She Speaks in Silence

"Leave me alone!" I yelled to the man chasing me down the dark street under broken lights. "Help! Somebody help!" I continued screaming, looking behind me every so often. Their laughter filled my ears, causing my eyes to swell. I was running as fast as I could and they were only walking, yet they were the ones getting closer and I wasn't getting anywhere.

When I finally pushed forward, getting my body to move the slightest bit, I was knocked down by one of the man standing directly in front of me. I knew who he was, always stalking around the neighborhood and staring at Johnny and I. "You have the wrong person!" I screamed and struggled under their hold, being pinned against the cold, wet concrete road. "Let me go! Please, please let me go!" I begged, turning my head every way and fighting to break free of his painfully strong hold.

"Stop struggling you dirty whore!" He spat, putting more pressure on my wrists and causing me to whimper. "I know who I was looking for and I fucking found her! You think you're dreaming, that maybe this is just a nightmare but I'm more alive than I've ever been! Your stupid friend. . ." He released one of my hands but only for it to be grabbed again and held above my head. He had one free hand, roaming my body and sliding slowly beneath my shirt. "The bastard killed me. . . Right in the head. But baby. . ." He paused, laughing at all my screams and tears. "I'm back. . ."

I sat up quickly, gasping for air as I looked around the room. My head was now spinning as I fell back onto the pillow and groaned. "Rough night?" Johnny asked, his hand pushing back loose hairs on my forehead while he leaned over me. I could only nod. "Yeah. . . Nightmares suck. I had a weird dream too. You were in it, though. . . Do you wanna talk about it?" He threw some notebook he was writing in on the floor.

I shook my head, signaling a "no" but for some reason, I began speaking about it. "They were so cold. . ." I put my hands over my face and hid myself. "His hands. . . Cold like they were the first time he touched me. . . But I could feel it, like he was actually there and ready to hurt me again. Then he told me you killed him and that. . . He was back." I sat up and started feeling for my shirt, making sure it was in place and it really was just some crazy nightmare.

Johnny wrapped his arms around me in a comforting hug. "Don't be afraid. He's not really here, I killed him, remember? Directly in the head. There's no coming back from that." He tried calming.

"He killed me too, though. He stabbed me right in my chest but I still came back, from some kind of miracle, they said. Maybe he's still alive too, in some freaky way. I don't know, but he was so. . . So real! Just the way it felt when he chased me and knocked me down and pinned me to the ground. . . He mocked me and touched me and- and it was so real!"

He pulled away from me for a moment and stared directly at me. "Where did this 'nightmare' take place?" He asked, a look of some worry taking over his face.

I shook my head. "I don't know. . . I can't remember it clearly, just some broken down road really late at night. It was too dark to see where I actually was, but when I ran, I wasn't getting anywhere." I felt the tears gently coming to a stop. I sniffled and looked down at myself, remembering the bandages from last night. I touched my finger to them. "I think it was him who cut me in my nightmare, too. The one where I woke up screaming. I know it was just the window sill but in the actual nightmare, I think it was him."

He lightly touched his fingers to the bandages. "Does it still hurt?" He asked, quickly changing the subject. I shook my head.

"Not really, just a little sting. I've had worst. . . unfortunately." He still looked deep in thought. He hopped off the bed and walked over to the side I slept on, putting out his hand. I grabbed it and stood up.

"Come on, let's go back to your house so you can get on some clean clothes, then I'll take you out to breakfast." He proposed, leading me down to his front door and out to the car. "Do you think your mom is home, or does she work?"

"Both of my parents have to be at work by four in the morning. I'm guessing we're okay." He pulled up in front of the house and stopped the car. He was silently waiting. "I don't want to go alone. Will you come in with me?" I didn't even need to ask, knowing he had always said yes to everything. "Thanks." I smiled at him as we both exited the car and walked up to my front door. I pulled the key off of the top of the door frame and stuck it in the lock. Once I pushed the door open, we both walked into the house.

I walked straight through and into the kitchen, then turning into the long hallway where my room was, all the way at the end. Johnny was following closely behind me and stopped in the door frame while I continued to my closet. "I think today is a skinny jeans day." I said out loud, going through the hangers. I pulled out a pair of black skinny's and an All Time Low purple T-shirt. "Hmm, I wonder where I put my iPod and cellphone." I laughed after throwing my clothes onto the bed and searched around.

Some footsteps behind me caught my attention so I quickly turned around, ready to see Johnny's smiling face. He had both items in his hands. "Found em'." He chuckled, handing them to me.

