This Dream Isn't Done

“Wake up, Ash,” Alex whispers, gently shaking me.
“No,” I groan and his lips press to my shoulder.
“Come on, babe,” he says, “we have a flight to catch.”
I roll over and look at him, “let’s miss it.”
He chuckles and kisses me, “we can’t.”
“Let’s just live here.”
“As much as I want to say yes,” he smiles, “we can’t. We have our lives back there.”
I sigh, “convince me.”
“There’s no time,” he complains as he smiles.
I roll my eyes and kiss him before getting out of bed and getting ready. We pack up our stuff and head off to the airport and I feel a little bad for not seeing Richard to say goodbye. We reach our flight and I practically rest the way home. We reach home and I spend the night with Alex.
I hear buzzing and I sit up, looking around to realize it’s morning. I see Alex isn’t in bed with me and I hear the shower running. I look over on the nightstand to see Alex’s phone buzzing. I reach for it and see he has a new text. I go to close the phone but I accidently hit open. I look up at the bathroom and then to the phone.

Matt sent 10:43 am:

Hey, man! How was the trip?

I smile, haven’t seen or spoken to Matt in forever. I reply back with ‘good’. The phone buzzes a couple seconds later.

Matt sent 10:44 am:

Did Renee have a good time?

I stare at the phone, not sure if I read it right. Renee? I close the phone, putting it back as I try to figure it out. Then it hits me. I bolt up, grabbing my clothes and getting dressed. I grab my bags and without one word to Alex, I rush home. I fight back the urge of tears as I run inside my apartment building. I don’t even see Liam when I run into him.
“What’s wrong?” Liam asks taking hold of me.
I look away, “nothing. Just tired.”
“Ashlynn, you’re crying.”
“I am?” I ask feeling under my eyes. I am.
“What happened?” He asks.
I sigh, “it’s nothing, really.”
“Are you sure?” He asks quietly.
I nod, “I just want to go to my apartment.”
“Okay. If you want to talk, I’ll be back in a couple minutes.”
“Thanks,” I say and rush upstairs.
I get inside my apartment and drop my stuff. I collapse on my couch and my phone starts ringing. I look at it, of course it’s Alex. I ignore it. I get up, unpacking my stuff, cleaning clothes, showering and eating. Alex continues to try to call me and the last time I hear him call, I answer.
“Hello?”
“Where are you?”
“At home.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
“Because you didn’t.”
“What?”
I sigh, “check your phone, then talk to me.”
I hang up but I feel a little guilty. In fifteen minutes, there’s a knock at my door. I walk over to answer it, sure it’s Liam checking in.
“I can explain,” Alex says as soon as it’s open.
“Go away,” I say beginning to shut it but he stops it.
“Please,” he says.
“I don’t owe you that,” I say.
“I know but I owe you an explanation.”
I stare at him and sigh, moving aside to let him in. I shut the door and turn around, crossing my arms over my chest.
“I planned the trip last month with Renee,” he begins.
“That’s nice,” I roll my eyes.
He ignores me, “but it wasn’t because I wanted to go with her, I just wanted to escape from things,” he sighs looking down, “when I booked everything, I imagined that it was you I was going with.”
“But it was her.”
“I know,” he says, “I’m sorry.”
I shake my head, “were you going to tell me?”
“If I had to,” he whispers, “it seemed pointless.” Pointless!?
“If you had to?”
“Like now,” he says, “since you found out.”
I sigh, “Alex, you’re not making this better.”
“I know. I’m just," he sighs and looks at me, "I'm really sorry."
"Why did you decide to go with me?”
“The same reason I’ve been giving you,” he says moving closer, “because I love you.”
“I can’t just forgive you,” I whisper, “you booked a trip with some other girl and lied to me to go with you.”
“I’m sorry, Ash,” he says, I know he means it, “I would have it so I was with you at the time.”
I look down, not sure what to say or do.
“Isn’t this kind of foolish to fight over?” He asks.
I glance up at him, “you would feel the same if you were in my position.”
He sighs, “so what then? What we had in France never happened?”
“It did, of course. But things are a little different now.”
“Why can’t we just ignore this?” He asks as he takes my hand, “I don’t want to fight with you.”
I sigh, “we aren’t fighting. I just don’t know what to do.”
“Move pass this,” he says and he presses my hand to his chest, “remember how much fun we had. How much we care for each other.”
“Alex,” I whisper but his lips press to mine.
I sigh and pull back, “please, just go.”
Our hands drop and he stares at me, “you’re really going to let this ruin things between us?”
I shake my head, “I’m leaving for tour tomorrow anyways for 2 months so maybe this will be a good break.”
“A break?”
“Alex, you lied to me, at least let me have my tour, guve me some space and we can work on things when I get back.”
“I’ve told you that I would wait for you, you asked me to and I have been,” he says, growing annoyed, “I can’t wait years for you, Ash, I want something but I don’t want to waste my days waiting around trying to be with you if you keep breaking things off when we just start to date.”
“If you really wanted me,” I say quietly, “you would wait.”
“I have been!” He exclaims, “my point is that if you don’t want me, tell me, I can’t continue to wait years for this.”
I look down, “then stop.”
“Stop what? Stop wanting you? I can’t just stop my feelings,” he says.
“I never said you would have to wait years,” I reply, “if you can move on, go ahead.”
He stares at me, “so what? Is this officially over?”
“What do you think?” I whisper. I don't want this to end.
“I fucking hope it’s not. After everything I’ve tried,” he says pulling back, “I’ll be pissed if I went through this just to sleep with you. I told you from the start, I wanted a relationship with you.”
“I don’t want it to be,” I say quietly, “but can we please start this after tour?”
“Will we actually?”
I nod a little. He cups my face, his brown eyes staring into mine.
“Good,” he whispers, “because I want you so bad.”
His lips press gently to mine and I kiss him back a little. We slowly part and his forehead rests against mine. I pull away.
“I’ll see you after tour,” I say quietly, moving my gaze from him before I fall completely weak.
He sighs in frustration and I give him a small kiss on the cheek. He pulls away and he heads out as I remain still. I want you, too.
“Is it so hard to say out loud?” I mutter to myself as I head to my bedroom to pack.
Am I being a child...? Is this not a valid reason to be hurt and upset? Should I just brush this under the rug and tell Alex everything is fine even though I don't fully believe it is?[/] I shake my head as I try to keep my mind occupied. I'm sorry, Alex.