Almost Easy

After finding my drunken brother, Jimmy, Val and I all hopped in a cab heading to the hospital. I listened to Matt rant about how our father had finally killed our mother and he would be the one to put the old 'fucker' in his grave.

'Give it up Matt...You need to sober up and not make a scene in this hospital or in front of my infant son' I scolded as we stepped out of the cab, Jimmy handing the driver a twenty as he did so

'Don’t defend him Kyler!' Matt spat as we entered the fresh smelling hospital, the brightness hurt my eyes; they started to water as I winced against it. Val grabbed Matt's hand with one of her own, placing the other on his bicep whispering for him to calm down.

'Fuck off Matthew. This isn’t about you' I growled right back turning to send him a glare, only to have him shove me back against one of the walls, his hand finding my neck and his own eyes filled with so much hate I almost found it transferring into my body 'Is it hand to handle big brother? That just once, something isn’t about you?'

I knew out of anyone Matt was the last person to make everything about him, but at this point in time I was just looking to fuel his fire. No matter how old siblings’ get the thought of stirring the other up does not get less appealing. I could see Jimmy out of the corner of my eye watching carefully, he knew I didn’t like him to interfere unless it was for my better health, everyone knows Matthew has a problem with his anger, but we had been in this situation many times throughout the years.

'You're such a little fucking bitch. You're your fathers daughter aren’t you? Don't care about your own mother, filthy little animal ' He clenched my neck tightly and I coughed and spluttered for air, digging my nails into his arms as I tried to drag them away from my windpipe.

'Shads! Enough' Jimmy stated firmly 'you need to calm down dude, we're in a hospital and you're about to put your own sister in it...you're drunk and letting your anger get the better of you. Val's gone to get you a coffee go sit down’

I watched carefully as Matt tried to compose himself, he sighed and removed his hand before stalking off to sit in one of the waiting room chairs. I turned to Jimmy and just looked at him for a moment, he sobered up quickly and I was proud of him, before walking to the front desk and asking the old lady behind it for the room my mother is in with Jimmy following close behind.

They told me she was in intensive care in room 80. So I walked off with Jimmy following slowly behind, I couldn’t bring myself to talk to Matt yet his last comment had been lower than low. How can he claim I'm my father’s daughter when he was drunk with his hand around my throat?

Looking in the window on the door I spotted my mother laid out on the hospital bed looking pale and worse than ever, my dad sat next to her and next to a stroller which I am assuming held my baby.

'Did you want me to stay or take baby and go?' Jimmy turned me by my waist looking me in the eye with the type of sincerity that reassured me he was the love of my life. I could feel myself getting emotional. Stupid feelings.

'Stay' I muttered burying my face into his shirt, inhaling his scent deep into my lungs as he rubbed his hand up and down my back.

I turned and opened the door watching as my father turned to face me, in his features you could see Matt and myself and it made me sick, I hated this man with my whole being. He looked at me with disgust 'Where’s the other idiot?'

'Can you try not to be a cunt? Just this one time, whilst my mother and your wife lay’s on her death bed?' I sneered walking to the stroller and taking my sleeping baby boy into my arms, he stirred a little but remained asleep, I lent in kissing his nose before I looked once again at my father and his stupid face 'Now is she responsive?'

'Just. She wanted to wait for you two brats before we could turn it all off, and let her go' It seemed like it just hit him, he just stopped for a moment, inhaling and exhaling watching my mother’s chest rise and fall 'We weren’t supposed to live like this me and her, we were destined for something more'

'Yeah well, you made sure that didn’t happen didn’t you? you bandy old bastar-' Jimmy placed his hand over my mouth before sitting on one of the chairs, pulling me down on to his lap, whispering a quick 'stop it' in my ear.

It was silent as we waited for Matthew, I knew I needed to go and try to make peace with him but he was being a jerk and should try to make peace with me too. As if he knew my thoughts Jimmy pinched my thigh and pushed me up, taking the baby from my arms 'Go'.

Turning to grimace at him, I was about to retort when he gave me a look that scared me down to my bone and I quickly rushed out of the room.

--

'She’s gone' I muttered silently sitting on the driveway out the front of our childhood house, staring at the road blankly 'She’s really gone'

'It only seems right to be sat here right now' Matt spoke so softly it was hard to believe it was even my brother speaking 'All the years we spent sitting here, this driveway is like our haven huh?'

I nodded. I didn’t know how to deal with all the knots piling up in my stomach, the way my chest ached in a way I'd never experienced. The sun was starting to rise in the distance and I shuddered as I realized just how cold it was, my eyes started to water as I breathed in deeply and out shakily, turning to look at the one person who never failed to be my rock, he was crying.

Moving closer to him I wrapped my arms as best I could around his shoulders 'I love you big brother, I know mom did too. She was always so proud of you'

He sobbed quietly and I rubbed his back gently not sure how to console the one person in my life who had never needed it.