Wake up Under the Sun

So maybe Kaden couldn’t talk, but luckily for me he knew exactly what he wanted and didn’t want – or, in my case, who he wanted and didn’t want. After his birthday party had come to an end and it was just the family, and John, Kaden seemed to take a liking to us. He was tired but he strained to keep his eyes open as he studied me. His lips were pressed together tightly and his eyes moved around all of my body. If he wasn’t so young, I’d have been creeped out by how intense he was being.

After a few hours of talking and catching up with my parents, Kaden eventually fell asleep slumped against John. The conversation slowly died out when mom noticed Kaden was sleeping against some boy she knew she hated but couldn’t remember how, when, or why the hate started. She rushed to scoop him away from John and she carried him upstairs without a word said to us, causing dad to sigh.

“I don’t understand?” I gaped, pulling my eyes from the staircase and settling on dad.

“Because he doesn’t talk, she refuses to let anyone get close to him,” he explained softly. His eyes met John’s in a sympathetic manner. “It’s nothing against you breaking our window in a drunken fit.”

John’s cheeks flushed, bit his lip and focused on his fingernails. I swallowed hard. “Can I take him to lunch or something? He doesn’t talk, he’s not on his death bed. I want to get to know my brother without mom hovering over us.”

Dad smiled the first genuine smile I’d seen all day. “Of course you can, Delaney. We’re going out tomorrow, your mother and I. I’ll cancel the babysitter and you can watch him instead.”

John looked at me out of the corner of his eye. “John, too?” I asked.

Dad continued to smile. “Kaden does seem to like John.”

And so it was settled. Mom was none the wiser when she returned downstairs moments later, and she still had no idea when we left. I drove John home but instead of him going inside right away, we sat in his driveway in silence for a while.

“Your mom seems..” I heard John inhale through his nose as he searched for the right word. “Controlling.”

I gave a half smile. “I guess that’s how you could describe her.”

John reached over to hold my hand. “She’ll come around. I’ll see you tomorrow morning, okay?”

John kissed me softly before he got out of the car and ambled inside. I drove home to Lex and sat on the couch with her for hours, talking about every little detail from the past couple of days. It felt nice having her home again, even though I know she was longing to be with Loren. I could breathe easy with her here.

We went to bed around midnight, after I told her all about my little brother and how dad was helping me get to know him without mom knowing. She warned me to be careful, and, of course, she’d need to hear all about it when I got home.

I could hardly sleep through the night. I tossed and turned, fidgeted with the blankets and sheets, and stared at the ceiling for the most part. I was itching to spend time alone with Kaden and learn about what he liked and didn’t like. It would be interesting to interact with him without him responding to questions and comments.

Morning came all too soon. My eyes hurt from lack of sleep and I had no energy to properly dress myself. I grabbed an oversized hoodie, a tank top, and a pair of jean shorts, pulled out a pair of underwear and a bra then took one of the quickest showers of my life. As I pulled the hoodie over my head, my phone rang. I expected it to be dad, but it was John and I was nothing less than shocked when I answered.

“Hello?”

His laugh trickled through the speaker and caused goosebumps to prickle my skin. “I’m almost at your house. I figured you could drive, so if your parents come home early they won’t flip out if my truck is there.”

“Oh. Right,” I stammered. I tied my hair into a loose, messy bun and exhaled softly at my appearance. Well, it wasn’t like I needed to dress to impress for a four-year-old. “I honestly didn’t expect you to be awake.”

“Yeah, my mom said the same thing,” he chuckled. “I’ll see you in a few minutes, Lane.”

I muttered a goodbye-esque noise before hanging up. I grabbed my keys, wallet, and found a pair of flip-flops. As I stepped outside, I slightly regretted the hoodie idea and pushed the sleeves up to my elbows. I squinted against the early morning sun as John’s old, white truck came into view. He parked by the curb in case Lex had to leave today, and – shockingly – cheerily made his way over to me.

“How long have you been awake, exactly?” I asked warily, unlocking the doors so we could head out.

“I dunno,” he said with a shrug as he sunk into the passenger seat. “A couple of hours?”

I shook my head but that didn’t stop the smile from curling my lips upward. We drove to my parents’ house in silence, the early morning talk show filling the car. Mom’s car was gone and I was thankful – we definitely hadn’t thought about this exchange part. Parents don’t just leave their children alone in wait for the babysitter. They hung around for a few minutes to make sure everything was all right. That totally would have blown up in our faces if she had been there.

