Friends With Benefits

Shanna McGillis exited Will’s life as quickly as she had entered it. Following the Valentine’s Day dance, he hadn’t spoken to her once. She didn’t seem particularly interested in communicating with him either, though I occasionally caught her staring in his direction for a bit too long in the hallways at school. Will never explained why things between then had been so hot, heavy, and then suddenly over and I didn’t want to put myself through the torture of asking specifics. February slipped into March, when things were suddenly warm and everyone could only think about summer.

Everyone seemed to include my and Will’s parents, who announced to Will and I on the first of March they had signed up for a couples retreat and would be leaving the following weekend. That meant Will would have his house to himself and I would be on my own. At first, my mother was a little sketpcial about leaving me all by my lonesome, especially since Matt had a major group project and couldn’t make it home from college for the weekend. Will temporarily suggested I just hang out with him at the guest bedroom in his house, which I thought was a phenomenal idea. I could just imagine, Will and I sharing a house like adults, perhaps getting caught alone in some more heated situations. Then, as he was bound to do, Fletch stepped in and dashed my hopes.

“I could stay with Will,” Fletch offered. “Lenny could hang out with us during the day and we could keep a watch on the house over the night. That way, she’d be safe but you wouldn’t have to worry about her being alone with a couple of boys all night long.”

“Why, Fletcher, that’s a wonderful idea!” my mom smiled.

I frowned and was about to mention to her that I could easily get pregnant or into another similar situation if I was left alone with not one but two boys during the day. However, I thought that might get my dad thinking and would no doubt lead him to curb some of my current personal freedoms. Just so I could go out on a Friday night without getting put through the third degree, I kept my mouth shut. The Thursday before our parents left, Fletch and I were hanging out in Will’s room, planning what we were going to do over the course of the weekend. Our parents would be leaving Friday and not getting back until Sunday morning.

“We should go to the movies Friday,” I suggested.

“Everyone goes to the movies Friday, lameo,” Fletch snorted.

“It’s not lame if everyone does it,” I snorted.

“Yes it is,” Fletch shot back.

“Can you two quit bickering like an old married couple?” Will sighed, rubbing his temples. “Seriously, Fletch, what do you propose we do that would be just as good or better than going to the movies?”

“We could play checkers,” Fletch shrugged.

“Completely lame,” I snorted.

“Is not,” Fletch shot back.

“Is too,” I replied. “I always beat you and then you get huffy and throw a fit. That’s why we never play board games with you anymore.”

“I do not!” Fletch said.

“Dude, three months ago you hit me over the head with the Monopoly board because I bought Park Place,” Will shook his head. “You just don’t have the patience or temperament for board games.”

“You’re both lame,” Fletch grimaced. “Why can’t we play checkers Friday night and go to the movies Saturday night?”

“Because we’re having the party Saturday night,” Will replied.

“What party?” I asked.

“Ailee, it is my duty as a teenager to through a riotous, out of control party whenever my parents leave for the weekend. It’s a rite of passage,” Will said.

“You know those always end up badly. Come on, you’ve seen every movie made for teenagers since the seventies,” I rolled my eyes. “It’s completely stupid.”

“Well, we’re almost in college, so we only have a few years left to do things that are completely stupid,” Will reasoned. “Besides, you don’t have to come if you don’t want to…”

“Of course I have to come,” I said dramatically. “Who else is going to help hide you and Fletch when the cops get called?”

“That’s the spirit, Ailee,” Will grinned, giving me a huge side hug.

“Fine,” Fletch pouted. “Movie Friday, Will’s party Saturday, hangover Sunday.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Will nodded.

Of course, the one thing Will wouldn’t do half-assed is plan his party for Friday night. The following day at school, he invited people he didn’t even know and quite possibly a few teachers over. It was the first and probably only chance Will had to throw a rager before he was grounded for the rest of his life as a result and he was taking full advantage. The party was supposed to start at nine and I came over at eight-thirty to help set up. Will’s parents didn’t have any readily available alcohol on the premises, so Will was pinning his hope the other kids would bring some. When Luke Garretson and Larry arrived with two kegs in tow at eight forty-five, I knew things were going to get out of hand.

And they quickly did. Will disappeared as soon as the keg arrived and I spent the next thirty minutes trying to find him. There were about a hundred people in the Swain living room alone and I was certain they were roasting a pig on a spit in the front yard. I sighed as I maneuvered through the house, I found a game of beer pong in the den, couples making out in bathrooms and bedrooms, and what appeared to be a wrestling match in the hallway, but no sight of Will. Finally, I gave up and returned to the kitchen.

Once there, I found Fletch sitting on the counter, swinging his legs back and forth, eating the brownies Will’s mom had left and drinking a beer. I glared at him momentarily, feeling as though his egging Will on had been all part of this. Fletch had spent the morning telling Will to invite more people and crowing about how this was going to be the biggest house party in the county. Though he told me, I was sure Fletch would never admit to Will he was only taking part since it wouldn’t be his house that would have to be cleaned up in the three hours before our parents got home. Defeated, I jumped up on the counter, cracked open a beer, and began eating one of the brownies off the plate now situated between Fletch and myself.

“You find Will?” he asked curiously.

