Wake up Under the Sun

John and I spent a few hours with Kaden before I had to take him back to the venue. Kaden was beyond excited to see John again and be able to touch him and play with him. We had to explain to him that John had to get back to “work” now, but he’d be back tomorrow for lunch. As we were leaving the house, seeing Kaden sadly waving to us from the doorway, I had to wonder what it was about John that had both of us so attached to him already.

I didn’t get too far into my thoughts before John pulled me from them. We parked behind the venue and stayed in my car for a while, kissing and touching while we could, because as soon as we went into the venue it was all about the band and getting ready for that night’s show. They did a pre-show interview, which I sat in the corner for, and then they warmed up. They opened the show, met some fans afterwards, and then we all went to dinner. Time passed by incredibly fast and before I knew it, John and I were sound asleep in my bed. We visited Kaden again, had lunch and played for a few hours before John had to leave.

And that’s how fast each day went for the rest of July. I worked day in and day out, talked to John for a few hours each night, and spent nights with Kaden. I finally had a day off, a week into August, and I had decided to take Kaden down to ASU with me while I bought the rest of my books for class. He was unusually quiet – which was weird to think about since he doesn’t talk. With my books in hand, we walked out to the courtyard and sat at a table.

“You okay today, buddy?” I asked, pulling a bag of goldfish crackers out of my purse for him. He shrugged slightly, picking at the crackers. I pursed my lips, taking my laptop out of my bag. Maybe a little video chat with John would cheer him up.

“Hey,” John cheerily said. His eyes were red and his smile seemed a little forced, as if he were exhausted.

“You okay?” I asked.

John shrugged, “Just worn out. I kinda want this tour to be over. I miss being home.”

His phone dinged with a new message and his eyes fell into his lap so he could answer it. I sighed softly, flipping through one of my new books. I missed him being home, too, but I hated hearing that he’d rather be here instead of doing what he loves.

“John?”

“Yeah, Lane?” he questioned, looking up from his phone.

My mouth fell open. “That.. That wasn’t me.”

I looked at Kaden, who seemed unfazed by the fact that he had spoken. Rather, he looked slightly irritated that John confused him for me. “Oh my god! I was his first word?” John boomed, the excitement evident in his eyes and clearly in his voice.

“John,” Kaden said again, this time more sternly.

“Oh my god,” I mumbled in disbelief. I shakily dialed our dad’s number, waiting impatiently as it rang.

“Yeah, Kaden?” John replied, smirking.

“Do you love Laney?” he asked simply.

My throat ran dry. I had to hang up before dad even answered because now I found myself the silent one. I had no idea where that question came from and I didn’t know if I wanted to hear the answer. John and I were three months into a relationship, and most of that time had been spent miles apart.

“Do you?” Kaden pressed when John didn’t answer right away.

John and I looked at each other and even through the computer I could see how hard he was processing this.

“Kaden, I don’t think that’s appropriate to ask,” I stuttered, then bit my lip.

Kaden just shrugged, staring straight into the computer, awaiting his answer. John sat in silence for a while longer before he finally smiled a little.

“Your sister means a lot to me, Kaden,” John said.

“But do you love her?” Kaden asked again, more curiosity in his tone this time.

“Yeah,” John laughed. “I do.”

Kaden looked at me with a huge grin. I didn’t know what to think. I didn’t even know how to answer my phone when I saw that dad was calling back, so I handed the phone to Kaden since he was talking now.

My heart was barely beating. Love was such a strong word and even if John was only saying it to appease Kaden, it freaked me out. Not in a bad way, really, but hearing those words from the “first” boy, well, it was more than enough to start a panic.

“Are you okay, Lane?” John asked softly.

“Yeah,” I choked. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

I wasn’t fine. I couldn’t be fine after hearing that. I could tell, though, that my face was pale white and even my shaky lie wouldn’t be enough to get me out of this mess. I swallowed hard, listening to Kaden talk happily to our dad.

“Laney, I’ll be home in 13 days,” John said.

“I’ll be in school already,” I said in return.

“I know.”

Kaden handed me the phone and said some more things to John. I breezed through a conversation with dad, who gushed about how excited he was that Kaden was talking, and after I hung up, John mentioned that he had to go to sound check. Kaden and I said goodbye to him, then the two of us sat around eating goldfish until they were gone. I drove him home after that and after talking to our parents for a few minutes, I went to my house for the night.

I dropped my books on the floor and curled up in bed, fully clothed. John’s cologne still lingered on the pillowcase he had slept on and I hugged it close. It completely changed everything, hearing that he loved me, even if he possibly didn’t fully mean it. I was almost afraid of him coming home now, whereas yesterday I would have given anything for him to be home with me.

My phone vibrated in my pocket. I pulled it out and read the text.

I meant it.

I definitely had no idea where this put us now but my nerves skyrocketed and I couldn’t answer. I couldn’t think of anything to say. I didn’t know if I felt the same way. Honestly, I didn’t even know you could tell after such a short amount of time.