Friends With Benefits

I was not pleased in the least with my task of luring Fletch to his surprise party. In fact, I felt dirty, like someone woman hired by the KGB to seduce James Bond and throw him off his mission so they could build a laser on the moon or something stupid like that. Of course, I am no Russian sex kitten and Fletch is definitely nothing reminiscent of a hunky British super-spy. However, I was the one who had to convince Fletch there was a legitimate reason he had to take me to the skating rink around five-thirty the Sunday afternoon before his birthday.

“What the hell, Aileen?” Fletch snorted when I called him. “I’m not your personal taxi service…”

“Yeah, but I need a ride…” I shrugged.

“To the skate rink?” Fletch snorted. “Why the hell would you need a ride there?”

“I’m… thinking about getting a job…” I suggested lamely.

“At the skating rink?” Fletch snorted.

“I want to buy a car. That way, you wouldn’t have to lug me everywhere,” I continued.

“And who would lug you back and forth to this job until you’ve saved up enough to buy your car?” Fletch said.

“I’ll figure that out,” I shrugged.

“Why the hell would you want to work at the skate rink, anyway?” Fletch said. “It’s full of whiny, snot-nosed middle-schoolers who only want to listen to crappy Top 40 hits and think holding hands is getting to second base. You’d have to sit around the smelly nacho machine that hasn’t been cleaned out since the eighties and spend your afternoons filling grody skates with odor eaters. Not to mention that ridiculous referee uniform they make you wear.”

“Okay, so there are downsides,” I shrugged, “but come on, it’s not like there are many jobs open to teenagers with minimal work and tons of pay.”

“You could come work at the grocery store with me,” Fletch suggested. “The manager’s like me, so I could definitely help you get work there. And it’s pretty easy. You just restock shelves, give people glares while checking out their groceries, and act stupid whenever anyone asks you a serious question. It’s great.”

“I’ll think about it,” I replied. “But first I want to try the skating rink…”

“But it’s...” Fletch began.

“Can you just humor me or something?” I sighed, irritated that this was turning out to be much harder than I had anticipated. “Fine, whatever. I’m sure I could ask someone else to take me…”

“Like who?” Fletch scoffed. “I’m sure Will is getting busy with some bimbo tonight and I’m sure Eric is doing the same with Sara…”

“I heard Chuck’s parents got him a car,” I offered up.

“You really want to go so desperately you’d put up with Chuck ‘Don’t Touch Me There’ Fink?” Fletch laughed. “You must be desperate.”

“If you aren’t going to help me, I’ll just get someone else,” I hissed, deciding maybe Fletch didn’t need to come to his own surprise party.

“Fine, Aileen,” Fletch rolled his eyes. “I’ll be there in five minutes, okay?”

I smirked, glad that I had used my feminine wiles or whatever to convince Fletch to come over and pick me up. It only took him five minutes to drive the whole way over to my house. I could tell Fletch had arrived not because he rang the doorbell but because he sat in front of my house honking his horn obnoxiously until I came out. I rolled my eyes as he continued honking even after I had come out of the house. He finally laid off the horn after I slid into the passenger seat, though his music was turned up obscenely loud. Fletch sped off toward the skate rink without even saying hello to me. I bit my tongue because I knew he would probably regret his behavior once we got to the skate rink.

“You’re insane,” Fletch said to me finally. “You’re completely and utterly nutzo for thinking working at the skating rink is a good thing.”

“Tell me why I’m nutzo,” I said, deciding to humor him.

“Do you remember how awful we were in middle school to the people that worked there? Tormenting them was our second favorite thing to skating while doing the moves to ‘YMCA.’ You can’t be seriously considering putting yourself through that amount of torture,” Fletch shook his head. “Just think of all the greasy pizza, nacho cheese, and fifth-grader snot you’ll be scrubbing off the joy sticks in the arcade. If that’s not enough to make you reconsider, I don’t know what will.”

“How about we talk more about this when we actually get there,” I replied. “I mean, we haven’t been in years, so there are good odds things have changed since we were last there.”

“Changed for the worst,” Fletch grumbled.

I didn’t say anything else about it, not wanting to encourage Fletch into a rant for the rest of the ride to the rink. Instead, I kept things focused to bland topics, such as school and what he was expecting for his birthday the following day, never letting on what I knew. Fletch mentioned something about a new CD, which surprised me because it was the exact same one I had bought for him. I had taken Fletch’s statement that I never put any thought into his presents as a challenge, so I had bought him a couple of CDs and used my parents’ scanner and digital printer to make him a scrapbook of him and all of our friends, hanging out together at various times since middle school. I had contemplated getting him a black garter as a joke, reminiscing about our conversation when we went to get Will’s present, but decided against it since Fletch might not find it so humorous.

Will had graciously taken my gifts with him when he had gone to set up so I didn’t have to explain to Fletch why I had a mysterious present tucked under my arm. Will didn’t ask me what I had gotten Fletch for his birthday put informed me he had bought a couple of shirts with sarcastic sayings as well as one of those babes posing with hot cars calendars as a joke. I though Will’s gifts were pretty lame, but then again, Fletch had gotten him a pair of fuzzy dice for his birthday. I still wondered where the dice had disappeared off to. Will hadn’t hung them up in his car and I was wondering if he pawned them off on someone or something. Regardless, I was determined that Fletch would like my birthday gift better than anyone else’s and wouldn’t be able to chide me about being a crappy gift-giver ever again.