“Hey sweetie,” Dad said, standing in the doorway with Kaden against his hip. “Mom had to run into work for a bit, which was a good thing for us, huh? We didn’t even think of that.”

I laughed. I definitely got my thought processing from him. I was more laid back and a free-planner, as mom called it. Neither of us liked the idea of lists, plans and schedules. We hated appointments, calendars, and agendas. When we wanted to do something, we kept track of it in our heads as we went along during the day. We didn’t try to plan five steps ahead and we definitely didn’t worry about it once it was over with, especially if it went wrong.

“Nice to see you again, John,” he added and stepped aside so we could walk into the house.

It was spotless. You couldn’t tell there had been a bunch of rowdy little kids here yesterday, and if someone hadn’t known about the party, they surely wouldn’t have been able to tell there had been one at all.

“So, Kaden just finished his breakfast. He normally takes a nap around 11. It’s Sunday, so we give him the day off. You know, to be an actual kid.”

Kaden was fighting to be freed, so dad placed him down. He ran for the couch, the TV remote instantly glued to his tiny hands. He found Nickelodeon right away and was immediately sucked in to whatever cartoon was playing.

“What about lunch?” I asked.

“His favorite is peanut butter and banana.” There was a small pause – a hesitation – that I almost didn’t catch.

“Just like mine,” I offered.

Dad’s eyes softened. “After lunch, he usually just hangs out and plays with his toys, I guess. Sometimes I hear he likes to go down the street to the park.”

“Do you not know?” John asked softly, cautiously.

Dad scratched the back of his neck. “Truthfully, no. Not anymore.”

I swallowed hard. I wasn’t going to ask why, and I could see that John wasn’t going to, either. We left it at that, though, and with a kiss goodbye to Kaden’s forehead, dad was off to catch up with mom.

John and I situated ourselves on the couch with Kaden, one of us on either side of him, and he seemed to be oblivious to our presence. It was no use asking him what this stupid show was – some crappily animated cartoon about a dog – since I wouldn’t be able to get any sort of answer out of him. So, instead, we sat in silence for hours, watching cartoon after cartoon, until Kaden slowly leaned into me and placed the remote on my lap. I felt John’s eyes on me as I looked down at Kaden. His eyes were closing, his breathing evening out. I carefully picked him up and as I carried him, he held me tighter. John followed behind me up the stairs, spotting me incase I fell.

It didn’t take long to figure out that Kaden’s room was the former office, but it took some time to realize my room was still there. John quietly closed Kaden’s door and followed my gaze.

It looked like the door hadn’t been touched since the day I left. My bed was still slightly disheveled from the fact that I hated making beds. There were pictures on the walls of far off places I dreamed of traveling to someday. The walls were still that ungodly shade of tea pink.

And, oddly, I had no interest to go inside and fall back on old memories. I returned downstairs to find the ingredients for Kaden’s lunch. John didn’t question it, for which I was thankful, and helped me prepare lunch. Neither of us knew how to take care of a little kid, and I was starting to think it was all a bad idea, until Kaden came downstairs half an hour later. Was he supposed to go up and down stairs by himself? Wasn’t I supposed to know things like this?

He tugged my hoodie, looking up at me with eyes just like mine. “Are you hungry?” I asked.

He pursed his lips, turned on his heel and walked away. I looked to John for his input on what that meant but he could only laugh. I was about to shush John when I noticed Kaden coming back, pushing a little wooden chair into the kitchen. He stood on the chair, causing John to move behind him to protect him, and he reached for the cabinet handle. He pulled out a box of macaroni and cheese.

“You want that instead?” I asked and his eyes lit up in response. He enthusiastically handed me the box, a smile on his face.

I couldn’t deny it: this kid was adorable.

So I made him the macaroni and I ate the sandwich instead. John passed on lunch altogether, claiming he was still full from breakfast. When we were done, Kaden grabbed my hand and pulled me to the front window. He looked up at me, then outside, and pointed down the street.

I felt dumb double-checking everything he was clearly saying, but I asked anyway. “Park?”

He nodded before scurrying off. It was frustrating, sure, but I had to keep reminding myself that it would get easier soon enough. While Kaden was off doing whatever it was he was doing, I washed the dishes and cleaned up the kitchen. It took me a while to realize John was either being super quiet or he had run off, too. It was too quiet, and with my buzzing negative thoughts, I had to focus on scrubbing this pot free of the leftover processed cheese powder.

