Right Through Me

I smiled widely as I held hands with Fernando while I rambled about my hometown. Fernando was quiet the whole time, adding words in every now and again.

I stopped seeing how fast I was talking, “Sorry” I apologized sheepishly “I got too excited for my own good”

For the first time in a long time that we have been on a break, he chuckled. It sent shivers down my spine as his deep throaty laugh echoed all around us in the busy city of London.

“No, no. It’s fine. I love hearing about where you came from” he licked his lips “You miss it, don’t you?” he asked curiously as he tilted his head towards me.

I didn’t know what to expect talking about my hometown the way I was. I never did that; not even when we dated for so long. Just the memory haunted me and I knew there was one reason why I stayed away for so long and that was because of my past.

“Sort of” I shrugged “It’s on and off. Sometimes I miss it and sometimes I’m really glad that I moved”

The Spaniard nodded in understanding knowing where I was coming from since he now knew what happened in my past. It was ugly and dreadfully hard to tell him but it was a necessity if I wanted to keep him.

“Would you ever go back? Home I mean” he clarified his question as we turned a corner with our hands swinging from side to side.

I shrugged again not knowing what to say. It was one of those questions that you really can’t answer because something was holding you back. No matter how deep you dig, you can never find the answer.

“I rather visit your hometown instead” I smiled weakly trying to change the subject.

He rolled his eyes, “Kit, we always visit my hometown when we have vacation. I would love to see where you came from” he stopped caressing my cheek “It would mean a lot”

I groaned at his attempt to seduce me to cave in and go to my hometown. Narrowing my grey eyes at the man before me I couldn’t believe he was trying this one me, “Fine” I pouted “But we get to do whatever I want”

Fernando sighed, “Never knew you can be such a baby about this but fine unless it’s an unreasonable request then the answer is no”

I scoffed, “He’s getting smarter” I mumbled.

It was true, I use to get away with things like that when we first started dating since he didn’t really know a lick of English but he isn’t the same man anymore. The shy, timid, quiet, polite man was still in there but he seems to grow a lot since we have broken up.

I noticed that today; that he is more assertive about what he wants and doesn’t let me step all over him like he used to. Fernando was finally becoming a man…I think.

He noticed my gaze as he fidgeted uncomfortably not knowing what to do. “What are you staring at?” he asked nervously; he probably didn’t want to make a fool out of himself if I was staring at something else and not him.

“You” I bit my lip before casting my gaze up towards the cloudy sky “And how much you changed since I have last seen you…its nice”

“We both changed. For the better I believe.” Untangling our hands and moving his hand over my shoulders as he brought me closer to his side. I almost closed my eyes in comfort as his familiar warmth encircled me.

I missed it. All the security and love that he always has shown me and I was utterly grateful for what he has done. As much as I hate to admit it the break up might have been good for the both of us.

It gave us time to think or in my case wallow in misery as I had sex with Noah. I winced at his name. Noah. I was so wrapped up on meeting Fernando again that I totally forgot about him.

My heart started to pound in my ribcage, anxious that he might pop out of nowhere and ruined everything that I have worked for. Should I tell Fernando what I have done while we were broken up?

Walking in a soothing pace as I glanced up at the Spanish striker, I thought; why should I? It’s not like we were together nor have any plans of getting back together when he did break up with me.

I was a single woman, still am a single woman now that I thought about it. Even if we had a heart to heart didn’t mean we automatically got the titles of girlfriend and boyfriend again.

I wanted to whine thinking about the girlfriend/boyfriend conversation that we had to have when we were ready. I didn’t like it the first time and I know I am not going to like it the second time.

The first time was a lot more awkward of course since the language barrier was a problem but it was so cute the way he asked me. Fernando had Xabi teach him how to ask me to be his girlfriend in English so he didn’t need to have a translator when we talked.

It didn’t work out so well since when he started to fumble with his words he asked if I wanted to be his refrigerator, I giggled at the memory making him peer down at me in curiosity.

“Why are you laughing?”

I grinned even more, “Just remembered when you first asked me to be your refrigerator” I giggled even more at the mere thought and the memory of me being confused as to why he would ask me that question.

Fernando deadpanned, “I was nervous and one of the first words I learned was refrigerator for some reason” he slowly ended.

“Well out of all the boyfriends I had ask me that question, you take the cake” I smirked as my grey eyes gleamed.

It was a touching memory of Fernando and I. It made me realize how much history we had with one another; something that I didn’t want to let go. I wanted to make even more memories with him.