A Conversation With Jimmy
"So... Boring."
"Are you happy, Jimmy?"
"Yeah, I guess so. Are you happy, Julia?"
"We're not talking about me, Jimmy. This is about you."
"Fine. Is there anything in particular you wanted to talk about?"
"Well... I think lots of kids want to know, what's it like?"
"..."
"You know. Dying."
"Oh! That... that's kind of hard to describe. I've asked others up here and it seems to be different for everyone."
"But, what was it like for you?"
"It was quiet. I guess I sort of just fell asleep. Nothing big and dramatic. No flashbacks. No parade. No light. No voices. Just silence. It didn't really even hurt as much as I thought it would. How was that?"
"If that's what you experienced, that's great. No pain is good."
"Yeah, I guess so. I miss people, though."
"I know you do, Jimmy."
"I never really liked being alone. Really really alone."
"But, you're not alone up here, Jimmy. Aren't there others?"
"Yeah, but they're so goddamn boring. They never have anything good to talk about. No good stories to tell. I don't belong here."
"...In heaven. You would rather be... in hel-"
"Yeah, I guess so."
"That's pretty odd."
"Meh. It's so... boring here. No one to talk to. Nothing to do. Boring."
"But, it's heaven."
"So?"
"Aren't you happy you even got in?"
"Uh... it's boring."
"So hell would be better?"
"Yes."
"I'm sure you don't mean that."
"You are? Do you know who I am?"
"But, you would always be in pain. Never be able to rest. Never be able to have fun."
"I don't know how I got in here. Do you even know how I died?"
"...Yes."
"And?"
"You made a mistake."
"I have made a lot of mistakes."
"Isn't God all about forgiveness?"
"Is he?"
"...Yes."
"They don't even let me play music here. The most I ever got to play was a piano donated by some geek from room 40,809. I broke it."
"I thought angels were pretty big into music. Choruses and what not."
"Yeah. Not so much. It's so quiet."
"So, you're not happy?"
"No... no, I'm happy. Just lonely."
"You miss your family? Your friends?"
"I miss Leana. I miss her a lot."
"I'm sorry."
"Me too. So are you happy?"
"Me? Well, yes I suppose so. I have people who love me, I think. I'm not a complete disgrace to my parents. I have friends who appear to harbor no ill-will towards me. So, all in all, yeah. I guess I'm pretty happy."
"How old are you?"
"Age doesn't matter. Age never matters."
"18?"
"Next May."
"Don't give up, even if you're unhappy."
"I never said I was unhappy, Jimmy."
"You didn't have to, Julia. They can't see it, but I can. They don't want to listen to your double-meanings and see anything past your perfectly strained smiles. How long?"
"...For a long time. I think it really started to kick in around fifth or sixth grade when I realized how fu-... oh sorry... how darn different I was from everyone. That I didn't fit in anywhere. Then... then it wasn't about being different. I just got... sad. I don't want to say the word. You know the word. It starts with a 'd'. My dad had... has it too. I thought that out of all of them, he would see it first. He still hasn't, you know."
"They don't matter. I understand why you don't want to tell anyone. I do. I know it hurts. I'm sorry that it hurts. You'll find someone- anyone to help you. Not now... but soon. Where you are... it's not a good place. That's not your fault. Don't give up. This is not where you're meant to be yet. You have things to do down there. People to save."
"...I really can save someone?"
"Yes."
"I don't believe you."
"Fine. Don't believe me. Just don't give up. You're going to grow old, Julia. You have a future."
"I still don't believe you."
"This was my destiny. It's not yours. It wasn't Leana's, Brian's, Johnny's- it was mine. I'm glad it was me. They don't deserve to die so soon."
"Neither did you, Jimmy."
"Destiny. Destiny."
"It wasn't fair."
"Nothing ever is."
"Everyone always says that."
"You don't believe that either?"
"No... no, that I do believe."
"Finally."
"I'm not a lost cause."
"Exactly. You're not a lost cause."
"Not a lost cause."
"You're going to help people, Julia. You have to help people."
"Okay."