"Thank you." I said, putting my hands on his chest and pushing him back towards the door. "Now stay out here while I get changed. And if I see an eye in the keyhole it's getting poked out." I warned, closing and locking the door while I began undressing and carefully slipped on my clean clothing. Once finished, I slipped my phone and my iPod into my pocket and grabbed a wire that hooked the iPod up to the car radio.

I opened the door and walked out of my bedroom. "Just let me brush my teeth and I'll be ready." I continued walking passed him and to the bathroom where I did the brushing, applied my makeup, etc. Once I placed everything back where it was, I turned towards the door and smiled at Johnny. "Minty fresh." I giggled.

He moved in close and caused my back to hit against the wall. "I think I'll be the judge of that." He joked. I pushed him off and laughed.

"Yeah right, Johnny." I walked right passed him and towards the front door, hearing his laughter. I trusted him to lock the house up while I hopped into the passenger side of the car and plugged in my iPod, blasting the song "Chelsea" by The Summer Set.

Once he was in the car, we were moving. "What was that book you were writing in this morning?" I let my curiosity get the better of me after turning the radio down. He froze for a moment before speaking. Was it bad?

"It's like a dream journal, I guess. I record a lot of the weird dreams and nightmares in there along with some of the things I've said to people. I'll share it with you once you figure out why it's important." He said, speaking but not giving me straight answers.

"What do you mean?" I asked, extremely confused.

He shook his head. "Now's not the time, Lilli." He pulled into a parking spot and turned off the car. He turned to face me and leaned in close. "But when you figure it out for yourself, you'll realize why I couldn't show you. You'll get it eventually, don't worry."

I shook my head, getting out of the car with a slight attitude. "You're so confusing." I said, irritated while he put his arm around my waist and continued walking towards the front of the small diner. We were seated at a simple table and handed menus by some waitress who seemed like she could care less about what she was doing. . . until she realized who Johnny and I were.

Nothing big ever happened in our small town so the incident from over eight years ago was still the topic of most peoples conversations. No matter where I was or what I was doing, I was always getting a few stares and whispers about who I was and what happened to me. "You're that chick from that break in a few years back!" She seemed interested now. "Damn, everybody still talks about that crazy ass shit. And you're that guy that was there! Are you two like, dating because if you're not, then we should totally hook up!"

I sighed and sat as far back as I could, suddenly loosing any appetite I once had. Johnny shook his head and stood up. "Come on, Lilli. I'll make us breakfast back at my place. We don't need to be gawked at and talked about all morning." The waitress was still wearing that big old smile.

"So does that mean you'll call me?" Her bubbly voice was so irritating. Johnny just looked at her before I stood up and walked away with him.

"God, what the hell is wrong with people? Do you want to go back to my house and hangout and eat breakfast or do you want me to take you home?" He gave me two options while opening my car door for me. Before I answered, he closed my door and got into the drivers seat, starting up the car.

"How bout you come with me to my house for a little while instead? My mother shouldn't be home until about seven or eight, and my dad gets home about that time but he's always drinking. . . I don't really want to be alone with them like that especially because my mother is so angry and my father isn't the best person when he's drunk. . . I'd like to have some company for a while." Johnny always knew exactly what I meant, even if he didn't know the full story behind it

"Sounds good to me. And why don't you do a little more explaining about this whole angry mother and drunk father thing when we get there. I don't think you've ever gone into detail about that. . . And then there's still some unfinished conversation from yesterday. Sound good?"

I nodded, knowing I could trust him and not be judged for anything that has happened or been done. I gazed out the window as we passed many different streets but narrowed my eyes at one familiar sight. A man coated in red, standing there smiling. He was mouthing something. . . Something that made me fearful. As we passed him on the road, I stared back and watched his body move with the cars, fast enough to keep up but slow enough to keep a distance. His bloody smile grew wider while my breathing began picking up. "Lilli!" I finally tuned into the voice, raising their volume while basically screaming my name. We were pulled to the side of the road.

I turned my attention to Johnny, holding my shoulders and focusing on my actions. "Are you alright?" I didn't answer. I turned my head back to where I saw the man, but my eyes caught nothing. I quickly turned back to Johnny. "What did you see?" His voice sounded worried as I looked back and forth between him and the place the man once stood.

"He's still cold. . . Cold because he's dead, but still alive." I whispered to myself, my eyes staying locked to where he once stood. "What's wrong with me, Johnny?" I turned my attention back to him.

