Instincts

My twin sister, Jamais (pronounced ˌzhȧ-ˌme-), and I turned eighteen a few months ago and we are currently sharing an apartment because we attend the same college and the dorms were full. We used to look identical but over the years we began developing our own styles and group of friends. Now we are practically opposites. Jamais is the bleach blond Barbie who wears too much make-up, whereas I am the one who believes in natural beauty, wears no make-up and doesn’t dye her hair.

As the years have gone by so has my appearance. My hair darkening to reddish brown from the platinum blond it was when I was little. My eyes lightened and green flecks appeared. My body stayed slim but filled out in all the right places. Overall I grew up. Jamais on the other hand is still playing dress up. She wears clothes that are too small for her, has a spray on tan, contacts and acrylic nails, the whole shebang.

We were currently on our way to some new club in town. This was one of the rare occasions I actually agreed to do anything with her because she just wouldn’t stop bugging me, saying I have no life and such, I am probably only going to dance a little and then just sit in the corner anyway. Once the cab stopped and we paid the fair I headed toward the long line but of course my sister grabs my arm and pulls me straight to the front. The bouncer lets us through after she gives her name, and I give her an incredulous look. As we enter lights blind me and the music blasts my ear drums, it smells like sweat and alcohol, why anyone found this environment enjoyable was beyond me.

Jamais rushed off to the dance floor leaving me all by myself. So I made my way over to the bar to get myself a virgin Strawberry Daiquiri since I’m underage and don’t really care for getting drunk. My sister on the other hand would probably find someone to buy her a Long Island Iced Tea or something packed with alcohol.

I was just sitting there being bored like I predicted when a song I knew came on and I headed over to the dance floor to sway along to its beat. While I was moving my hips someone had come up behind me and placed their hands on my waist. I would allow that but not too much else. As the song progressed I began to relax some and leaned my back against their broad chest. I could feel his chest vibrate with his chuckling.

“Getting comfortable are we.” The person behind me said next to my ear. Their voice was familiar but I couldn’t tell from where, possibly one of my sister’s many conquests.

“If you’re looking for my sister, she’s over there.” I said snidely, pointing to her sitting at the bar with a guy practically drooling at her feet.

“Why would I want someone like her when you’re right here.” He said next to my ear again. I tried to turn around so that I could see who it was or at least what they looked like but he kept a firm grip on my waist preventing me from twisting around.

“Who are you?” I said getting a little freaked out.

“Someone you met long ago.” He replied in a regretful voice.

“What’s your name?” I questioned next.

“You wouldn’t remember it even if I told you, for we were never introduced properly to begin with.”

“Then maybe you should introduce yourself properly now.” I suggested in a put-off tone. He simply loosened his grip on my waist, permitting me to turn and face him, which I did. I came face to face with a muscular chest so I had to tilt my head up in order to see his face. His mysterious grey eyes made me freeze completely and the air to rush out of my lungs.

“Hello Déjà.”

I furrowed my eyebrows trying to place where I had seen him before, “You look so familiar, yet I can’t seem to figure out why.” I say confused and staring at him longer than what is probably considered polite.

“Give it a second. But while you’re thinking about it why don’t you dance with me?”

I nodded my head but it probably wouldn’t’ve mattered because he was already reaching for my hand. He gently grabbed it and placed it on his shoulder and before he could take it away I locked my fingers around it. Big, strong hands... I remember hands like these from when I was little, they were like my father’s but different... warmer, gentle, special... to me.

I closed my eyes and leaned my forehead against his hard chest... trying to drown out all of the noise and smells and flashing lights and just concentrate on him. I let him lead the dance while I breathed through my nose, taking in his scent, trying to figure out why he was so familiar to me. Why I felt like I could trust this man when so many others had hurt me, why I felt comfortable with him, why in my heart I felt like I could depend on him. Depend on him to do what though?

Through my thinking process he just swayed us to the music setting a soothing rhythm that seemed to want to put me to sleep... and then it clicked. When I was really young, about two, he showed up at my old house... he was hurt and stayed the night... I had had a nightmare that night and went to my parents room, knowing he would be there and not my parents. That night so long ago I had depended on him to keep me safe from the scary parts of my imagination... and for that night he had... but as abruptly as he had come he had left...

“Is it really you?” I gasped out and reached up to his face to make sure he was real.

“I made a pinky promise, did I not?” He said giving me a smirk. He was exactly the same as when I first saw him; he hadn’t aged one bit.

“How, why…y-you?” I had so many thoughts going through my mind and they all seemed to want to come out at the same time. I was starting to feel dizzy with all these revelations. “I think I need some fresh air.” I said clutching my head. He looked at me worried and nodded before placing a hand on my back and leading me out the exit. I went to sit on the curb but he led me to a cab instead.

