Wake up Under the Sun

The day after Lex’s wedding, after I had dropped them off at the airport, I went home. I talked my parents into buying plane tickets to Oklahoma for Christmas; I leave tomorrow and they would meet me there by the end of the week.

I sighed when my phone rang with life yet again. I almost didn’t want to look up from zipping my suitcase but there was always the possibility that it was someone else. Of course, however, I was wrong.

John had been calling ever since the wedding. I only listened to his first voicemail, which was short and to-the-point: I hate your indecisiveness, Laney. I really do. You’re killing me. But I love you and I trust you. I’m waiting.

As soon as the call ended, I picked up the phone and sent a text to Kennedy saying that I was ready to leave. He immediately sent one back saying he’d be right over. I lugged my suitcase to the front door and sat on the edge of the couch while I waited. I hoped this would help because if it didn’t – I was all out of ideas.

“Laney!” I heard from outside. I couldn’t help but laugh as Austin burst through the front door. He grinned at me, “Your chariot awaits, my love.”

Kennedy poked his head in the door and grinned as well. He grabbed the handle of my bag and dragged it outside while Austin took my hand and pulled me along with him. Austin made me sit in the backseat with him on the way to the airport, and most of the conversation sarcastically revolved around how this trip to Oklahoma could possibly fix anything.

“Just leave her alone, Gibbs,” Kennedy laughed.

“I’m just saying,” he said smoothly. “It doesn’t make sense to go away for two weeks with so much left unsaid.”

I sighed as Sky Harbor came into view. It was bittersweet to see the airport. “I need to get out of Arizona. You know, to clear my head.”

Austin and I stared at each other before he gave me his signature smirk. “I can go with you to, y’know, help you sort things out.”

“Austin!” Kennedy roared, laughing even harder. “Jesus, man. Give it up.”

Austin shook his head as we approached the terminal I needed to get out at. I momentarily zoned out as they bickered back and forth. Oklahoma needed to bring me peace. It just had to.

“Call me when you get back into town and I’ll come pick you up, baby,” Austin cooed, winking at me as the three of us stood by the outside check-in desk. I playfully rolled my eyes and placed my hand over his face.

“You are ridiculous,” I said, then pressed his face firmly to push him away slightly.

Kennedy stepped in quickly before Austin could say anything else. “Stay safe, okay. And have fun.”

I nodded, placing my bag on the scale. I bit my lip as the boys stood silently on either side of me. Once I was all checked in, I looked at them. Austin was still smirking, as if I had never pushed him away, and Kennedy was smiling supportively.

“You’ll be fine,” Kennedy promised, tossing an arm around my shoulders and leading me inside the building. “I’m not even going to ask if John knows you’re leaving because I already know the answer. It’ll be fun when he finds out, that’s for sure.”

“Will you stop talking about him? She’s obviously trying to escape him,” Austin remarked, shoving Kennedy’s shoulder.

I smiled. Oklahoma would be a nice break but I would definitely miss these two. Hell, I would miss everyone.

“I’ll call you when I land,” I said before I gave both of them a kiss on their cheeks and headed for my gate.

**
It was refreshing to be back in Oklahoma. I could feel the stress and worries instantly leave my body the second I stepped foot on my grandparent’s little plot of farmland.

Although I had just arrived, I asked my grandparents for a little alone time on their property so I could properly clear my head. They practically pushed me out the door, telling me this was my home no matter how long I stayed away, and that I could even take one of the horses out if I wanted to. Considering it was pretty chilly outside, I grabbed a coat from my old room and decided on just wandering instead.

Arizona was pretty, sure, but nothing compared to the way I felt about Oklahoma. I loved everything about it. But, unfortunately, no one here could compare to the way I felt about the people waiting for me in Arizona.

I dialed Kennedy’s number and sighed happily as I walked along. As he picked up, I could hear the boys arguing in the background about how a particular sound should be edited.

“How was your flight, Lane?” Kennedy asked right off the bat.