“No, but he’s probably off having an orgy with a whole harem of girls somewhere,” I sighed, depressed.

“Yeah, that’s Will for you,” Fletch agreed.

“You know, I think I should just give up,” I sighed.

“Give up what?” Fletch asked before smearing another brownie into his mouth.

“I should give up ever thinking Will could ever be interested in me,” I sighed. “He’s never going to notice me. He’s never going to think of me as anything more than just Ailee. I’m never going to be special to him and I need to stop deceiving myself. I mean, honestly, what to I even bring to the table? Nothing. I’m not incredibly gorgeous, I don’t have big boobs or killer legs or anything like that. I’m not hilariously funny, I’m not at the top of the class, and I’m not super athletic. I have nothing that sets me apart from the other girls. I’m not special. I’m not anything. I’m just another plain Jane girl whose basically wallpaper. I’m just Ailee.”

“Don’t talk like that, Lenny,” Fletch shook his head.

“It’s true,” I pouted. “If I was worth something, someone would have noticed me by now, even if it wasn’t Will. I’m going to be alone the rest of my life because I’m the lamest person in the world. I should just buy myself twenty cats and hole myself up in my room.”

“Lenny, you’re not worthless,” Fletch said. “You’re just… I don’t know… in a funk. Besides, just because Will doesn’t like you in a romantic doesn’t mean there aren’t other people out there who do or will. And it definitely doesn’t mean you’re going to be alone for the rest of your life.”

“I’ve heard this from Will already,” I snorted. “Ailee, you just intimidate people. The guys who like you are probably shy. They’re probably non-existent, that’s more like it.”

“Are you fishing for compliments or something?” Fletch asked, confused.

“What do you mean?” I grimaced.

“Going on about how you aren’t pretty or talented or anything,” Fletch said. “You’re one of the smartest people in school, even if you aren’t the best at math. You kick butt in history and in science. And you won the sophomore award for your English essay last year. And maybe you don’t look like a Playboy model or something, but you don’t look like your face got smashed in my a Mac truck either. And it’s a good thing you aren’t some super skinny anorexic bitch. And who cares if you’re an athlete? I spent my entire freshman year cowering in the corner of the gym to avoid dodge balls and I don’t think any less of myself for it.”

“I don’t know,” I sighed. “I think it’s all those fairy tales my parents used to read me. I’ve always sort of thought of myself as an ugly duckling and that one day I would magically wake up and be beautiful. But it’s not going to happen.”

“Either you’re becoming a sad drunk or you need something to cheer you up,” Fletch informed me.

“I can’t help it,” I sighed. “I mean, come on, how would you feel if all of a sudden you realized how completely unattractive and worthless you are?”

“Lenny, just because you don’t have a boyfriend doesn’t make you worthless and unattractive,” Fletch pointed out.

“I’m going to be seventeen and I’ve never had a boyfriend,” I shot back. “Don’t you think there’s something a little odd with that?”

“I’m already seventeen and I’ve never had a girlfriend,” Fletch shrugged. “I mean, yeah, it bugs me sometimes, but why should I pin all of my hopes and dreams on it?”

“It’s easier for you,” I replied.

“How so?” Fletch asked.

“Guys aren’t as emotional as girls,” I shrugged. “Besides, boys have it easier. If you ask out a girl and she says no, you just shrug it off and ask out her friends.”

“That’s not how it works, despite of the bad example your brother and Will have set for you,” Fletch pointed out. “Besides, it’s not like you are completely incapable of asking someone out.”

“I’ve always been holding out for Will,” I shrugged. “I guess that’s why I never asked anyone out. Is that why you never asked anyone else out? Because of Ivy?”

“Sort of,” Fletch admitted. “And because I knew I’d get shot down.”

“You knew it?” I snorted.

“Come on, Lenny. I’m a big nerd,” Fletch shrugged. “I’ve never been on a date before. I play World of Warcraft more than is possibly healthy for a single person, and I have a giant nose and even bigger glasses.”

“Your nose isn’t big,,” I replied.

“I was told that once by some girl I had a crush on in fourth grade,” Fletch admitted. “Besides, no one wants a nerdy boyfriend. Girls want someone cool. Someone who has lots of muscles and drives a fast car. A guy who looks like an underwear model. They want the captain of the football team. They don’t want the vice president of the chess club.”

“Now who’s kidding themselves,” I snorted. “Come on Fletch. Nerd boyfriends are all the rage. Look at Michael Cera and the guy who played McLovin.”

“I’m not a movie nerd. I’m a real life nerd,” Fletch replied. “That’s different.”

“No it’s not,” I snorted.

“Whatever,” Fletch sighed. He sipped the rest of his bottle and looked at me. “I’m out. You wanna get something else to drink?”

“What else is there?” I asked.

“Will’s popular friends brought a boatload of various beverages with which we can induce ourselves into an alcoholic stupor,” Fletch replied. “Personally, I’ve never had tequila before so I wonder if it’s as rough as it sounds.”

“Well, I was planning on using my liver for the rest of my life,” I frowned.

“Come on, Lenny. Just one shot with me?” Fletch begged.

“Fine,” I said. “But just one. I don’t want us to do anything we might regret.”