Right Through Me


I sighed as I started to pack my bags, filling them with clothes and other items that I needed. Looking around to grab other things that I wanted to take I decided to leave the furniture here since it was Fernando’s in the first place.

I bit my lip remembering what he said to me, tears pricked my eyes as I cleared my throat to get my act together. I had to be strong. This was the best for the both of us, to not be together. It was weird saying that since I have known Fernando since I arrived here in England.

Now we have gone our separate ways, the door bell rang I got up and jogged downstairs to answer the door. When I opened it, I saw two of my best friends Alex and Stevie with a saddened expression. Everyone knew about the break up, it has been a week since it has happened.

I sighed, letting them in before I closed it shut. “You’re really leaving then?” I heard Alex asked. It broke my heart to nod my head since she is one of my closest friends. I scoffed, “You act like I’m leaving the country”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if you did.” Stevie responded.

I quirked an eyebrow at the British man before I asked what he meant by that. “It seems logical for anyone to move away from the person that just broke their heart. As far away as possible to try to mend their heart back together again, I mean Fernando was the main reason you stayed isn’t it?”

Alex nudged him roughly, “Don’t be jumping to conclusions like that Stevie.”

I shook my head, “No Alex. It’s true. I was always planning on moving back to America once I finished school here but when I met Fernando” I choked up, taking a shaky breath in while Alex rubbed my back in a soothing motion.

“It all changed when I met him. Ironic that it changed again because of him. Life is a bitch.” I sneered. I couldn’t believe that everything I put into the relationship, it’s all gone in an instant. So quickly and effortlessly that I didn’t have time to blink.

He left so quickly with Li, never looking back as he drove out of the driveway. “Anyways Stevie, Alex.” I said “You will always be one of my closest friends and will keep in touch with you. I’m not moving that far away actually.”

I smiled at them with reassurance, we talked to a little bit as they helped me back my things. It seems to be a bit tougher for Alex to pack my clothes in boxes and bags since I was really close to her since the moment I had met her.

My thoughts started to wander a bit, thinking about what Stevie said. Maybe moving back to America will help me get over Fernando. Not only Fernando but the bastard of a man who I know as Noah who had completely ruined me.

The more I thought about it, the more I wanted to actually go home for a bit. It’s been a while since I have seen my older sister Vallon and I know she has been dying to see me. The doorbell rang again and I answered it.

“Kit, you ready to go?” my coworker Katie asked me with a small smile. I nodded my head before I let her in as she started to gather my things, before she did that she greeted the two guests that I had in my house.

We all started grabbing the items that were on the floor and moving them to the huge SUV that Katie has driven over here. Piling the boxes and bags one by one I saw in the corner of my eye my neighbors walking towards us.

I immediately went to go hug Yolanda and the girls before I embraced Pepe tightly. He was the older brother I have always wanted and the man who I was closest to other than Fernando of course.

“I never thought it this would happen. I’m so sorry Kitty.” Yolanda said, “Damn. I told myself I wasn’t going to cry. Stupid hormones.” She waved her hand in front of her face to help get rid of the tears that were pooling in her eyes.
I laughed with her before I embraced her one more time, “Me neither, but I promise to keep in touch with all of you.” I kneeled down towards the two girls “And I will visit you girls soon. Okay?”

Grecia and Alma both nodded before they wrapped their tiny arms around my neck and torso telling me that they were sad that I was leaving. Pepe picked Alma up since she started to cry, he bounced her a bit to soothe her.

Grecia looked up at me with her curly locks, “You and tio Nando are going to visit us right?” my throat tightened at his name before I stiffly nodded at her question. She smiled back before she waved goodbye when I started to walk towards Katie’s car.

Sliding into the car, Katie got in backing the car up once she saw it was clear. My gray eyes looked at the family that I was leaving behind as they waved. I sent them a small watery smile; finally it hit me that I wasn’t going to see them every day like I use to.

I couldn’t just walk over to Pepe’s house for advice or to play and goof around with the girls. All because the house that I live in makes me thinks of the Spaniard I truly wanted to forget. Wanting to get the phone call over with, I dialed the number waiting for him to pick up.

It rang twice before I heard his voice, “Hola?” my heart beat faster just by hearing his deep melodic voice that I always craved. I closed my eyes savoring it before I answered, “Hey Fernando, it’s me. Kit”

I slapped myself mentally for being retarded. Of course he knew it was me, he does still have my phone number in his phone and my name pops up whenever I call. I heard him chuckle “Of course.” He paused for a second “Have you made up your mind yet?”

I heard shuffling from his side of the phone and waited for him to get situated before I told him my final decision. “Yes I have. I decided to move out. Well actually I already did, today. So you can do whatever you want with the house now.”

It hurt me to say those words, it sounded so horrible to say it. Wanting to take back every word and reverse time so I wouldn’t have messed up the best relationship I have ever had.

My thoughts continued to wander off to his thin lips that I always love to have pressed against mine. The same lips the always soothed me when I was emotional, telling me that it was going to be okay. Those same lips that uttered the three magical words that made my heart swoon.

But at the same exact time, those lips are treacherous because those were the same ones that shared what he truly felt about me. How I am a burden that he couldn’t deal with my mess anymore. That he wanted us to end our relationship.

It was bittersweet.

“Nando?” my gray eyes snapped open hearing Li’s voice. I sat up even straighter in my seat before I looked out my window to hide my expression from my coworker who keeps sending me worried glances me way.

I heard Fernando talk to her for a second telling her that he was on the phone with me. “Sorry about that-“

“What’s Li doing at your house?” I snapped. I couldn’t help but feel my blood boil at the thought of that tramp being there. No matter how much she was nice to me when I met her, I didn’t like her one bit. The only reason is because she’s on Fernando’s good side and I’m not.

“Kit.” He said sternly “Don’t start”

“So that’s it huh?” I asked “Just after a week of breaking up with me… you go sleep with that whore!” I couldn’t keep my emotions to myself. They were set free, running wild doing whatever they pleased.

“Don’t you dare yell at me! She’s not a whore! She’s a friend of mine and she can come over whenever she pleases! I don’t know why you’re still paranoid, we are not even together anymore!” he screamed, hearing that Spanish temper fire up.

I gripped the phone tighter, “You're wondering why I’m acting like this?! You know damn well why I am acting like this Fernando Jose Torres Sanz” I growled lowly.

“Doesn’t matter, you crossed the line. Get your act together Kit or you’re never going to be happy… with anyone.” He added bitterly.

At that last sentence he hung up the phone in anger. I growled in frustration and I shoved my phone back in my pocket. Tugging at my light blond strands, how can it get this bad. Where we were just having a civil conversation and then a freakin’ war between us has begun.

Our fights were never this bad but then again we have never broken up before so this is new territory for me. “Kitty? You okay?” Katie asked, her voice dripped with worry.

“Just peachy.” I replied “Never better”

I was the opposite though, I hated myself for being stupid. For letting my anger and paranoia get the better of me, gripping me tightly and never letting go. I looked out at the rainy day that we usually have, I prayed that it will get better.
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