“Let’s go to my place for a little more privacy, okay?” I simply nodded my head and stepped into the cab. I kept my head down the whole time because I knew if I looked at him I wouldn’t be able to look away.

His place wasn’t too far away and the cab stopped only minutes later. The guy got out first and held the door open for me, placing his hand out. I grabbed it hesitantly and he helped me out of the cab. He then proceeded to escort me through the hotel lobby and up to his room where he placed me in front of a couch. I sat down and he sat next to me. We were quiet for a while when he decided to break the silence.

“Why won’t you look at me?” He asked placing his large hand on my cheek. I lifted my head and looked at him like he wanted me to.

“Because staring is rude and embarrassing.” I said harshly, glaring at him.

“Well then, we can be rude and embarrassed together.” He replied with a smile. With the way he always had the right answers and smiled, it was hard to stay upset around him.

He took his hand away from my face to give me some space “I know you must have some questions for me and I can tell you now that some of those answers are going to be hard for you to cope with...you’re in for a long night. So on that note what’s your first question?”

“What’s your name?” I whispered staring into his grey eyes.

“Kieran.” He whispered staring right back into my eyes.

“It’s nice to finally meet you properly Kieran. I’m Déjà Elizabeth Ryans.” He simply gave a courteous nod so I went on with my interrogation. “Why do you look the same as you did sixteen years ago?”

“You must have a very good memory to remember my appearance all that time ago.” When he said that I blushed considering that back then he was nude from an attack or possibly something else. “As you can see I don’t age at the same rate as you do. I am not human and my kind’s physical appearance changes at a slower rate than yours does.” He explained in a cryptic way trying to hide something or just postponing it, but I wouldn’t let that slip by.

“What do you mean by ‘your kind’?” He smirked at my question.

“Still as bold now as you were back then, I see… Well my kind is known as many things; loupe guru, shifters, lycans, but you would probably know us as werewolves.” He studied me closely but I made sure my expression was carefully controlled.

I had been expecting something like this. Since the Twilight books came out there has been a fantasy craze with vampires and werewolves. Other people have been coming up with their own stories and movies to explain the aggressive, mythical creatures, but now I had someone right next to me telling me he was one, and I believed him.

“Are you okay? You’re not going into shock or going to faint, are you?” He said looking slightly concerned and perplexed at my reaction.

I flashed a quick smile before saying, “No I’m not going to faint or anything. I was actually expecting something like this. It explains the lacerations you had when my father brought you into the house, why you healed so fast, your appearance and why you obviously don’t mind nudity. But I still don’t understand why you left and never showed yourself to me until now.” I got more serious as I explained my reaction to his answer.

“The night that your father found me was the night that I had won a competition that we call
The Ordeal. It is basically a big fight among the males of each pack to see who will become the…king, you could say, of my kind we call it the Supreme Alpha though. I had to return to my land and claim my position, that is why I had to leave.”

“Why didn’t you bring me with you or visit?” After those words came out of my mouth I wished to put them right back in; they expressed just how much I had obsessed about him—enough to have gone with him voluntarily.

Kieran stretched out his hand and cupped my cheek once more. “Young Déjà, in my world humans aren’t widely accepted. If I had brought you with me you would have been looked down upon and harassed. I didn’t want to expose you to that at such an infantile age.” I looked him in the eye to see if I could find a lie there but all I saw was sincerity and that comforted me. I nodded my head to show I understood and accepted his reply. “Anymore questions?” He asked while rubbing his thumb against my cheek now.

“You said that you won… The Ordeal? Does that make you the…Super Alpha?” I asked not quite sure of what he had said before.

He chuckled before replying, “Yes I won The Ordeal and became Supreme Alpha.” He was smirking at me now.

“So then why couldn’t you just tell the others of your kind to leave me alone if you had decided to bring me back with you?”

“You have to understand Déjà, just because I won The Ordeal doesn’t mean everyone automatically acknowledges me as the over lord. I had to gain their trust first and make a reputation for myself, which is what I have been doing these past sixteen years, and now that you are not so naive I can take you back with me without having to worry about you getting hurt so easily. ”

“So easily…” I whispered myself.

“Yes, so easily.” He whispered right back leaning in closer to me.

“Does that mean you will be taking me with you this time?”

“Yes” he responded bluntly. It was silent after that as my mind processed the new revelation, but then the silence started to bother me and I asked more questions to lighten the mood.

“So…how does the whole werewolf thing work then? Do you need a full moon to change? Does silver hurt you?”

He chuckled at my juvenile curiosity “No silver doesn’t hurt us but bullets hurt everyone. We can change whenever we want to especially if we feel threatened. During the full moon we simply get a little more…enthusiastic and usually wind up changing and such. Phasing is impossible if we become too weak and so is regeneration. Which is why your father found me in human form outside your house with so many wounds. I had been fighting for over three months without a proper meal or a restful night’s sleep. The Ordeal is no laughing matter.” At the end of his explanation he seemed to be in a far off place reliving the hardships that were caused by The Ordeal.

