Carolyn
Carolyn
I've never felt more alone in the world. Sure I have my band mates and friends but I still feel alone, like no one loves me or even cares. The screams of the fans do nothing to make me feel truly loved" I read the page out of the little black diary Andy keep up in his bunk.
THOSE TIMES IN LIFE WE LEARN TO TRY, WITH ONE INTENTION
I hated to see him so upset. He didn't know how many times I laid awake at night listening to his muffled cries from the bunk above. Jinxx, CC, and Jake all tuned him out with ear phones or just didn't pay any mind to it. No one could blame Andy for being UNDER dramatic. Yet, still I knew that these cries weren't for cheap attention they were real.
OF LEARNING HOW AND WHEN WE'LL DIE, BUT WE CAN'T LISTEN
I have those feelings too, homesick. We all do. Sure on tour it's tough you miss your friends and family, and your own bed. But hey, it's the rock star life. I could tell the smile he wore everyday was fake. It only takes one false smile to hide a million tears. Jake, Jinxx, and CC had gone off to dinner with Jinxx's girlfriend Sammi, and CC's Britney. I had chosen to stay back and relax. As did Andy.
I WISH TO GOD I'D KNOWN THAT I, I DIDN'T STAND A CHANCE
I wanted to make him feel loved. For a long time now I've felt this way about him. I know right. Me? Ashley Purdy? But yeah, I've fallen hard for this boy, harder then I've ever fallen before. I just don't want to ruin our friendship. I know that Andy has only ever had one other person in his life that he loved besides his mom and dad.
I'd read about him in his diary. It angered me that this guy still held such a big part of his heart. The guy's name was Matt Good. Who we toured with before. He had hurt Andy. He'd cheated on him, and told him he never loved him. He moved on, Andy didn't. A few months ago news broke that he was engaged. That killed him.
OF LOOKING BACK AND KNOWING WHY, OR PAIN OF CIRCUMSTANCE
I put the book back under his pillow where I'd found it and jumped down from his bunk to mine. The familiar click of his boots echoed off the bus's walls. I closed the curtains and watched his shadow retreat to the small couch next to the TV.
I could hear his soft cries. As he tried to pull himself together. I couldn't bear this any longer. I opened up the curtains and walked over near him. He wiped the tears from his cheeks and covered his face.
YOU'RE NOT ALONE
"Andy"
"Leave me alone" I hesitated at first, not knowing whether to just take his warning and leave or push him farther.
"I'm not going to leave you here crying"
WE'LL BRAVE THIS STORM
It's a lost cause, this I know. Yet, I can't stop wanting to make his smile again. I rubbed calming circles on his back. He didn't reject. Sitting down next to him I leaned against him. For some reason he broke down again, sobbing.
"Come here" I said opening my arms.
"Oh, Ashley" I stroked his hair as he cried into my chest.
"I know"
SO HERE'S MY SONG I WROTE IN TIME, WHEN IT WAS NEEDED
"Andy why are you so upset?"
"Because, I miss my family, and home, Ashley no love me"
"You know that's not true, everyone on this bus and all of your fans love you"
"Yeah, but not that way" my heart fluttered at these words. Oh, how little you know sweets.
"You don't know that"
"Yeah right, CC's got a girl so does Jinxx, and Jake's not gay, and you either"
"You don't know that"
"What?"
"You don't know that"
"What are you t-talking about?"
"Andy you have no idea, and I'm tired of hiding it from you"
THROUGH THE PAIN OF OUR HEART OR LOSS OF MIND YOUR BURDENS LIFTED
"You are the most beautiful and kindest person I've ever meet, and I-I"
"You what?" He asked looking at me with those beautiful blue eyes that made my knees go weak.
"That, I l-love you" he stared at my confused.
YOU AREN'T ALONE JUST KNOW THAT I, CAN'T SAVE OUR HEARTS TONIGHT
"You, love me?"
"Yes, more then you could ever know" With a shaking hand I pushed a lock of his silky black hair out of his face and behind his ear. I could feel his breath on my lips and slowly we grew closer. Until our lips met. They were so soft, and felt just like they did in my dreams.
YOU'RE NOT ALONE
I bit at his lower lip and put my hands on his hips. Savoring ever moment.
When the kiss finally broke, he looked at me and smile. A real smile.
"Ashley, I have something to tell you"
WE'LL BRAVE THIS STORM
"What is it my love?"
"I love you too"
AND FACE TODAY
"You don't know how happy I am to here you say that"
"And, I promise to love you and hold your hand, and take away the pain" his smiled widened, and his eyes lite up. His perfectly white teeth (despite his years of smoking) rested softly on his pale pink lips.
