Bitten Times Four

The TV faded into a scene of the family that still sat on the couch. The Hamburgular was glaring at the camera with accusation and knowing in his eyes. Amberlyn was staring hard at the basement staircase as she grit her teeth together. The angry sort of color she had painting the apples of her cheeks had grown in intensity. Frodo and Freudian were both staring up at her with slightly frightened looks, as if they were unaware their mother could look so angry or that they had seen her look like that before and were afraid of the consequences. There were a couple of loud thuds, the sound of broken glass shards being sloshed around, and Jasper’s booming curses before another bout of maniacal laughter. The interviewer tentatively cleared his throat, hoping to catch Amberlyn’s attention and silently remind her they were on the air.

Four sets of eyes snapped to him suddenly and he swallowed hard. There was something a bit unnerving to him about three half-vampire, half-human children all focusing on him at one time. He didn’t know how fast they could run, but he was certain that it was faster than he could. {i]‘Damn all those Dunkin Donuts and late nights with pizza and beer,’ the interviewer thought spitefully to himself. The ferocious glare that Amberlyn wore was frightening to him too, despite the fact she was a normal human. She was a woman, and the interviewer found angry women perhaps even scarier that half-vampire, half-human children.

Suddenly, Amberlyn’s harsh expression evaporated and a warm, charming smile had replaced the scowl that she once wore. It seemed that Freudian and Frodo relaxed along with their mother.

“I’m sorry about that,” she said in a soft, sweet voice, “Voldemort sometimes cries out for attention in the form of ruining priceless antiques and family heirlooms. Jasper should have it under control in a few minutes.” The interviewer just stared at the woman for a moment before clearing his throat again.

“Doesn’t that make you angry? The fact that he destroys important things of yours?” He asked. Amberlyn let out a laugh, that sounded curiously like a seagull’s caw, and shook her head slowly.

“Not at all. Jasper quite likes the task of putting together the pieces again once all the children have gone back so sleep. I don’t think there’s a piece of glassware in this house that hasn’t been broken and put together by Jasper…spare the one that Voldemort just broke,” she said, nodding a bit. The interviewer raised an eyebrow.

“So, I take it Jasper doesn’t sleep much?” He asked, which incited another birdlike laugh from Amberlyn.

“He doesn’t sleep at all,” she said with a simple shrug and a shake of her head, one that The Hamburgular mirrored impeccably. The interviewer’s next question died on his lips as a child’s terrified scream resonated through the house.

“Not Albus! Not Albus!” Voldemort’s shrill shriek filled the basement as if he were sitting on the couch with the majority of his family. “I’ll be good, Albus! I promise! No more breaking things!” The small child sounded on the brink of tears and he could have very well been crying.

“Alright, you can go sit back down on the couch with your brothers and mother,” Jasper’s voice replied, though it sounded as though he was trying to twist his slight Southern twang to a half-British, half-Irish accent, but failing tremendously. Small, frantic footsteps made their way down the stairs and Voldemort, with tears in his eyes and a bright red flush to his cheeks, plopped down on the couch next to Frodo.

The interviewer glanced to him then to Amberlyn who was smiling to the small boy before her eyes darted to the staircase in the basement. She bit her bottom lip, hard, as an unreadable look came to her crystalline blue eyes.

“Well…hello Headmaster Dumbledore,” she said in a quiet, bordering on seductive voice and the camera slowly spun on it’s axis to focus on whoever she was clearly making a pass to. This “Headmaster” really was just Jasper in long, flowing blue robes, a funny-looking pillbox hat that matched his robes, a pair of half-moon glasses, and a pure white, long wig and beard. He looked pleased with himself as he stared at Amberlyn as he walked to the couch and sat down beside her, wrapping an arm around her shoulder.

“This is…Albus Dumbledore?” The interviewer asked, glancing between Jasper and Amberlyn, bordering on hysterical laughter.

“I honestly had no idea who Dumbledore was for the longest time. This was just a costume I like to put on when Amberlyn and I have time alone,” Jasper said with a wily grin. A very humanly blush rose to Amberlyn’s cheeks as she looked away from the camera. “It wasn’t until Voldemort broke something during our alone time and I went to discipline him wearing this that I found out who Albus was. Which is odd, because Voldemort’s never met anyone named Albus.” The little boy known as Voldemort gave a visible shudder and shook his head, wrinkling up his nose dramatically. The interviewer, and the entire crew for that fact, were at a complete loss of words. They all knew something was wrong with the family when the started, but within the span of thirty minutes on air, all these weird quirks the family had was just offsetting. Amberlyn spent the seconds that passed, which didn’t feel the least bit awkward to her, glancing from the man behind the camera, to the interviewer, then to the girl that did her hair and makeup with a wide smile. She drew in a deep breath of air and broke the silence first.

“We’re having a Christmas party tomorrow,” she said quickly, still wearing her wide smile. “All our old friends and acquaintances are going to be there, right Jas?” Amberlyn asked, glancing over to her husband as she twirled a bit of the long hair from the beard around her index finger slowly.

"We are, indeed," Jasper said, his twang slightly noticable then. He closed his eyes and nodded once before stroking his fake beard with his free hand that wasn't around Amberlyn. He smiled toward the camera for a moment.

"Well, we won't want to miss that, now will we?" the interviewer said. He smiled in return and asked, "Why is it, when it's fake, that you're stroking your beard?"

Amberlyn answered then. "He got accustomed to it after the late night." Her cheeks flushed a deeper shade of red. She never was comfortable talking about her night life to strangers.

"Ah," he responded, nodding his head slowly. Jasper, on the other hand, could feel the immense shaking from one of his twin sons. Voldemort wasn't even near the couch, and Dumbledore frightened him. Jasper laughed then, looking his little son dead in the eye with a maniacle look, like he would kill. Voldemort shrieked then, and ran back up the stairs.

"DON'T LET HIM GET ME!" he shrieked from his room. The distinct slamming of a door sounded floors above them before another thing shattered. Jasper laughed, the look of evil torn from his face. It wasn't like he did that all the time, but today seemed especially fun to prank his little son.

"That was not nice daddy," Frodo said. It's like twin telepathy, he could still feel his brother shaking from the room. He shook his head, repromandingly. The Hamburglar immitated him perfectly, and Amberlyn laughed. This was exactly why she loved her family. She couldn't get enough of them.

Freudian looked at his family with a sort of sad smile. "Look at what I have to live with," he said. But, that's just him being his usual self. When someone should be worried is when he's actually happy.

"Is that little boy always so depressing?" the interviewer asked.

"You should watch out when he's actually happy. It's quite a scary sight. Oh, and when he's hyper. I'd watch your car, it might get injured," Amberlyn said, a twinkle in her eye. She leaned into Jasper, who still had his arm around her. She smiled, snuggled into him more.

The Hamburglar, then, began to cry softly. "It's time for him to go to bed anyway. It would be a good thing if you left for tonight. Unless you, in fact, want to creep on us and stay here all night. Jasper will be watching," Amberlyn said, and Jasper nodded. She took her baby boy in her arms and carried him upstairs.

"I don't want to sleep yet!" Frodo exclaimed before Jasper put him in a headlock.