We finally arrived at the skate rink and, even though he hemmed and hawed about how he didn’t need to accompany me inside, I finally managed to convince him to accompany me into the skate rink. I thought perhaps the thought of me being molested or gunned down inside the skate rink would do the trick, but the only way I got him to come with me is promising I would buy him a thirty-two ounce smoothie for his trouble. Fletch muttered the entire way in, not even bothering to question why the lights were all out during peak skating hours until everyone jumped out and yelled surprise. Rather than being shocked or delighted, Fletch sighed and turned to me.

“Dammit, Aileen,” he whispered. “You could have at least warned me! I’m not even wearing socks!”

“Why do you need socks?” I snorted.

“You really want your bare feet touching the sweaty insides of skates being used by hundreds of people a month?” Fletch snorted. I rolled my eyes and then guided him over to where his parents and Kristy were beaming by the table filled with this presents.

I was actually surprised at how many people actually came to the party. I was certain more than a few of them had come for the prospect of free pizza, cake, and skating, but enough of them seemed to genuinely be wishing Fletch a happy birthday. Will immediately took up with one of the flag team girls who had come, someone who had been a lab partner of Fletch’s in the past, and the two of them were skating around together and giggling. I sighed, deciding not to let Will ruin another afternoon for me. Fletch and I raced around the rink once or twice and then he made fun of me since he always knew how to skate backwards and I fell flat on my butt every time I tried. After Fletch helped me up for probably the seventh time, it was time for Fletch to blow out the candles. I ended up sitting with him in a corner with the cake and pizza while everyone around chatted and ate.

“I have to admit, you and Will had a pretty cool idea,” Fletch said.

“I’m glad you think so. Honestly, I told Will I was sure you’d think it was lame,” I shrugged. “Then he reminded me that the three of us really met for the first time at the skate rink on that PTO night, so it didn’t seem as lame then.”

“I remember that,” Fletch snorted. “You kept bragging about your Mortal Kombat skills.”

“I had just beaten the top three spots,” I replied, offended. “I was rather proud of myself. And it didn’t make me feel any better that you made fun of me for being a girl who played video games.”

“Yeah, well I was an obnoxious middle-schooler then,” Fletch shrugged.

“You’re obnoxious now,” I pointed out. Fletch laughed, not particularly the reaction I was going for, but then again, I didn’t really want to upset him while we were supposed to be celebrating his birthday.

“Speaking of me being obnoxious, I’m surprised that you aren’t all mopey over Will now that he’s clinging all over Shanna whats-her-face,” Fletch said.

“That was obnoxious of you to bring up and I wasn’t mopey until you said something,” I pouted. “And how do you not know her last name? You guys were bio lab partners last year…”

“Oh yeah. I guess that’s where I know her from,” Fletch shrugged.

“You were lab partners with her for a full school year and you don’t even remember her?” I snorted. Fletch gave me a shrug. I sighed. “Her last name is McGillis.”

“Huh,” Fletch nodded. “I guess we were paired up alphabetically or something…” I nodded and then it was time for Fletch to open up his presents.

Fletch seemed to like everything he had gotten, though he seemed slightly annoyed at Will’s joke calendar gift. I was glad he seemed to like my gifts, especially the photo album since I had worked so hard on it. Once Fletch’s gifts were all opened, people went back to their partying and skating around. Rather than continue to subject myself to Will flirting with random chicks, I offered to help Fletch go put his gifts in the back of his car so he could take them home at the end of the party. Once we had tossed everything in the trunk, Fletch shut and then we both leaned up against the back of the car.

“Thanks for helping with all of this,” Fletch said to me. “It’s been really great.”

“It was mainly Will’s idea actually,” I shrugged. “I just helped a little bit. He deserves most of the credit for it all.”

“Yeah, well you had the hard job of being the bait to lure me here,” Fletch shrugged. “And I didn’t exactly make it easy for you.”

“You never do,” I shrugged. Fletch laughed. “So, you liked your presents? And the cake?”

“I liked all of it,” Fletch nodded. “I’m used to having crappy birthdays, so this was nice.”

“No problem,” I smiled. “So, you get everything you want Birthday Boy?”

“Maybe I could get a birthday hug,” Fletch suggested, only partially kidding.

I decided to throw caution to the wind a little and reached out to hug Fletch. I hugged Will practically all the time and said it was because we were just friends and, since I was supposed to be friends with Fletch, I figured it couldn’t hurt to give him a brief squeeze as well. Until that brief squeeze turned into something much tighter and longer than I had expected. I didn’t even attempt to pull back until Fletch stepped slightly away from me. So suddenly I barely realized it was happening, he leaned forward and placed the lightest peck on my lips.

“Okay, now I think I’ve gotten everything I wanted for my birthday,” Fletch said.

“Good, because we’ve only got the rink for twenty more minutes before the roller derby leagues have practice and I really don’t think you could take those chicks,” I smirked. Fletch laughed and, after he lazily tossed an arm around my shoulders, we headed back into the rink.