A Conversation With Jimmy

“I'm officially a senior in college, Jimmy.”

“Congratulations, Juila.”

“I never thought I would get this fu-... get so far.”

“I know. But you did. You've only got one more year-”

“Well. No. I'm going to take an extra year. There were... complications along the way.”

“...Oh?”

“Well. I decided to completely reconsider my career choice... About half-way through last year...”

“Ah, I see.”

“So... I'm triple majoring.”

“Why?!”

“Well, I just got so far into the other two majors I originally started with, I figured I'd just keep them anyway. I'm almost done with them.”

“I see. Well. That's very interesting. Very rare, isn't it?”

“Sorta. I guess. I mean, I'm not doing it to be unique, or anything. I'm doing it cause I'm a screw-up.”

“I feel you.”

“And, I did it, by the way.”

“...Did what, Julia?”

“I went to a therapist.”

“Oh-”

“Well, I mean, she's a 'counselor.' She works for the school. It... helps. In a weird way. Not in a helpful way, but in a relieving kind of way. It's nice to talk to someone who cares, you know?”

“Well what the hell does that make me, then?”

“I didn't mean that I don't appreciate you! I just mean... you're not real.”

“Ungrateful.”

“Sorry.”

“So are you going to keep seeing her then?”

“Well. I'm going home to Jersey now for the summer, so she recommended that I see someone locally. And... that, if everything doesn't 'soften,' then I should try medication.”

“Oh, I see.”

“Yeah.”

“And, how does that make you feel?”

“Stop that.”

“Answer the question.”

“Well... it makes me... terrified. But, I mean, well, I know it's going to help me. I know it's best to start it this summer, so I can adjust and get used to it before going back to school. I just... it makes me so scared, Jimmy.”

“Don't think about it as having to take a pill every day. Think of it as a way to be happy. To feel better. To be... whatever sort of 'normal' you can be.”

“I didn't really think of it like that...”

“It's not as big of a deal as you think it is, Julia.”

“Nick has been trying to help... he just... he doesn't really know how.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean... I love him so much. But, he keeps telling me that he understands what I'm feeling, and thinking that that will help me. It doesn't. He doesn't know how to listen to me, and he doesn't know how to give advice or comforting words. I feel like I'm drowning sometimes with him...”

“That's not a good feeling to have. I'm sorry.”

“It's okay, it is. I love him. It's the long distance that's really killing me, I think. I don't know how much more I can take. But... he broke his promise. He told me he would move closer... He changed jobs to earn more money and work full-time. And, now he tells me he won't have enough money to move. He's been spending his money on frivolous things. And, I know it's expensive and scary. But, him lying makes it hurt that much more. He was going to move this summer... and then start going to school next fall. But... now it's all completely up in the air. I don't... I don't know what to do.”

“He's not trying to hurt you, Julia.”

“No, I know. I know that... I just don't know why he started dating me if he wasn't going to move closer, you know? If he couldn't be with me... It actually makes me nervous that he could be cheating on me, or something horrible like that.”

“Would he?”

“No. No, I don't think he would. But... if you were in my shoes, wouldn't you think the same thing?”

“Probably.”

“I just... I don't know what to do.”

“Don't stop trusting him. I know he's a little shaky sometimes. And I know it's really hard. But, it will get better soon. You can't give up on him. He makes you happy. And... that's a pretty rare thing nowadays. Love is... love is something that you don't want to give up just because it gets a little hard... Are you crying?”

“No.”

“Stop.”

“I'm sorry.”

“You do this all the time. What is wrong with you?”

“I know, I'm sorry. I don't mean to. It just... happens.”

“It will be okay, Julia.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”