Wake up Under the Sun

I never realized how exhausting touring could be, and I wasn’t even the one performing. I spent a lot of time at the merch table with Vito every night while the boys were doing interviews backstage and performing for a little more than an hour. The new CD had come out mid-July and the band’s popularity seemed to boom overnight. Which, unfortunately, meant that every other girl also knew about me. And most of them had an instant dislike toward me.

Needless to say, the tour was tiring. And when we got home, while John and the boys instantly took to their beds for a much-needed rest, I went down to school to figure out how I can rearrange this semester.

“Let me get this straight,” my counselor, Mrs. Brooks, said, peering at me over her half-moon glasses. I bit my lip nervously, no doubt looking like a foolish schoolgirl. “You want to take all of your courses online.. So you can tour the country with your rockstar boyfriend?”

I sighed, “Well, when you say it like that, it sounds bad.”

“How is it supposed to sound, then?” she challenged.

The truth was, there was no other way to make it sound. I just hated the fact that I knew making this decision was foolish and reckless. I hung my head, ultimately defeated. “Just like it does.”

“Ms. Leblanc, while I don’t support your decision, I know what it feels like to be swept off your feet,” she said, then turned a picture frame toward me. The picture in the frame was from a handful of years ago, the two in the picture very young and attractive. Though, Mrs. Brooks wasn’t exactly old or ugly now. “My husband and I. He was the star baseball player here, and of all the girls swooning after him, he chose me.”

“Was it a whirlwind romance?” I asked, leaning forward in interest. I could picture it playing out in my head. The cute first date and the perfect first kiss; the way her heart would sputter whenever he would look her way, and the shocks she’d feel when his hands brushed at her skin. The way they smiled at each other in the photograph showed that they knew they were meant to be together.

Mrs. Brooks smiled. “Isn’t every romance?”

I slowly looked up at her. Her eyes had softened and she had taken her glasses off now. “So you understand?” I asked sheepishly, my cheeks burning bright red.

“Sometimes you meet the person you’re meant to be with forever and there’s no stopping it or controlling when it happens. All I can say is that thankfully you haven’t been totally swept away and you still have your head on your shoulders,” she said tiredly, as if she had seen this scenario too many times before. She rummaged through her desk drawers and shuffled her desk about, in search of something. She turned her computer screen to me and pushed a few papers at me. “Sign those, and let’s get you enrolled in those online classes, hm?”

Maybe Mrs. Brooks didn’t approve of girls giving up their life plan for boys, but she understood that it happens. She helped me sign up for my classes and she even took her lunch break early to walk with me to the bookstore. She told me all about Tom, her husband, and how their romance began. I listened intently, smiling the entire time. It sounded just like John and I, which was horrifying and thrilling at the same time. And then, she asked about John. Just like I couldn’t help but smile at her stories, she had the same grin during mine.

Five books, a quick salad for lunch and two hours later, we were saying goodbye. “Keep me posted, Delaney. Call me if you change your mind or even if you need to talk, okay?”

“I will,” I promised.

She waited as I pulled my keys from my purse. “I do hope it all works out for you.”

“Me, too,” I said, and then she went back into the Student Services building and I headed for my car. I tossed my books onto the passenger seat and drove to John’s house. His little brother let me in, mumbled about John being in his room, and then went back to playing video games with his friends.

I lugged my bag of books upstairs and smiled when I gently pushed his door open; he was sound asleep, sprawled out in the middle of his bed. Our suitcases were sitting side-by-side in front of his closet. I dropped my books by the suitcases, which caused John to stir, then crawled onto the bed with him, laying on top of him.

“My semester is all figured out,” I told him.

“What’re you gonna do?” he sleepily asked and rolled over, causing me to fall off of him and into the space next to him.

“Take this semester online. I’ve done it before for a summer, it can’t be that much different for a whole semester’s worth,” I explained.

John lazily draped an arm over my stomach and pulled me close to him. He stared me directly in the eyes, a smile on his lips. I pushed my hands under the pillow and stared back. His green eyes were so tired but they still had that boyish shine in them. He licked his lips quickly and scooted even closer.

I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. He was beyond breathtaking, even at such a simple time like this. I was reminded of Mrs. Brooks and how she had ended up in her own fairytale romance. I searched his facial expression and deep into the pools of his eyes for any sign that this would end, even months from now.

“What are you thinking?” he asked.

I smiled, shook my head slightly and said, “Nothing. Just something my counselor mentioned.”

As her words filled my head again, his lips brushed against mine. Maybe we truly were meant for each other and there wouldn’t be an end to us at all.

We left for the fall tour about a week later. At first balancing schoolwork and spending time with the boys wasn’t as hard as I imagined it would be. I had time to read my chapters while they did sound checks and I could finish assignments while they did interviews. Sometimes I would have to miss a set to work on an assignment, but I always put it aside once they were done because that meant it was time to party and relax until the next day started.

It was a couple of weeks into the tour, the boys’ set had ended and we were eating dinner before they all had to go outside and meet with fans. Everyone but John, Kennedy and myself had finished. We were quietly eating the pizza Max had brought us when my phone buzzed to life. I looked at it through tired eyes and gasped at the text message.

“You okay, babe?” John asked, looking over at me.

“Lex is getting married!” I shouted, causing Kennedy to look at me now too. I pushed John out of the seat so I could get up from the table and I practically ran off the bus so I could call her.

“Be my Maid of Honor?” Lex laughed upon answering.

“Of course!” I shouted in excitement. I quickly made my way through the thick crowd of fans and rounded the corner into solitude. “Did it just happen right now?”

“You’re the first one I’ve told,” she giggled. “But I’m sure, by your volume, that the whole bus knows now, too.”

