me countless times he wants to be a brain surgeon.” Jasper grinned widely at Darren Criss as the man’s face paled a bit before he let out a heavy sigh.

“Well…I suppose if Voldemort is in time out at the moment, he’ll at least listen to you two,” Darren said, glancing between Amberlyn and Jasper. “I’m extremely sorry for this misunderstanding.”

“Oh, it’s no big deal,” Amberlyn said, “believe it or not, we have gotten a few threatening phone calls along the same lines. We’re used to it.” She shrugged a bit and the Hamburgular shrugged along with her, mirroring her expression almost exactly.

“How exactly did you get in the house though?” Jasper asked, raising a brow.

“Oh, I apparated,” Darren said simply, causing Amberlyn to give him a confused look.

“But you aren’t a wizard, so how could you…”She let her voice die off, shaking her head.

“I have my ways,” Darren Criss cooed secretively.

“Well…on your way out, I’d prefer if you’d just use the front door,” Jasper said in a stern voice as Frodo walked over to him and stood just beside him, staring at the odd man in his basement. Darren Criss took his time looking around at the family surrounding him before turning and leaving the room slowly.

“Bye dude!” Frodo called after him before walking over to the couch and flopping down on it. His feet didn’t even reach the edge of the cushion, exposing the bottoms of his tiny Converse. He looked over to the interviewer of the show and gave him a wide grin as Amberlyn and Jasper sat down on either side of him. “Did you get all that on the camera?” He asked, glancing between the glass lens and the interviewer.

“Uh…” The interviewer thought over his words for a moment as he looked between the family members that were present. “Sure,” he drew out the vowel of the word before glancing down to the sheet of paper in front of him and realizing that the questions he was going to ask seemed incredibly boring. He tossed the clipboard to the side unceremoniously. Freudian regarded the interviewer with a thoughtful look that looked much beyond his five years, but didn’t say a word.

Amberlyn and Jasper were giving each other a certain understanding stare before turning their sights back to the interviewer.

“Anything else you’d like to ask us?” Amberlyn asked cheerfully. The interviewer, who was still at a loss for words, looked over at her for a moment with a glazed over look in his eyes before blinking hard. The look vanished and he cleared his throat.

“Well…I’m sure everyone out there is wondering just what your children eat…since they’re…you know, half vampires and all,” the interviewer said hesitantly. He eyes the undeniably adorable yet potentially murderous little boys. Jasper opened his mouth to say something, then thought against it and closed his mouth, squinting his amber colored eyes at the camera for a moment.

“Why don’t we let you kids answer?” He asked, looking over at Frodo, Freudian, and the Hamburgular. The latter looked at the camera, pushed his lips out dramatically, shook his head, and buried his face in Amberlyn’s shoulder.

“We drink the blood of animals,” Frodo said excitedly, his golden colored eyes flashing with a predatory sort of look. “Deer, bunnies, bobcats,” he listed, bobbing his head of golden curls with every word. Freudian looked over at Frodo for a moment before looking back at the camera.

“We took down a bear once,” he said with a slight smirk. “It’s an amazing feat for mere children. But considering we could do a lot worse with humans, I suppose it‘s not so bad.” With those words, he grinned, exposing a mouth of straight white teeth, much different than other kids his age. His deep blue eyes glanced over to the interviewer, who cowered back into his chair, looking very pale. The interviewer whimpered a bit before Freudian stopped grinning and looked over at his father, who looked quite proud of his son.

Before anything else could be said between the family and the host, there was a loud crash upstairs that sounded distinctly like shattering glass. Both Amberlyn and Jasper’s heads snapped toward the staircase, an angry flush tainting the woman’s otherwise porcelain complexion. Then the sound of maniacal, hysterical laughter flooded down the staircase, throughout the house, and ultimately into the basement.

“VOLDEMORT!” Jasper exclaimed as he stood and quickly left the room.