Right Through Me

Walking back with Fernando to our house, I shyly sat on our bed as Fernando helped me wrap bandages on my back.

"It astounds me how you could sleep on the floor covered in glass" he said with concern. His fingers grazed on my raw skin that was rubbing the soothing cream to help my skin heal properly. I hissed in pain as he rubbed it in.

He muttered an apology as he continued to rub the cream on my skin, then he grabbed the gauze tape as he wrapped that around my back. Looking straight ahead, trying my hardest to ignore the searing pain of back burning back as he wrapped the gauze around my body.

My body wanted to flinch back and avoid his hands that cause me pain even though he was trying to avoid the damaged skin. My tense body soon relaxed with he put tape on the end of the strip and he gently kissed my shoulder saying he was finished.

Standing up, flexing to see if he wrapped it too tight, but was satisfied that he wrapped it just right. "Rest up, while I clean up the mess in the kitchen" Heat rose to my cheeks as I remembered that I didn't clean up the mess and was so focused on my wounds that I didn't do it.

Nodding in contentment as he walked down the stairs, slowly climbing on the bed again. I watching TV until the phone started to ring. I yelled "I got it!" Pressing the talk button, I answered the phone and my body tense once again when I heard the voice.

"Kitty?"

I quickly hung up the phone, heart thumping in my chest, setting the phone back. Fernando came through the door with a worried expression when he saw how shaken I was. Joining me on our comfortable soft, bed.

"Kitty?" worry dripped in his voice, his honey brown eyes connected with mine as it shined with concern. My eyes started to water, blinking to get rid of the stubborn tears that wanted to flow down my cheeks.

"I'm fine" I croaked.

Fernando grabbed my hand with his larger one, squeezing it reassuringly. "Don't lie to me, Kit. I thought we talked about this?" His voice was stern yet gentle, wanting to know what got me in a panic.

Being my usual self, I shook my head with a smile "I don't want to talk about it" Fernando seemed a bit hesitate to let go of the issue that I didn't want to share with him, but nonetheless he let it go.

Wrapping my tiny arms around his body, I laid down, bringing him down with me. Just snuggling into him wanting to feel the security that he always manages to give me when I'm around him. Stroking my leg in comfort since he can't stroke my back without me wincing in pain. I drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

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Tapping on the brown wooden table, I constantly scanned around to see if Alex would walk through the door. Leaning back into the chair, I winced as I felt the searing pain going through my back.

I pouted, sitting straight back not wanting to go through the pain once again. Smelling the aroma of the restaurant that filled the air, it soothed me a bit. But I was still the impatient one and wanted my friend to appear already.

Happy to see that my blond friend walked through the door, with a smile on her face with the black haired Spaniard woman. Furrowing my eyebrows as to why Alex was walking towards me with Yolanda in tow.

Don't get me wrong, I loved the woman just as much as Alex. I just thought it was weird to have them walk through the door at the same time when I only asked Alex to join me for lunch, but once thinking it through this will kill two birds in one stone.

Beaming at them, I stood up opening my arms for a warm welcome to my friends. First hugging the tall blond and then hugging the Spanish woman. "How the baby?" Yolanda glowed at the question as she rubbed her stomach lovingly.

"The baby is great, thank you" We all sat down looking at our menus trying to figure out what we wanted to eat at the moment. Alex and Yolanda started to talk about their children nonstop and how excited Yolanda is to have her third child.

"Do you want another girl, Yo?" I asked, wanting to join the conversation that they were so engulfed in. Yolanda looked back at me and shook her head "I think it would be best if it was a boy this time, it would be nice to have a little boy running around with my two girls"

Alex nodded in understanding, her blue eyes glued to me "Speaking of babies, when are you and Nando are going to start having little ninos running around?" Flabbergasted at her comment, I put the menu down, forgetting what I wanted to order.

"Nando and I haven't even started to think or talk about having children yet." I replied in honesty. Alex and Yolanda both shared a look of shock "WHAT?! You two have been together for about four years already. You haven't talked about marriage, kids, hell Fernando had to convince you for the longest time to move in with him. What's going on, Kitty?"

Biting my lip, I averted my gaze. Feeling a bit sick to my stomach, I sipped the glass of water that was sitting on the table. I took a huge sip, figuring out what I should say to them about those certain topics.

Gulping the water down, I let out a breath "The thing is, I don't want to get married, it's such a huge commitment to one person and what if you get divorced. I don't want that to happen and for kids, I don't want any even though Fernando told me he wants a couple." I confessed.

It was torture seeing my friends look at me the way they were, they seem disappointed that I didn't want the fairytale that they are living in. They looked utterly speechless, Yolanda spoke up "Can't you compromise"

I rolled my eyes, gripping the glass of water "There's no compromise for marriage and kids. I already moved in with him and I know this sounds selfish. Marriage isn't for everyone and I think it's not right for me"

Wanting them to understand where I was coming from, they couldn't help but keep asking what Fernando thought about this whole thing. It's been months since I have talked to Fernando about the whole thing and now I didn't want to bring it up again.

Putting my hands up for them to stop talking "Please, I don't want to stress Fernando out even more, he's already down because of his performance this season. Bringing this up will only hurt him in the end."

Alex didn't look convinced " Hurt him, or do you mean it will hurt you?" in a bitter tone that I never heard from her before. It dripped malice and resentment that I was being this selfish, self-centered person that wouldn't give Fernando what he wanted.

I reached out to Yolanda hoping she would understand but she couldn't but help to agree with Alex "I have to agree with Alex, I think your only looking out for yourself since you know Fernando will keep asking you after you bring it up. Fernando will only be there for a certain amount of time, he could give up on your relationship anytime he wants, yet he still stays with you hoping that you will change your mind. It could be a matter of time before he meets someone else who will give him what you won't"

My heart pulled at the thought of him finding another woman that will fulfill his dreams of having a family, a family he wanted to build with me yet I didn't want to. Looking at my two friends, I couldn't help but feel lonely.