Right Through Me


“Are you sure you want to do this?” I glanced back at Cesc who held a worried expression on his face. Last night I stayed the night at his house since he needed a friend to help him cope with the break up.

He told me bits and pieces of what happened but some of it is still unclear, all he said was that they weren’t seeing eye to eye for quite a while now and that they both decided to move on. The look in his eyes was telling me different.

Something happened and I really want to know what. Huffing softly as I looked at the restaurant Li text me last night, I scanned around to see if the ‘couple’ was here. Crossing my arms I nodded, “I rather have you here with me than sitting alone with Li and Fernando. I’m not ready for that yet”

The short man nodded before he gripped my hand tightly in reassurance, “If you ever feel uncomfortable, we can leave whenever you feel like it. Don’t push yourself too much” he said to me softly.

I was never more grateful than now, having Cesc by my side at the most heartbreaking time was comforting. I don’t know what I would do if I was sitting across from Li and Fernando all own my own, it would just be awkward no matter how nice Li is.

She kissed Fernando and she’s an enemy in my book but then again he kissed her back, but I still despise her more. I couldn’t bring myself to not hate that woman. I just do, my gut was telling me to not trust that two face demon.

Gnawing on my lip as we decided to see if they reserved a table for us, the waitress glanced over at the list, “Ah, yes we indeed have Torres. Party of four, correct?”

Cesc smiled, “That would be us, the other two will be here shortly” the waitress nodded before grabbing four menus guiding us to our table. Sitting down I saw that Cesc was sitting across from me; I raised a brow as he thanked the waitress when she gave him a menu.

He peered up at me with a sheepish smile, “What?”

“Why are you over there? Shouldn’t you sit next to me?”

“I thought it would be best if Nando sat next to you, ya know. To get rid of the awkwardness that surrounds you both”

“It’s going to be more awkward having him sit next to me” I grumbled looking at my menu, “Kit” he sighed when I rose my menu up blocking my face. I didn’t want to sit next to Fernando, it was too painful.

All those memories of what we use to have would always come flooding back when I see him. The searing pain that spreads throughout my heart pounds into my blood circulating throughout my whole body making me numb when I saw Fernando greet Cesc.

Sitting frozen stiff Cesc stood up to hug Li when they were finally introduced to one another. Fernando looked at me fidgeting a bit before I saw Li push him towards me. Cesc gave me a look saying I better get up and greet him before he does something embarrassing.

Knowing he would gladly take that to put me to shame, I put the menu down before I looked up and smiled at the striker, “Nice to see you Fernando”

“Likewise” he said stiffly.

Where did the meaningless effort of a conversation we had last night gone? We talked with ease when it was just us, maybe that was it. Having Li and Cesc here probably made things just more weird and awkward.

No, I just think it’s just Li. The look she was giving him was sickening. You can tell the Asian woman was head over heels with the man but I couldn’t tell the same for Fernando. He was always hard to read; even when we were together sometimes I didn’t know what he was thinking unless he told me.

Cesc cleared his throat, “So, what entrees do you recommend?” he turned to Li wanting to have her give her full attention towards him. Her dark brown eyes that was lingering on Fernando was transfixed on the Spaniard sitting next to her with a wide smile, “What do you prefer?”

Once they had that going, she started to point out the entrees that Cesc could get; his eyes flickered to me for a second before nodding his head as to what Li was telling him. That sneaky little weasel, he’s distracting her so I have to talk to Fernando.

Twiddling with my thumbs I swallowed hard as my grey eyes peered up at the Spanish man that was sitting next to me. “H-how’s everything going for you?” I asked.

What a stupid way to start a conversation.

I have no idea how many times I always made a fool out of myself when I was around him. The first thing I ask him is how’s everything going? I should kick myself for being so stupid.

“It’s been alright, I’m getting by. London is a lot bigger than Liverpool” he attempted to smile at me.

I weakly smiled back, “It is but you will get use to it. You were always good at adapting to new surroundings so I have no doubt in my mind you will get use to this huge city”

It was true. He was so gifted at molding his life around the things that come his way. When he first moved from Spain to England, he slowly started to get use to the weather and culture here. When he started to learn English, he was a bit scared and shy to use it but forcing him to speak it more often made him a bit more articulate than me sometimes.

I think the biggest obstacle he had was me. His life was so peaceful and serene before I started to become his girlfriend. Once I said yes when he asked, who would have thought that our relationship would have been a downward spiral down to oblivion.

I never thought it would end this way. Never thought in a million years I would be sitting next to Fernando who is now my ex with his ‘friend’ Li and Cesc who is now single. Everything just seems like it’s falling apart; like nothing can stay the same forever.

Everything changes, everyone changes and we need to learn how to adapt.

That my biggest fear and challenge is learning how to accept change. Fernando wants kids and marriage that requires change. Everything he wants, you need to change and learn new things. I didn’t want any of that.

Why fix something that was never broken?

I hated change.

Never liked surprises or anything, like what happened with Adam was definitely change and I never want to go through with something like that again.

“Kit” I blinked seeing that Fernando had a worried expression on his face, “You alright?”

I looked around to see Cesc and Li were sharing the same looks as Fernando as I nodded, “I’m just a bit hungry is all, so what’s good here”

“Try the parmesan chicken, it’s really good” Fernando suggested.

“No, you should try the shrimp scampi” Li spoke up with a tight smile

Fernando looked at Li before he said softly, “Kit is allergic to shrimp” my body tensed when he told Li something that was a little personal. I knew I shouldn’t be shocked that he remembered something like that but couldn’t help but have my heart swell up when he continued.

“I had to learn the hard way; around three years ago I cooked grilled shrimp along with some pasta for Kit for our one year anniversary dinner. I thought she would like to try the new recipe I learned and after a little while we finished our food and went for a walk I saw how Kit’s face was swelling up. She freaked out and took her to the hospital to find out she was allergic. The look on your face was priceless” he laughed softly.

I couldn’t help but let out a few giggles when he was sharing the story with Li and Cesc, our eyes caught one another before we looked the other way resuming the previous conversation. The whole dinner was a little bit relieving since Cesc was there to break up any tension we all had.

It was something I rather much enjoyed and as we all walked out of the restaurant we hugged one another good bye, Fernando stepped forward and engulfed me in a hug, “It was fun having you around again. We should do it again sometime….just the two of us”

My smile widened as I tightened my hold on him muttering into his jacket, “I would love to”

Stepping back as I watched Li and Fernando walk away I looked back at Cesc with a shy smile before I hugged him, “What’s that for?”

“For being the bestest friend a girl could ever ask for” I whispered into his shoulder, pulling back “Come on, let’s go watch your favorite show Desperate Housewives” I teased.

Cesc pouted linking arms with me, “Don’t blame me, it’s addicting. Once you watch it, you can’t stop”

“Sure, sure whatever you say Francesca”
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