Illusion

Sunday for me means one thing: church.
I like church well enough, but I always feel out of place. I thought church was where people were supposed to feel accepted, not me. Most of the kids my age are fakers. They come every Sunday, but instead of learning about God and forming a relationship with him, they like to poke fun at me and Melody.
Mel and I sit off to the side in the youth group room. As Pastor Ryan preaches to us about the love of God, I’m getting pieces of paper thrown at my head. I’ve never been an aggressive person, nor confrontational. Melody took that role in our friendship. She turned around in her chair and glared at them, mouthing the words grow up to them.

One of the guys snapped his teeth at her, “Eat me.”

Yep, good Christian fellows.

Melody came home with me after the service was over. She just wanted to hear more about Benton. I had already told her everything about yesterday’s adventure. Once at the house, we headed up to my room. Stopping at Nicoli’s room, I popped my head in, “We’re home…Oh, God!”

My sister and Ethan lay naked in her bed, covered only by a thin sheet as his lips trailed down her neck. I covered my eyes, trying to forget the image.
Ethan rolled off my sister and propped himself up on his elbow.

“Now, where have I heard that before?” He said with a mischievous grin looking down at Nicoli.

I backed out of the room quickly, before I vomited all over the carpet.

“My eyes,” I mumbled to Melody as I entered my own bedroom. “I’m blind, my poor, poor eyes.”

Mel was sitting cross legged on my bed, flipping through one of my music magazines.

“What happened?” She asked.

I shuddered, “I just walked in on Nicoli and Ethan having sex.”

Her face twisted into a veil of disgust. She mimicked a gagging noise. “Gross.”

“Tell me about it.” I took a seat on my computer chair while Mel stared at me.

“What?” I finally asked.

She smiled, “So, when are we going to go see Mr. Hunky?”

I shook my head, “I am going to meet him at four.”

She pouted, “Why can’t I come too? I could hide behind a tree or shrub or something!”

Laughing quietly, I shook my head again, “No!”

Melody rolled of my bed and headed for the door.

“Where do you think you’re going?” I questioned.

She turned enough so I could see her face, “There is no way I’m hanging out with a loser like you for three hours if I don’t get to come.”

I waited for her to pop a “just kidding” and sit back down on my bed, but it didn’t come.

“How do you think you’re going to get home?”

She shrugged as if the answer were obvious, “The bus, duh.”

She had me there. It was a short walk to the bus stop, but I wasn’t about to sacrifice an afternoon with a cutie pie like Benton just to keep my friend happy.
Melody smiled in the doorway, “Chill out, girl. It’s okay! I would do the exact same thing if the roles were reversed.”

“So you aren’t mad?”

“Do you really think I’d be mad at something like that? You’re crazy.” And with that she left.

I’ll admit the next three hours were Hell. It was like the night before Christmas when you’re young. I tried taking a nap, studying, playing video games, watching a movie; I even tried having a conversation with my mom while she prepared supper, but she was more involved with chopping carrots than talking to me. Of course by the time 3:45 rolled around I went into hyper drive mode. I acted like a tornado as I flew around my room, pulling on a sweater and a comfy pair of jeans. At last, I grabbed my coat from the closet and headed out the door find the handsome boy that awaited me.

As I walked through the dark forest, I thought of Benton’s face, his rumpled brown hair that mixes perfectly with his sparkly blue eyes. The memory made me walk faster, avoiding broken branches that threatened to trip me. Up ahead in the break of the trees, there was an abundance of light. The whole forest had always been dark, but the section of the wood that contained my lake had always been full of sunshine.
I stepped into the oval of clear land and watched the water shimmer. I pulled my coat closer to my body as a chilly breeze went by.

“Hey! There you are.”

Turning to the side, I saw Benton standing next to my bench.

“Yeah, I’m a little early,” I said glancing at my watch.

He shrugged, “That’s okay. I am too.”

For the first time, I noticed he was holding something…something’s. Sensing me staring at them, he held them up for me to see. He held two pairs of white ice-skates.

“I thought we could go skating.”

My eyes furrowed, “Where?”

“The lake, of course.”

“But the lake isn’t frozen…”

I glanced over at the water that had been flowing with life just seconds before to find a frozen layer of ice.
“But…I just…it was…”

“Here you go,” he said handing me a pair.

After sitting on the bench and removing my shoes, I looked doubtfully at the skates. What would the odds be that a random boy I had just met has a pair of ice-skates in my size? It was very slim. And yet, they fit perfectly.
By the time I had made it to the edge of the lake, Benton was gliding by full of grace. I looked down at the slippery ice scared to death. Benton came to a stop in front of me, “Come on.”

“I’ve never done this before,” I confessed.

“He smiled, “That’s okay. I’ll help you.”

He held out his hand in invitation and I took it.