"Nothing, you're afraid, that's all. Nightmares can do some messed up things to your mind. Relax, it's happened to me before too. It's nothing. Are you alright now?" He explained, trying to make everything okay.

I nodded. "Yes, we can go now. I'm sorry. . ." The car started up again and we were back on the road within seconds.

"Nothing to be sorry for." He responded, heading towards my house once more.

* * * * * * * * * * *

We walked through my front door and automatically headed for the food cabinet to grab some cereal. I jumped up onto my kitchen counter and started eating it dry from the box. Johnny just looked at me for a moment like I was insane before proceeding to overflow his bowl with milk. "Hows the dry cereal?" He mocked me, hiding it with a smile.

"It tastes better than your lips." I teased, making him do a dramatic gasp.

"You wanna test that?" He continued, pulling me from the counter and pinning me against the Island.

"I think I'll pass." I pushed him aside and grabbed a new box of cereal from the top shelf and began munching on it, dry again. He chuckled from behind me before going onto a less-happy topic.

"So what were you talking about in the car about an angry mother and drunk father? Obviously he's turned too alcohol to numb his pain and what not but is there more too it?" He asked, while I placed my cereal box on the counter and he lifted me up, placing me back into my seated position. I only nodded, stuffing more fruity pebbles into my mouth. I really wanted Lucky Charms but there wasn't any left. "Care to explain?"

I swallowed my food and began speaking. "Well, mom turns mean when I yell at her for bringing up the past and blaming my family, me, and you for the entire incident. She get's angry, screams back, sometimes calls me names and wakes up my drunk daddy. Daddy get's mad and a drunk daddy is a violent daddy. He's hit her multiple times and a few times he's gotten me, but only when he drinks and that's only the weekends. He doesn't remember anything the next morning when he's sober. It's kind of like a chain reaction starting back with me yelling. That's why I try not speaking to anybody instead of you. No one else understands."

He looked shocked. I could've sworn I've told him this before. "What do you do when he hits you?" He looked as if his jaw was going to fall to the ground.

"It depends on the case. Sometimes mom tells him the truth, he feels bad, then disappears for a week or two. Other times, like the most recent, I make up excuses saying I fell or something while in my room or in the bathroom. This time I slipped in the shower while shaving my legs and cut a huge cut on my leg because of it. He really threw a vase and it hit me in the leg, shattered, and cut me pretty bad. I always forgive him though because I know what he's going through. My mother on the other hand. . . I never forgive her completely."

He still looked shocked, but this time, his eyes widened. "Lilli, how long ago is 'recent'? I mean, please tell me it was a year ago or something and that it still isn't happening!"

"Hmm," I thought for a moment. "What day is it?" I asked, counting days in my head from when it last happened.

"Tuesday." He responded simply and plainly.

"One, two, three, four- four days ago? or was it three. . . Well, I'm pretty sure it was Friday. It's not a big deal, though. It's not like it's the first time it's happened."

"It is a big deal! How bad are you hurt!" He was freaking out for no reason.

"It's only a few cuts down my leg! Relax, Johnny. I'm fine, dammit. God, man, deep breaths, it's not like it killed me or anything." He grabbed my hands in his and spoke softly.

"Sorry. . ." He apologized. "You just kind of took me by surprise. I wasn't expecting that to be the case of the whole angry mom and drunk dad situation. Just, do me a favor. . . Next time it happens, call me so I can come and get you or something. You don't need to be getting hurt when it can be prevented."

I nodded once and continued staring off into space. "What are you looking at?" He asked, noticing my spacing out.

"That picture on the fridge." I laughed, jumping down and walking over to it. "It's us finger painting! Oh my god, there's even a tray of cookies in the picture! Why didn't I notice this before! It's gotta be old." My mind flashed back to the moment. "That was the day before everything happened." I quickly remembered. "Do you think that counted as sex?" I was honestly extremely curious.

"Absolutely not! You didn't want it, it wasn't sex." He said, matter-of-factly. I turned around and faced him. he was closer than I thought.

"Why are you always so close whenever I turn around? You keep scaring me." I joked. His smile grew wider.

"Was I your first make out too?" Obviously he was getting lost in the whole first kiss situation again. But I had to admit, it was nice to get off topic sometimes and forget about the bad stuff.

"Nope. Ryan Robertson was. he beat you too it, sorry." He shook his head and looked down, smiling.

"I was better though, right?" I rolled my eyes.

"I don't know. . . I'd have to compare from memory but I'm not getting much from either of you." I laughed, straightening my back. He pressed his forehead to mine for a moment. "I'll hit you." I warned as he got his lips closer to mine.

