Bitten Times Four

The producers then though it was the perfect time for a commercial and slowly faded out on the family that remained on the couch. The TV screens across America, maybe even the World, faded to black for just a few moments before a kitchen came into view. The kitchen was lit by a horrible white light and was clearly built inside a studio. A woman dawdled into the kitchen before slipping on a wet spot on the linoleum floor, sending the glass casserole dish she had just washed flying through the air. The woman felt flat on her bottom and watched in horror as the dish collided with the floor, shattering into pieces.

“Are you tired of breaking all your measly glass dishes?” A deep man’s voice came over the scene. The woman merely gave a heavy, dramatic sigh and looked directly at the camera nodded a bit. “Well…weep no more!” The scene cut away to the woman holding a flat sheet of glass in her hands as she smiled cheerfully and posed with it. “With the invention of Stanley’s Unbreakable Glass, you won’t have to worry anymore!”

The woman then held the sheet of glass over her head and tossed it to the ground, with remarkable force for a woman of her size, and it merely fell to the ground in one solid sheet.

“See…the glass just won’t break!” She said cheerfully with a small shrug. “It’s amazing!”

The camera then showed an assortment of items that you could get made out of the unbreakable glass, slowly panning from left to right down a line of products available for the everyday consumer to buy.

“You can get dishes, drinking glasses, windows for your home and car to keep out pesky intruders, and for all you fashionable and paranoid folk, clothing!” The voice-man said in a dramatically drawn out voice.

The woman that had dropped the casserole dish was now wearing a vest out of the glass, and it had been molded and frosted to look like a sweater vest. However, the woman looked quite uncomfortable and held her arms out to the side at odd angles.

“Stanley’s Unbreakable Glass is bulletproof and is as strong as Kevlar,” the man doing the voice over said in an impressed voice. “Just watch as Denise puts herself in the line of danger to prove the strength of the glass.” The woman, Denise, merely looked over at the camera, gave a nervous laugh as a gun leveled itself at her. She winced slightly as the person holding the gun pulled the trigger. Instead of shattering the glass and instantly killing Denise, the bullet ricocheted, with a musical ting, off the glass. She let out a heavy sigh of relief and turned to the camera, her smile shaky, yet genuine.

“See…the glass just won’t break!” She exclaimed in a quivering voice.

“Our range of glass clothing is extensive; ranging anywhere from diapers to wedding dresses. Make sure your loved ones are safe from stray bullets, cats, and the occasional flying knife. Stanley’s Unbreakable Glass products could be yours for any price ranging between the price of five and five thousand dollars,” the voice over man said as if five-thousand dollars was a small lump of chump change.

The image of Denise throwing the sheet of glass to the ground replayed again, as if they expected people to get that the glass didn’t break from the name.

“See…the glass just won’t break! It’s amazing!”

“Stanley’s Unbreakable Glass is only available in one mom and pop grocery store in Walla-Walla-Washington and they only carry one item of Stanley’s Unbreakable Glass at a time,” a fast talking yet quiet voice kept talking as the Stanley’s Unbreakable Glass logo shone upon the TV screens across the universe. “Stanley’s Unbreakable Glass may break if heating up to the point the glass melts, if you toboggan down the side of an active volcano with it, or if your child is known as Voldemort.”