“Just Kennedy and John,” I sheepishly said. She hummed in dismay and I could easily picture her pursing her lips. “What?”

“Nothing, just.. How’re things with you guys?” she asked and I knew what she meant. “Nothing too awkward?”

I sighed. “No, it’s been alright.”

“Lane,” I heard John calling out. “Where the hell did you go?”

I turned in time to see him coming around the corner. We stared at each other for a moment before I couldn’t contain my excitement. I bounced slightly, grinning wide, “Lex is getting married!”

He chuckled, stepping close to me and wrapping his arms around my waist. “I know, you already said that. Is that her on the phone?”

I nodded furiously and he laughed, kissing me quickly. “Tell her I said congrats.”

I relayed his message and then she excitedly told me how it had happened. I had melted inside. There was no controlling anything that came out of my mouth at that point, and all I could do was coo at everything she said. We were on the phone for another ten minutes before I could hear Loren in the background, asking when she’d be done so they could go to dinner because he was hungry.

“Typical boys,” I laughed. John pouted at me, tugging me closer to him. I smiled and softly kissed him. “I’ll talk to you soon. I’m so happy for you, Lex!”

“Engaged, huh?” John mused, eyebrows skyrocketing in disbelief. I was going to question his tone when he quickly continued. “I always knew they’d end up married, of course.”

I couldn’t get another word in before someone was saying John’s name, trying to get his attention. My eyes flickered past John, at the girls crowding around behind him. He turned his head, looked over his shoulder, and gave them a smile. I immediately let go of him, stepped out of his arms. It felt like that awkward moment you see in movies where the couple had been discovered, for the first time, by someone they didn’t want to ever find out they were dating.

“Right, um,” I stammered. John looked at me again as I scratched the back of my neck. “I’m gonna go. I didn’t finish one of my essays earlier.”

He licked his lips nervously, anxiously. “Okay. I’ll be in soon.”

I hurriedly pushed my phone into the front pocket of my shorts and kept my head down low as I tried to make my way through the fans. They were swarming him already. I stood at the curb and watched as he tried to smile at them all and sign his name on whatever they handed him. He took pictures with everyone that asked. He stayed so calm, even with the sudden rush of girls coming at him.

I don’t know why it hurt so much tonight but when the girls started staring at me and making snide comments they thought I couldn’t hear, all I wanted to do was curl up in the bunk I shared with John and hug a pillow tight to my chest. I knew it was beyond ridiculous to let 15 year olds get under my skin but they were so good at tearing me apart.

“She’s not even pretty,” one of them said, and turned away from me. The friend she had said it to eyed me for a moment longer, just long enough to see the tears pool in my eyes, and then she gave me a sympathetic smile before she too turned away.

I shouldn’t have let it get to me like that. They were just words. And it wasn’t like I believed them. There was no need to cry over it.

But with one last look at John – who happened to meet my gaze at that very moment – I realized why I was crying. He looked hurt when he saw my trembling lip, but he didn’t make a move. It was then, with that one movement – or lack thereof – that I truly realized who came first in all of this. As I carefully made my way around the little groups of fans surrounding the other boys, it hit me that I would never be able to beat this.

I grabbed the handle to the bus door when I heard someone behind me. “Are you okay?”

I turned to face Kennedy. He was concerned and taking a time-out from his fans to check on me. I offered him a weak smile, “I’ll be fine.”

Kennedy looked back and forth between his fans and me. I felt my shoulders fall slightly and I quickly slipped onto the bus before he could decide his next move. I was nearly in the bunk hall when I heard the door open.

“I promise I will be back,” Kennedy said to the girls outside and then closed the door.

I didn’t acknowledge him as he came up behind me. I pulled on a hoodie and continued to the back lounge where, among their recording setup, I had left my laptop. I sat in front of it and looked up at him as he leaned against the doorway, arms crossed.

“What happened?” he asked.

I sighed heavily, my eyes feeling heavy and sunken. “Some girl called me ugly.”

Kennedy looked at me sternly, using that are you serious right now? expression. “Do I really need to point out everything wrong with what you just said?” he questioned.

I shook my head. “I know it’s stupid. I’m just tired of hearing it every night.”

Kennedy wavered slightly. He pushed himself away from the door and was now considering sitting beside me to comfort me. He just stood there, in the doorway, conflicted. “Look, they’re all going to say mean things. They love him. They love all of us guys. I don’t know why they’ll tear any of our girls down. I just don’t. I- I wish they could see how much it hurts, because it doesn’t hurt just you. It hurts everyone.”

I studied him for a moment. There was sincerity to his words, something I had almost forgotten he was good at showing and honestly meaning. That was the thing about Kennedy – you could read him like an open book. He wasn’t capable of showing emotion unless he truly felt it.

“I’ll be fine, Kenny,” I said softly, opening my laptop. Instead of pulling up my unfinished assignment, I decided to take advantage of our Internet while it still worked. He hadn’t moved from his spot and I looked up at him. “Thank you.”

Kennedy smiled and nodded his head before he returned to his fans outside. It would be another hour before the boys were forced to come back inside and by then, I had already typed and sent away my thoughts.

I was curled up in our bunk, reading one of the chapters for my next assignment, when John pulled the curtain back and climbed in. I didn’t look at him until he took my textbook from me.

“What happened?” he asked softly, ignoring the hard edge in my eyes.

“I think maybe this was a bad idea,” I replied. He looked shocked but he waited for me to continue. “Your fans have done nothing but hate me since day one but for some reason it’s getting more and more out of hand this time. They say such small things but when you overhear it countless times every night, it adds up and it hurts.”

John kissed my forehead. “Don’t listen to them. You mean everything to me and they’ll see it eventually. I love you.”