Just a Memory

I tapped the glass, mind lost in the substance of what was inside. Inside my head, there was an argument going on; to drink or not to drink. A song played in my head as I tapped at the side of the thin glass. It was a song I didn’t necessarily want or need in my head, at all, and it made the drink that much more inviting.

“Zack, bro, what are you doing?” I heard Brian say, and I peered up from his voice.

“Huh?” had I been paying attention at all to what was going on around me?

“You’ve been staring at that cup for almost twenty minutes, man.” I had shrugged, taking a deep, quick inhale of air. Slowly, I pressed the cup to my lips and sipped at the substance I had almost dreaded to want. Brian seemed to notice the change of emotion from me, and sat down beside me, eyebrows furrowed in such a way where a little divot formed in between them. “You’ve been off all day. What’s eating you?”

“Nothing in particular.” I knew that lie would only get me so far with him. All my friends had a radar for shit like that. Picking at my brain when they knew something was up. It took a few minutes of Brian’s intense gaze for me to peer up at him, sighing, and murmuring so lowly. “Tiffany..”

Brian’s lips turned down into a grimace. “Again?”

“Fucking forget about it.” I slammed the cup on the table and got up, walking away from the table and out of the bar.

This was all I got anymore from them. For years, the scrutinized me for still having those bitter, raw feelings in my chest. Each one of them had their first love; their first real love. Brian had Paige, Matt with Alex, and Johnny with Natalie. It wasn’t really fair. All I got were dead ends, hotel rooms, and skanks who couldn’t keep their legs closed for the life of them.

It was my birthday, and all of them seemed to have to enjoy it more than I did. I was always miserable on this day, forcing a mask on to hide all the little fucking emotions I had. Everyday I was forced to forget, leaving every single memory of her in my subconscious.

I didn’t notice, at all, where my feet were taking me. So lost in thought that I didn’t realize where I was, or where I was going, but when they stopped I noticed. I almost dared not to look where they stopped.

“Come on! We are going to see this!” the annoyance clear in her voice, as if she was actually here right now.

The memory stung, and I peered upward to notice the small closed-down theatre we’d gone to, so many years ago. I blocked out the memory, closing my eyes tightly, but the song just kept playing through my head, taunting and teasing the hurt to come back.

While in my lonesome little, dark thoughts, somehow I knew I wasn’t alone now. Standing here, I felt like someone was either watching me, or very close by to me. I didn’t want to find out, at all. Biting back my tongue, I turned to leave back the way I came, but I was stopped by a single, small voice. It was a voice from my deepest, darkest subconscious thoughts.

“Missed this place. Didn’t think I’d see you here..”