"Yeah, I guess so. Are you happy, Julia?"
"We're not talking about me, Jimmy. This is about you."
"Fine. Is there anything in particular you wanted to talk about?"
"Well... I think lots of kids want to know, what's it like?"
"..."
"You know. Dying."
"Oh! That... that's kind of hard to describe. I've asked others up here and it seems to be different for everyone."
"But, what was it like for you?"
"It was quiet. I guess I sort of just fell asleep. Nothing big and dramatic. No flashbacks. No parade. No light. No voices. Just silence. It didn't really even hurt as much as I thought it would. How was that?"
"If that's what you experienced, that's great. No pain is good."
"Yeah, I guess so. I miss people, though."
"I know you do, Jimmy."
"I never really liked being alone. Really really alone."
"But, you're not alone up here, Jimmy. Aren't there others?"
"Yeah, but they're so goddamn boring. They never have anything good to talk about. No good stories to tell. I don't belong here."
"...In heaven. You would rather be... in hel-"
"Yeah, I guess so."
"That's pretty odd."
"Meh. It's so... boring here. No one to talk to. Nothing to do. Boring."
"But, it's heaven."
"So?"
"Aren't you happy you even got in?"
"Uh... it's boring."
"So hell would be better?"
"Yes."
"I'm sure you don't mean that."
"You are? Do you know who I am?"
"But, you would always be in pain. Never be able to rest. Never be able to have fun."
"I don't know how I got in here. Do you even know how I died?"
"...Yes."
"And?"
"You made a mistake."
"I have made a lot of mistakes."
"Isn't God all about forgiveness?"
"Is he?"
"...Yes."
"They don't even let me play music here. The most I ever got to play was a piano donated by some geek from room 40,809. I broke it."
"I thought angels were pretty big into music. Choruses and what not."
"Yeah. Not so much. It's so quiet."
"So, you're not happy?"
"No... no, I'm happy. Just lonely."
"You miss your family? Your friends?"
"I miss Leana. I miss her a lot."
"I'm sorry."
"Me too. So are you happy?"
"Me? Well, yes I suppose so. I have people who love me, I think. I'm not a complete disgrace to my parents. I have friends who appear to harbor no ill-will towards me. So, all in all, yeah. I guess I'm pretty happy."
"How old are you?"
"Age doesn't matter. Age never matters."
"18?"
"Next May."
"Don't give up, even if you're unhappy."
"I never said I was unhappy, Jimmy."
"You didn't have to, Julia. They can't see it, but I can. They don't want to listen to your double-meanings and see anything past your perfectly strained smiles. How long?"
"...For a long time. I think it really started to kick in around fifth or sixth grade when I realized how fu-... oh sorry... how darn different I was from everyone. That I didn't fit in anywhere. Then... then it wasn't about being different. I just got... sad. I don't want to say the word. You know the word. It starts with a 'd'. My dad had... has it too. I thought that out of all of them, he would see it first. He still hasn't, you know."
"They don't matter. I understand why you don't want to tell anyone. I do. I know it hurts. I'm sorry that it hurts. You'll find someone- anyone to help you. Not now... but soon. Where you are... it's not a good place. That's not your fault. Don't give up. This is not where you're meant to be yet. You have things to do down there. People to save."
"...I really can save someone?"
"Yes."
"I don't believe you."
"Fine. Don't believe me. Just don't give up. You're going to grow old, Julia. You have a future."
"I still don't believe you."
"This was my destiny. It's not yours. It wasn't Leana's, Brian's, Johnny's- it was mine. I'm glad it was me. They don't deserve to die so soon."
"Neither did you, Jimmy."
"Destiny. Destiny."
"It wasn't fair."
"Nothing ever is."
"Everyone always says that."
"You don't believe that either?"
"No... no, that I do believe."
"Finally."
"I'm not a lost cause."
"Exactly. You're not a lost cause."
"Not a lost cause."
"You're going to help people, Julia. You have to help people."
"Okay."
♠ ♠ ♠
Thank you for reading. Hope you liked it!Comments are appreaciated!