"I'm a risk taker." He pressed his lips against mine softly at first, waiting for me to respond. Who was I kidding, of course I wanted to kiss him and of course I wasn't going to fight against it. He made me feel good about myself and he was always there for me. It's not like it was against the law. . . I am of legal age.

His hands slid down my sides slowly and grasped my hips, sending shivers down my spine while I let my hands roam in his hair. he kissed harder, causing me to fall into his trap even deeper than I had originally planned. His lips traveled down my neck when I had pulled back to breathe. He started making a trail with his nose, up and down before leaving tiny kisses and connecting his lips back to mine. It was only a matter of time before our tongues were fighting against each others for dominance.

I pulled away from him, feeling us getting carried away. I was breathing heavy and I was slightly light headed. "Whoa. . ." I mumbled. "Alright, you win."

He chuckled. "Sweetheart, I'm turning twenty four in two months. I'm experienced, so I already knew I was the winner." I laughed at his fake cockiness and slapped his chest.

I felt some of the skin on my neck was tender and gasped while laughing. "Oh my god!" I said through laughter, punching his arm playfully. "Oh my god, you gave a hickey! Oh, you better hope I have concealer or you're dead, Johnny!" He was laughing the entire time.

"Relax, you're eighteen. In fact, you're nineteen on the nineteenth of November, five months away. I think you're old enough to have a hickey on your neck. In fact-" He attached his lips to my neck again while I laughed and yelled.

"Johnny! You're not fucking funny!" I couldn't stop laughing. He pulled back and stared, eyes glowing and smile shining.

"Then why are you laughing?" He stumped me. "Well?"

"Fine you win!" I gave in, a slight giggle in my voice. I pecked his lips once lightly and quickly before pushing his arms away from me and walking over to the counter, grabbing his empty bowl and bringing it over to the sink. I dumped the milk down the drain and flipped on the warm water, rinsing the remains out of the bowl before scrubbing it with a sponge and soap. I wasn't giving my mother any satisfaction of knowing I came back home. Arms wrapped around my waist from behind.

"I know what you're doing, Lilli." Johnny mumbled into my shoulder. "You need to stop hiding from your mother. Just because she's a little on the nutty side doesn't mean she doesn't love you." I placed the clean bowl and spoon in the dish drain.

"I know." I mumbled. "But she isn't going to let up on me if she realizes I came home. She'll think she won even though I didn't stay. . . Even though I probably should." I turned off the faucet and unhooked Johnny's arms from my waist before walking toward my bedroom. I sat on the edge of my bed and let myself fall backwards, placing my hands over my stomach and sighing. "Johnny, what do you think I should do?"

The bed sunk down beside me. "I think you should do whatever you think is right. If you decide to stay and something goes wrong, I'm a phone call away and you know that. I would wake up at three in the morning and drive over here to get you if something went wrong if that made you feel more secure."

"I think I'm staying." I sighed while letting out a yawn. Johnny's laughter from beside me shook the bed slightly.

"How are you tired? We've been up for a good hour by now."

"This is still early for me. Since the nightmares have a tendency to wake me up, I normally sleep in until about twelve." I yawned again.

"Don't fall asleep!" He laughed. "You can't do that and leave me alone nobody to talk to or anything. . . I'll make you cookies!"

I sat up quickly. "I'm up!" I giggled, racing him to the kitchen.

* * * * * * * * * * *

It was about two in the afternoon. Johnny and I watched a movie and ate too many cookies to count. I was walking around my dimly lit bedroom in my white cover up, my bathing suit underneath, waiting for him to return from picking his up from his house so we could go swimming. The only light in my room was coming from the single window. I was humming to myself. I crawled onto my bed and lay flat on my stomach across it, legs crossed and in the air while I kept myself propped on my elbows. I continued humming until a loud sound came from my closet, causing me to jump slightly.

I rolled off the bed and onto my feet, walking over to the closet cautiously. I opened it slowly, but finding nothing out of the ordinary aside from a heavy winter jacket which had fallen. That must've been where the sound came from. I let out a breath of relief, turning around quickly but finding myself face-to-face with something horrifying. I was awake, and I was absolutely positive of that, yet he was standing right in front of me, cold hands grabbing my face quickly. "You look the same in your sleep." He smiled disgustingly. He realized my face. too familiar to him from my dreams. "Don't you dare scream. You think I'm dead and so does your little friend. . ." His voice lowered to a whisper. "But I'm not."

