A Conversation With Jimmy

"Hey, Jimmy. Guess what."

"No."

"..."

"...What?"

"I have friends."

"Congradu-fucking-lations."

"It's a big deal for me."

"You're such a loser."

"A loser with friends."

"A loser with friends is still just a loser."

"But, they accept me."

"Good. That's what you needed."

"Are you happy for me?"

"I suppose."

"It's a big deal for me."

"Yeah. I know."

"I haven't felt this human in a long time."

"Good."

"But, I mean..."

"Ugh, what?"

"Well, you know how people always say that 'college was the best time of my life' and stuff like that?"

"Yeah, so?"

"Well, does that mean that everything after college is going to suck? The 'real world.' Life."

"No, it just means that everything after is... less fun. We've already established the fact that you don't party."

"Huh... so if I take partying out of the equation, then life will just stay the same for me?"

"I guess. Like I said, I'm not a prophet. I can't tell you your future."

"So does that mean I have nothing to worry about?"

"You have plenty to worry about."

"Like?"

"You're insane."

"I'm getting better..."

"You can say that all you want. It doesn't make it true. The walls aren't falling as frequently, but they still fall just as hard. An overcrowded head... too crowded."

"So, I'm... doomed."

"Oh, goodness, no. If you grow a back bone and wise up, you'll tell someone, and they'll give you some medicat-"

"I don't want any medication. I can't live through pills. I can't. I just... can't. I can't live like that. I'd kill myself first. I have music and writing, and that's good enough. It's good enough."

"For now."

"Forever."

"You really think it won't get worse?"

"I'm not sure... It scares me... But, I'm not sure."

"So... friends."

"I feel human. Accepted. Appreciated. Loved. I feel loved here. It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I have a best friend. Beautiful."

"That's nice."

"But, people stare at me a lot more lately. People have always started at me... but it's gotten worse. I try to ignore it."

"Why do you think people stare at you?"

"Because I'm funny to look at. Duh."

"Ha! Whatever you say, Julia. Whatever you say."

"And... do you remember when I asked you about people and their eyes and being able to see and feel and understand?"

"Yes."

"Can I tell you a secret?"

"Sure."

"I think some people can."

"How do you know?"

"I was in one of my... moods again."

"Uh-huh."

"And, I was at dinner with my friends."

"Uh-huh."

"And, I was sort of staring into space like I usually do, but this time I was getting very very lost in my thoughts. I was getting down pretty deep. It was kind of scary."

"Uh-huh."

"And, John, my friend, John, he looked me straight on, snapped me out of it, and asked me if I was okay. I told him I was fine, but he gave me that look. The look that I write about. The one that says that they don't believe you. I think he saw it. I think he could see it."

"Wow."

"Yeah... wow. I think he saw it. No one has ever seen it. Not even my parents. No one. And this man, who has known me for no more than two months... he saw it. I think he saw it. I think he's special."

"It might be like that thing in Harry Potter."

"What?"

"You don't remember that dead horse thing in Harry Potter? With Luna and Harry? They could see them, but others couldn't. They could only be seen by people who had experienced a great tragedy in their life. Maybe John is like you. Maybe you found someone like you."

"I don't want anyone to have to be like me..."

"None the less."

"Maybe."

"Julia, this is a good thing."

"Hm."

"He might be the push you need."

"Hm."

"He might be able to help you."

"Do you really think so?"

"Yeah. I do."

"Jimmy... I hope you're right."