I didn’t know where I was, but it was dark and I was freezing. I heard a steady beeping from beside me and felt multiple heavy blankets weighing me down.

“Will she be alright, doctor,” Asked a voice belonging to my mother.

Doctor? Where was I?

“She had a lot of water in her lungs, but we got it all out of her system. She also suffered extreme temperatures in that lake, but I think she’ll be good as new in a few days.”

Slowly, I opened my eyes to the bright light of a hospital room. My throat burned as I tried to speak.
“Where am…I?” I squeaked. It was a stupid question really. I knew where I was, just not why. My mother and father rushed to my side as a nurse worked around me.

“Oh, honey! You gave us quite a scare!” My mother exclaimed.

“Where am I?” I asked again.

The nurse checked my temperature as my mom pulled on the sleeves of her sweater.

“Do you not remember what happened?”

I shook my head back and forth weakly. The last thing I remember was holding tightly onto Benton’s hand as he helped me keep my balance out on the ice.

“You’re in the hospital, sweetie.” She swallowed nervously, holding back tears. “You fell into the lake. You know how cold the water is, especially this time of year. You bumped your head on a rock or something; the doctors aren’t positive what it was.”
Images swirled through my head. I didn’t understand. I fell in? The lake was frozen. Wasn’t it?

“Luckily, Rayne was following you. He saw you fall in and immediately called 911. He was just about to go in after you when the paramedics arrived bless his soul.”

“Rayne?”

“Yes, sweetie. If he hadn’t been there…I think…you’d be-”

She put her hand to her mouth as my father pulled into the comforting crook of his arm. I know I should have felt grateful that my not-so-secret admirer saved my life, but I was more pissed at the fact that he followed me. More, importantly, why wasn’t Benton the one to call 911. I mean, I know we just met, but isn’t helping someone who may die kind of a common courtesy. My anger at Rayne quickly switched over to Benton. He was just a stupid, selfish rich boy. The minute I got home I was going to go to his house and rip him a new one.


Two days later I was allowed to leave the hospital. I don’t know why I stayed so long. I felt fine. I rolled through the white corridors in a wheel chair pushed by my father. Nicoli hadn’t paid me a visit once in the seventy-two hours I had rotted away in this hell hole. She was probably to busy fucking Ethan’s brains out.

“Why am I in a wheel chair? I’m not a paraplegic. I can walk.”

“Hospital regulations, I guess,” my dad answered.

I sighed, “I just want to go home.”

“We all do, honey,” my mom answered.

The ride home was full of mindless chatter. I suppose my parents just wanted keep me talking in case I slipped into a coma or something. I don’t know. I gave them vague, one word answers. I was too busy planning Benton’s stern lecture. By the time we got home, I was ready to strangle my parents. I know they meant well, but I can only take so much small-talk. Getting out of our white Impala, I headed straight for the woods. My dad grabbed my arm in one fluid motion preventing me from moving forward.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

“I just want to be alone for a little while. I’m going to my bench.”

My father shook his head, “No. If you want some peace and quiet, go to your room and we’ll keep it down, but we don’t want you out by that lake.”

“But-I…that’s not the same! I want some fresh air!”

His face drooped into a frown, “Then open your window.”

I lay on my bed watching the fish on my laptop’s screensaver swim around endlessly. I wondered if they ever got bored. I mean, they swam around in the same old tank every single day with the same old fish. What was I saying!? They weren’t even real fish for Pete’s sake! There was a loud rapping on my door.

“What?”

Nicoli poked her head in before coming to sit at my computer chair. I stared at her for a long time before finally asking, “What do you want?”

She took out a pack of cigarettes and lit one, “Mom and dad ran to town to get groceries and I’m on Mary duty.”

I raised my eyebrows, “Mary duty?”

She took a long drag of her cancer stick, “Yeah, you know, making sure you don’t run off to the woods and try to kill yourself again.”

My curiosity rose, “Kill myself. Is that what they think?”

“No, but it’s what I think.”

“You think I committed suicide.”

“No, Mary Beth! Keep up! I think you attempted suicide.”

I looked down at my feet. My own sister thought I would take my life. My eyes started tearing up. I wasn’t positive why, but her comment felt like a kick in the stomach.
“You always were the crazy one in the family,” she told me.

“Get out,” I told her. “Get out, and take your nasty second-hand smoke with you.”

She scoffed, “Fine, bitch.”

I don’t know what I did to get stuck with suck-tastic sister, but I was sorry I did it. I crawled under my blankets and let the tears run down my face before my eyes slowly closed and I drifted off to sleep.
When I awoke my room was pitch black except for the soft green glow from my alarm clock. As I focused my eyes on the numbers I saw that they read 2:34 AM. I had slept for almost twelve hours. I could hear the sounds of my dad snoring down the hall and my sister’s television playing silently because she forgot to shut it off. I quietly got out of bed and grabbed my coat before descending the stairs and heading out the door.