I felt myself violently shaking. "You're not real." I mumbled. "You're not real. I'm awake and you're dead. You're not real!" I was yelling by this point.

"If I wasn't real, I wouldn't be able to do this." He pushed my body with all possible force he had. I went flying backwards into the closet, my head hitting hard on one of the shelves before I sank down, my sight going black as the door slammed and the key turned.

* * * * * * * * * * *

It was really dark when I was finally able to lift my heavy lids. My head was throbbing and confusion was flushing over me. I looked into the pocket of my cover up, pulling out my phone. There were twelve missed calls. A few were from my mother. . . The rest were from Johnny. "Lilli!" A worried voice that sounded so far was yelling. It was Johnny. "Lilli!"

I went to dial his number to tell him where I was, but my phone didn't seem to pick up any signal and the battery was almost at nothing. There had to be signal somewhere considering all those phone calls came through. I officially gave up on it, throwing my phone to the floor and pulling my body forward with all my strength. I banged on the closet door as hard as I could multiple times while the tears began flowing heavily. "Johnny!" I screamed as loud as I could. "Get me out of here! Please! Help!" I fell back down against the wall, pulling my knees to my chest while I continued screaming his name through my tears. I had known what was going on. That man. . . But I couldn't tell Johnny that. I had to lie.

The loud footsteps, most likely running, made their way to the closet door. The knob started turning but stayed locked. "Lilli, are you alright?" They sounded panicked. I continued crying and answered through the tears with a simple "yeah." He seemed to calm down slightly. "Where's the key?"

I sniffled. "I don't know, just get me out of here!" I started hyperventilating. This wasn't the first time I've been locked in a closet, unfortunately. This was the cause of my claustrophobia.

"I'm trying! Hang on." I started clutching the shaggy floor beneath me, feeling my head spin and my breathing beginning to get harder and harder. When the door finally swung open, I was pulled from the closet and placed in my desk chair. His hands firmly grabbed my face, giving me an automatic flashback to how I ended up in the closet in the first place. Just the thought of it sent my hyperventilating state out of control. He removed his hands from my face and placed them on my shoulders. "Relax. I know it's the claustrophobia but you're out now, you're alright." My head continued to throb. He pulled his hands away, feeling something out of the ordinary. The tips of his fingers on his right hand were covered in blood. He narrowed his eyes before pulling my shoulders forward and following the trail of blood which lead to a slice in my head. "Shit." He cursed to himself. "Listen carefully. I need you to calm yourself down and carefully explain to me what happened."

I started relaxing myself, forcing myself to breathe regularly, or at least closer to regular than before. "I" I couldn't tell him about the man. He may think I'm crazy or something along those lines. "I was looking for something in my closet. I was afraid of getting locked in so I kept one hand on the knob but my coat fell off the rack, landed on my head, and I freaked." I told a complete lie. "When I tried to pull it off my head, I accidentally pulled the door shut with me. I kept pulling on the knob to get out but my hands slipped and I fell backwards. I slammed my head on the shelf and blacked out after that." He looked very skeptical.

"That doesn't explain why the door itself was locked." A complication. "Obviously it wasn't locked when you opened the door but it was when you closed it. . . What are you not telling me?"

I looked down at my feet. "And why was the lock on the inside busted? I don't think you pulled off a small little lock on the knob with your hands when you fell. Why are you lying to me, Lilli? Who are you protecting?"

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you what was happening. . . But I guess I don't really have a choice. He was here Johnny. I don't quite understand this entire situation but he was here. He was cold. He was so cold but he was physically here, alive. I know I sound crazy bu-" He placed his finger on my lips, shushing me.

"That's enough." He whispered, eyes closed. "I don't see how that's possible. I'm not doubting you, but how would he be alive? I got him, Lilli. Right through the head."

"There was a flash." I whispered to myself. "When I hit my head and blacked out, there was a quick flash of light." My eyes darted over to the bed. "My camera."

I tried standing up but Johnny pushed me right back down onto the seat. He grabbed my camera and started flipping through the photos, looking absolutely baffled. "I don't understand. . ." I stood up and walked over, grabbing it right out of his hands. It was a picture of me on the closet floor that he took. He was on my right side but slightly cut out. He looked like a corpse.

"Delete it!" I cried. "Delete it now!" I sat back down in the chair, suffocating in my own tears. I heard the buttons click and the photo was history. Johnny's hands grabbed mine and pulled me to my feet.

"Come on." He mumbled. "Let's get this cut cleaned up."