“What about imprints or soul mates?” I mumbled half hoping he didn’t hear that question.

That question seemed to bring him back to the present and he asked, “What about them?”

“Is that presumption right or simply fantasy?”

“What do you think they are?”

“I think there’s a special person out there for everyone and I do think there is such thing as love-at-first-sight because I believe I’ve experienced it.” Kieran’s eyes seemed to darken at this reflection. He withdrew his hand from my face and clenched it in a fist.

“Really now?” He seemed to have a dark curiosity about him.

“Yah, it was someone I met when I was two.” I said placing my hand over his clenched fist. I felt like I was revealing more of myself to him in this conversation than he had to me. He seemed to have been relieved at my response and his fist unclenched under my hand.
“What about you?” I asked while playing with his fingers.

“My kind have the same conviction but some of them get tired of waiting and choose a mate too early. You see we werewolves believe in fate and destiny more than you humans and we think that everything happens for a reason. Each decision you make, fate or destiny has a blessing or consequence to go along with it, and those who are too eager and mate early on have consequences.”

“Do you have a mate?” I asked dropping his hand and looking at my lap; afraid of the answer.

“No” he simply said and placed his hand back in mine.

“You said earlier that your kind ages differently than mine, so how old are you?”

“Two hundred and thirty-seven.” He said in a low voice so as not to alarm me but he did anyways. My head shot up and looked straight into his mysterious, grey eyes. “Humans age about ten time faster than werewolves do so I probably look about twenty-three or twenty-four.” His responses kept throwing my mind for a whirl and I was starting to get a headache from all the stress of what was happening so fast. So many new epiphanies thrown at me, everything was finally catching up to me now. “I think you should get some rest now it’s late and you should give all this information time to sink in better.”

Now that he had mentioned it I realized that it was two in the morning and we had been talking for hours, though it only felt like maybe one. I yawned and nodded my head in compliance. I got up and walked towards the door.

“Where are you going?” Kieran asked with the most serious face I had ever seen on him.

“Um…home?” I asked not sure why he was giving me such an expression. He shook his head and motioned me over with his finger. I hesitantly made my way in front of him. Kieran wrapped his arms around my waist and brought me closer.

“It’s late and I don’t want you out there alone. I would like it better if you stayed here.”

“My sister will worry if I don’t come home though.”

“I doubt your sister will return home at all, either.” He got me there and even if she had returned home she would be too drunk to remember if I was there or not. Plus I had an extra pair of clothes in my purse because sometimes I don’t have enough money to pay for a cab and I don’t like walking home in high heels and a mini skirt.

“Okay, I’ll stay.” I mumbled looking down.

“You can take the bed, I’ll get the couch.” Kieran said hugging me tightly before releasing me.

“I can take the couch. I don’t want to impose on you.”

“Déjà I’m a werewolf I sleep on the ground a lot without a sleeping bag. The couch is more than adequate for me.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive. Now go bathe while I try to find some clothes for you sleep in.” That comment made me blush slightly; I would be wearing his clothes!

I walked away from him and into the bathroom. Peeling off my tight clothes I hopped in the shower letting the warm water wash over me and relax my muscles. Before long I heard a knock on the door and then in walked Kieran and I was hyper aware that there was only a shower curtain preventing him from seeing me naked, even if he was okay with nudity I wasn’t.

“I’ll leave the clothes on the counter.” He said.

“Okay.” I squeaked out before he left me. I hurriedly finished my shower and put on the clothes he brought me, of course they were five sizes too big but they were comfy and smelled just like him. I walked out of the bathroom and back into the living area where he was.

“Um… well I guess I’ll be going to bed now.” I said awkwardly before heading into the bedroom. Crawling into the bed I pulled the covers over myself and closed my eyes. I was almost asleep when I heard the door open and light leaked into the room. I ignored it thinking Kieran had forgotten something but then I felt his warm hand stroking my cheek. Cracking my eyes open I looked at him.

“Aren’t you going to sleep now?” I asked not sure why he was here.

“Yes little one.”

“Still calling me that I see.”

“To me you are little.” He said, a smirk playing along his lips.

“Well since you’re here, do I get a good-night hug?” I spread my arms in an invitation. He smiled and wrapped his warm, bare arms around my slight frame as I folded mine around his neck. “Good-night Kieran.” I mumbled sleepily.

“Good-night Déjà.” He said pulling away slightly to place a gentle kiss on my forehead. I let him go and he laid me back down on the bed and left the room, closing the door behind himself. The last thought I had was, ‘Well that was a déjà vu moment.