Right Through Me

“Kitty?” Fernando called out to me cautiously as his eyes wavered from me to the place behind me. He should be terrified, I didn’t know if I was hearing wrong or if I was going crazy again as the words came tumbling out of my mouth.

“Are you fucking kidding me? Li Gomes?” my jaw locked as I narrowed my grey orbs at my boyfriend.

“Yes I am dead serious. What’s wrong with Li?”

“First off she is madly in love with you that can hinder our relationship”

Fernando looked confused “How does it hinder our relationship. I love you not her she was always been on the friend zone since I have met her. Never have I developed any feelings for her-”

“But why her?” I shot back “You couldn’t pick Alex, Yolanda, Nagore hell you can pick your mother!” what I didn’t get was why he wants to pick Li to be Mai’s godmother, it didn’t make sense to me when there are a lot more women that were more probable to take care of a child since Li isn’t a mother from what I understand.

“Because she has been an amazing friend to me and I know that if anything happened to us that she would take care of Mai. Li has done nothing to you and you need to get rid of that stupid thought in your brain that I am going to leave you for her because that is never going to happen” Fernando was frustrated I could tell that much.

His brown eyes darkened as his thin lips were straighten as the vein on his neck pulsed with each breath he took. Being the stubborn one that I was I stood up “There is no way in hell that I want Li anywhere near my daughter. End of discussion”

Storming out of the kitchen with chips forgotten on the table as I slammed my bedroom door closed as I tossed myself on the bed taking a few breaths; I knew myself well enough that if I stayed there longer than I should then it wouldn’t end pretty and if I was to raise a child with Fernando I need to learn how to control my temper.

Stuffing my face on the comforter I let out a loud sigh as my body relaxed on the soft blankets hearing the rain patter on the window pane. The sound was irritating itself as it pounded on the window and all I wanted to do was suffocate myself.

Too lazy to change my clothes I closed my eyes lying on my bed waiting for the darkness to consume me and it took longer than it should have. Right when I was about to fall asleep I heard my door creak open making my mind perk at the sound.

“Kitty?” I didn’t make a sound as he whispered my name; I heard his footsteps come closer to me probably checking if I was asleep.

He pissed me off more than ever today so he didn’t deserve to know if I was awake or asleep. There was a pause mid stride “I know you’re awake” he said with his normal tone but I didn’t want him to know just yet that I was awake even though he called me out on it.

“Kit” the bed bounced as he jumped on it before crawling on top of me I laid there completely still “Kit” he mumbled as he wrapped his arms as much as he could with my body sprawled around the queen size bed. Fernando sighed as he nuzzled his face into my neck “I’m sorry for springing that on you but you need to understand that Li is my best friend out of all the girls here so it was natural for me to choose her”

I pouted my lips before I slowly opened my eyes with blurry vision “I thought I was your best friend”

He rolled his eyes before he chuckled at my childish behavior “Other than you mi amour. Forgive me?”

In the deepest part of my mind I wanted to decline his question but I knew that I needed to change. For the better and I couldn’t be stubborn not to make amends at the simplest things such as this “Only if you forgive me for being a douche”

“Deal…I know you can’t help it sometimes because it has been a part of you for so long that you don’t know how to control your anger…” he trailed off leaving me turn around so I was facing him with him still on top of me looking at each other I could tell what he wanted to ask by the look he was giving me.

Nibbling on my lip “….I guess Li can be Mai’s godmother. If you trust her enough to have such a responsibility then I guess I should learn to respect your decision and trust her” Fernando beamed like a child “But it doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t be watching her like a hawk”

“Thank you for being understanding…. Oh I almost forgot to show you something” Fernando rolled to one of my sides as I looked at him confused before he rolled up his pant leg as it showed something on his calf.

I leaned forward to touch it in awe as I read the Roman numeral numbers that were inked on his tan skin “Is that?” I couldn’t finish my sentence as he nodded “It’s the day we first met. I got this the day of our anniversary but you know how that went”

The break up was still a soft spot for the both of us but I didn’t hold a grudge from him then or now because I would have dumped my ass way before he ever did. I never did feel deserving to have Fernando in my life but day by day I was beginning to learn that I did deserve him until I started to act up like I did tonight.

A smile broke out of my face as I kissed the tattoo on his calf before my eyes wandered to his other tattoos “Any more that I should know of?” raising a brow as my eyes wandered to see if there were any more surprises.

“No” he chuckled and it got me thinking that maybe I should get one since Fernando has been so amazing to me and has done so much that I learned from my bitter mistakes. He distracted me from my thoughts “Do you have any?”

His mocha eyes started to look over the visible skin as I squirmed around smacking his hands away “No I don’t. Leave me alone” a giggle left my lips

“You do have one. Let me see”

“I don’t! You have seen me naked so many times before and not once have you seen any inked skin” I tried to defend myself.

“But we weren’t together for a space of time and you could have gotten your tattoo then” he pinned me down successfully as I breathed out heavily. Pursing my lips as Fernando let his brown eyes become soft as he pleaded “Please can I see it?”

I felt embarrassed as I sat up with his consent as I rolled the part of my shirt to show my rib cage feeling his eyes read the phrase that was written in old English. ‘The heart is the place where we live our passions. It is frail and easily broken, but wonderfully resilient. There is no point in trying to deceive the heart. It depends upon our honesty for its survival’

That quote meant so much to me; it kept reminding me that I shouldn’t be so doubtful about what I want or lie to myself that I saw something when it’s not even there. I needed to focus on being honest with myself and to Fernando in order for our relationship to last and I couldn’t help but feel heat rise to my cheeks when his smothering gaze read the phrase.

His fingertips softly traced each letter before I turned his attention to me “And I got this one too” showing him my left ring finger to show him Mai’s name tattoo in cursive on the left side of my finger “I got it when I lived with Cesc. After the first tattoo I wanted to get this one since all I could think about was Mai during my days alone and now that she’s so close…it means so much more to me”

A smile danced on my lips as Fernando grabbed my hand as he leaned his head on mine “I love you Kitty”

“I love you too Nando”

Our small conversation was soon interrupted when there was a loud banging on our front door; I furrowed my eyebrows at who would be knocking on our door at two in the morning. Getting up from my bed I walked down stairs with Fernando trailing behind me and when I swung the door open my stormy eyes grew darker.

With a grim expression I hissed “Noah”