Before I could answer, however, the commotion I heard in the background startled me. John was there and I could only guess that Kennedy forgot I hadn’t mentioned this trip to him. His voice boomed over everyone else and I heard the phone being shuffled around.

“Where are you?” he demanded.

I stopped walking abruptly. I froze completely. For a split second, I contemplated just hanging up on him but I knew there was no way in hell I would be able to avoid him after this. Hanging up now would only mean my phone blowing up with phone calls from him every second until I gave in and answered – or shut it off altogether.

“I’m in Oklahoma,” I answered sheepishly.

He sighed, aggravated. I bit my lip anxiously and glanced over my shoulder at the house. I could see my grandma through the kitchen window, preparing dinner already. “Seriously? You couldn’t even tell me?” I stayed silent, positive these were just rhetorical questions. “How long have you been there?”

“I just got here,” I told him. “Look, I- I have to go.”

“For fuck’s sake, Delaney,” John grumbled.

I swallowed hard. “I have to go.”

I hung up and headed back to the house. I helped make dinner and set the table, then promptly went to bed after cleaning up. Kennedy tried calling back a few times but when I refused to answer, he got the hint and the calls stopped.

I listened to all of the voicemails and curled up in the sheets of my bed. It all began to settle with me that I was being ridiculous. And in a way, I always knew I had been. John was being beyond patient with me through these confusing times and the realization was settling in – if I didn’t get my shit together soon, he would be the one leaving me. And he wouldn’t be coming back.

Morning came all too soon and I borrowed the car to pick up my parents and Kaden at the airport. When we got back to the house, my mom and grandma instantly started arguing – after all this time, they still hadn’t seen or talked to each other since I was first shipped out here.

“You okay, Laney?” Dad asked, looking at me over his shoulder. He finished making a sandwich for Kaden then walked over to us. I held Kaden in my arms, his little arms wrapped tightly around my neck. I felt bad that I hadn’t spent as much time with him lately but I could sense that this arguing was too much for him to handle.

“Just.. Things with John,” I replied. Kaden pulled away from me so he could look sternly at me.

“Where is John?” he asked.

I sighed and looked from Kaden to our dad. He looked concerned, the sight making me sigh again. “Can we go for a walk?” I asked. “I need some advice.”

He nodded and wrapped a warm arm around my shoulders, guiding me outside. We walked for a while, and I eventually put Kaden down so he could explore. When he ran ahead of us to see the horses, I sighed heavily and let my shoulders fall.

“What’s going on, Lane?” Dad asked softly. “Talk to me.”

I looked up at him and decided then that I had to be honest. I needed to be completely honest with myself and everyone else. “How’d you know you were ready to marry mom?”

He exhaled deeply, almost in relief. “I could have sworn you were going to say you were pregnant.”

I chuckled, shaking my head. “No, definitely not. Just curious about marriage. You know Lex and Loren just got married.”

He eyed me seriously for a moment before his facial features softened. “I guess I knew this day would come. Mom and I weren’t ready for marriage. We married young, baby, and it was a struggle for a while. We.. We just weren’t ready. But did that stop us? Certainly not. We loved each other when we got married and we still love each other to this date. Some of our toughest times have brought us that much closer.”

“But how did you know it would be alright?” I questioned. “I mean, you must’ve wanted to call it quits a few times, right? You’ve been together for a long time.”

He shrugged, resting his elbows against the wooden rails of the fence. “When you love someone, you don’t have to worry about whether it will last forever or not. You trust that it will and you put faith in that. When couples start to worry and stress over whether or not they’re going to be compatible 20 years down the road – that’s when things start falling apart.”

I pursed my lips in thought. “How did you know you were in love?”

He smiled. “When I started asking myself these questions, I knew. Mom was the answer to all of my questions. She still is.”

I looked at him and smiled. He was watching the horses now, losing himself in memories. I knew that John was the answer to all of my questions – I just needed to figure out how to accept that fact. I needed to be able to permanently give all of myself to him, and not run away scared when I felt myself falling.