YOU'RE NOT ALONE
"I promise, you'll never be alone again"
THOSE TIMES IN LIFE WE LEARN TO TRY, WITH ONE INTENTION
I hated to see him so upset. He didn't know how many times I laid awake at night listening to his muffled cries from the bunk above. Jinxx, CC, and Jake all tuned him out with ear phones or just didn't pay any mind to it. No one could blame Andy for being UNDER dramatic. Yet, still I knew that these cries weren't for cheap attention they were real.
OF LEARNING HOW AND WHEN WE'LL DIE, BUT WE CAN'T LISTEN
I have those feelings too, homesick. We all do. Sure on tour it's tough you miss your friends and family, and your own bed. But hey, it's the rock star life. I could tell the smile he wore everyday was fake. It only takes one false smile to hide a million tears. Jake, Jinxx, and CC had gone off to dinner with Jinxx's girlfriend Sammi, and CC's Britney. I had chosen to stay back and relax. As did Andy.
I WISH TO GOD I'D KNOWN THAT I, I DIDN'T STAND A CHANCE
I wanted to make him feel loved. For a long time now I've felt this way about him. I know right. Me? Ashley Purdy? But yeah, I've fallen hard for this boy, harder then I've ever fallen before. I just don't want to ruin our friendship. I know that Andy has only ever had one other person in his life that he loved besides his mom and dad.
I'd read about him in his diary. It angered me that this guy still held such a big part of his heart. The guy's name was Matt Good. Who we toured with before. He had hurt Andy. He'd cheated on him, and told him he never loved him. He moved on, Andy didn't. A few months ago news broke that he was engaged. That killed him.
OF LOOKING BACK AND KNOWING WHY, OR PAIN OF CIRCUMSTANCE
I put the book back under his pillow where I'd found it and jumped down from his bunk to mine. The familiar click of his boots echoed off the bus's walls. I closed the curtains and watched his shadow retreat to the small couch next to the TV.
I could hear his soft cries. As he tried to pull himself together. I couldn't bear this any longer. I opened up the curtains and walked over near him. He wiped the tears from his cheeks and covered his face.
YOU'RE NOT ALONE
"Andy"
"Leave me alone" I hesitated at first, not knowing whether to just take his warning and leave or push him farther.
"I'm not going to leave you here crying"
WE'LL BRAVE THIS STORM
It's a lost cause, this I know. Yet, I can't stop wanting to make his smile again. I rubbed calming circles on his back. He didn't reject. Sitting down next to him I leaned against him. For some reason he broke down again, sobbing.
"Come here" I said opening my arms.
"Oh, Ashley" I stroked his hair as he cried into my chest.
"I know"
SO HERE'S MY SONG I WROTE IN TIME, WHEN IT WAS NEEDED
"Andy why are you so upset?"
"Because, I miss my family, and home, Ashley no love me"
"You know that's not true, everyone on this bus and all of your fans love you"
"Yeah, but not that way" my heart fluttered at these words. Oh, how little you know sweets.
"You don't know that"
"Yeah right, CC's got a girl so does Jinxx, and Jake's not gay, and you either"
"You don't know that"
"What?"
"You don't know that"
"What are you t-talking about?"
"Andy you have no idea, and I'm tired of hiding it from you"
THROUGH THE PAIN OF OUR HEART OR LOSS OF MIND YOUR BURDENS LIFTED
"You are the most beautiful and kindest person I've ever meet, and I-I"
"You what?" He asked looking at me with those beautiful blue eyes that made my knees go weak.
"That, I l-love you" he stared at my confused.
YOU AREN'T ALONE JUST KNOW THAT I, CAN'T SAVE OUR HEARTS TONIGHT
"You, love me?"
"Yes, more then you could ever know" With a shaking hand I pushed a lock of his silky black hair out of his face and behind his ear. I could feel his breath on my lips and slowly we grew closer. Until our lips met. They were so soft, and felt just like they did in my dreams.
YOU'RE NOT ALONE
I bit at his lower lip and put my hands on his hips. Savoring ever moment.
When the kiss finally broke, he looked at me and smile. A real smile.
"Ashley, I have something to tell you"
WE'LL BRAVE THIS STORM
"What is it my love?"
"I love you too"
AND FACE TODAY
"You don't know how happy I am to here you say that"
"And, I promise to love you and hold your hand, and take away the pain" his smiled widened, and his eyes lite up. His perfectly white teeth (despite his years of smoking) rested softly on his pale pink lips.
YOU'RE NOT ALONE
"I promise, you'll never be alone again"