Friends With Benefits

It all began with that idiot Chuck Fink’s stupid seventeenth birthday party.

If Chuck wasn’t such a loser, his parents wouldn’t have felt obligated to invite over the entire school, leave a keg of beer in the living room, and then disappear for the rest of the evening in the hopes that their gangly, jerkwad of a son would somehow make some friends by bribing them with a parent-free house, loud music, and free booze. If Chuck hadn’t had that stupid, awful party, then I wouldn’t have gone in the hope of finally confessing my feelings to Will, my best friend since preschool. If Chuck hadn’t had his lame-ass party, Will wouldn’t have shown up with that world-class bimbo Natalie. If Will hadn’t shown up at Chuck’s god-awful party with Natalie, I never would have taken that first nasty swig of beer. If I hadn’t drunk that nasty beer, I wouldn’t have rushed into the kitchen to immediately spit it out because it was so gross. If I hadn’t run into the kitchen to spit out the nasty beer, I wouldn’t have run into Fletcher Murphy. If I hadn’t run into Fletcher Murphy, we wouldn’t have gotten to talking about how much we hate everyone we go to school with. If I hadn’t started talking to Fletcher Murphy, we would have never awkwardly made out at Chuck Fink’s party.

If I had never made out with Fletcher Murphy at Chuck Fink’s party, I wouldn’t be here right now in the Murphy’s TV room, half-naked, and letting Fletcher run his hands all over me while I secretly thought about Will and how I could get him away from his never-ending stream of idiot girlfriends.

My name is Aileen Iverson and I try to hide the fact that I’m in love with my best friend by hooking up with my worst enemy.