“Laney,” John said from behind me, startling me.

“Jeez, you scared the crap out of me,” I said through gritted teeth, my hand over my heart.

He laughed, his eyes meeting mine. He wrapped his arms around me and tugged me close to him. “Kaden is ready to go.”

I nodded, mumbling about finishing the dishes before leaving. He left the kitchen with a nod as I drained the sink, placed the pot on the dishtowel to dry, and quickly wiped down the counters. I entered the living room to find both boys standing eagerly at the door, hand-in-hand. I couldn’t help but grin at the sight.

“Ready to go, squirt?” John asked as he opened the door. I made sure it was unlocked, since I didn’t have a spare key and I wasn’t sure if the hide-a-key was still being used, and followed them outside. The sun was bright and I could feel the sweat start beading on my neck already.

The two practically chased each other up the street to the little playground. It had obviously been a new addition to the neighborhood since I had left but there were a few kids playing on the jungle gym. Kaden immediately ditched John and ran around screaming with the others.

I took a seat on an open swing and sighed heavily. I tore the hoodie off, tossed it into the mulch and pushed off. I swung a few times before John pushed me a little higher.

John was this calming force that I had so desperately needed in my life. He was a constant. Sure, it had only been a month since we met, but I could easily trust him. He knew what to say without being too intrusive, overstepping or brash. There was something else about him that I couldn’t figure out, though. He had told me things, let me into his life, and yet there was a small bit of him left he didn’t want me to know about yet.

He had a mysterious, tough-guy exterior. He wasn’t going to let just anyone in. But I think that was because he had such a caring, concerned interior that was fragile and had never been broken before. He guarded it more than anything else.

“When are you leaving?” I asked when his hands met my lower back again. Milliseconds later, I was soaring forward toward the sky.

“I dunno, Lane,” he groaned, using that famous “I don’t want to talk about it” tone. He knew he just didn’t want to tell me.

“Obviously you know if Kennedy knows,” I said lightly.

His hands never came in contact with my back again. I stopped pumping my feet to keep the momentum and I came to a stop. I kept my back to him. I just wanted to know when he was leaving. It wasn’t that hard of a question.

“Does it matter?” he asked heavily, sighing as he did so.

“Yeah,” I murmured.

“I mean, does it really matter, Lane?” he asked again. “Will you be any less upset if I tell you I’m leaving tomorrow as opposed to two weeks from now?”

I looked over my shoulder. The sun was hitting him directly in the eyes but he didn’t squint. He had his hands in his pockets, awaiting my reply. And the truth was, I didn’t know. It would hurt both ways. I think, though, leaving sooner rather than later would hurt more because we had just started to really spend time together. Hell, we had just gotten together in the first place. I wasn’t exactly ready to let him go for months and months.

“I- I don’t know.”

His shoulders fell slightly as he stepped around me and stooped down so we were at eye level. He braced himself by holding onto the chains of the swing, enclosing me in. “I’m leaving in four days.”

I placed my hands on his cheeks. Was it too soon to say he was borderline perfection? “For how long?”

I could tell he didn’t want that question to come up. “Three months.”

Before I had enough time to process it, Kaden barreled up to us, stopping too late. He knocked John over, causing a laugh to emit from his lips, and Kaden grabbed for my hand. He dragged me onto the jungle gym and pointed to the slide.

“Kay, I’m a little too big for the slide,” I told him. He stubbornly crossed his arms and shook his head. I sighed, sitting down on the slide. John’s lanky figure came into my peripheral vision as he walked across the playground. He waited at the end of the slide, a smirk on his lips.

Kaden gave me a push – granted it didn’t do anything since he was so little and I was so big – and I took off down the slide. There was a bench directly in my line of vision and the mothers sitting there smiled. Did they know who I was?

I fell onto the mulch and John picked me up, laughing as he brushed the pieces of wood off me. He handed my hoodie over and we both watched Kaden standing at the top, grinning at us.

“Your turn,” I told him.

He did a little dance before he plopped down on the slide. He sat there for a moment, eyeing us. We both nodded in reassurance; we would both be there for him when he hit the ground just as I had. He scooted closer, then slid all the way down to the end. Except, unlike me, he didn’t hit the mulch.

“Good job!” I exclaimed. “So much better than me, kiddo.”

Kaden grinned and ran off in a group of kids. John’s hand found mine and interlaced our fingers. I looked up at him in time for his lips to press against mine.

“It sounds like forever,” he told me. “But it’s really not that bad.”