The Monster in Me

Miami was a lot hotter than I'd expected. No matter, I was prepared with a suitcase full of tank tops and shorts. I could feel the light fabric of my shirt, sticking to my back as I carried my things up the stairs to my new apartment. This would be it. I'd already filed my transfer papers and would be starting my new job at the Miami Metro Police Department tomorrow as their assistant medical examiner. I could fix this. I needed to, because I couldn't forget it. The memory of how it felt, how I couldn't help but to enjoy it... it was unlike anything I'd ever experienced before.

I was not a murderer though. I have standards, but doesn't everyone? Convincing myself of this was simple; Ryan was a killer. If I had stayed with him any longer, I probably would have been his first victim. It would have only been a matter of time before the beatings turned into serious injuries... and then there was the part of me that liked it. The feel of his large hands, gripping my throat, the swelling behind my eyes as my airway was forced closed. There was a part of me that liked it...

"Hey, you just moving in?" I looked back at the man whom had just spoken. He was tall, dark haired, clearly Cuban heritage. I suppose I should get used to it, there were many Cuban's in Miami. I didn't mind.

I was then forced to throw on a smile. That was something else that had changed when Ryan died. It was as if someone had flipped a switch, shutting down all of my emotions. Was it because I'd loved Ryan? Had I loved him? No, and a part of me knew that I never could love him, even from the beginning.

"Yeah, just moved down from New York. I guess you'll be my new neighbor then?" The man laughed, reaching to take the box out of my hands and into only one of his. Big hands... Just like the ones I'd hacked away from Ryan-what was I thinking? I currently had a guest. It was no time to be morbid.

"Terrence." His hand dominated mine, nearly twice the size of my palm.

"Jean." I politely shook his hand. It was the normal thing to do. Correct?

"If you need any help, I could bring some of your things up for you." Terrence had a big smile, greatly complimenting his fairly large, pearly teeth. He was a man of business, probably looking for a little wife to settle down with in the suburbs and have kids. I could tell this, from his khaki shorts. He was anything but a threat. I couldn't see myself being robbed by a guy in mandals.

"Nah, you know... actually, I'm almost done." He frowned slightly, setting the box down just inside my door. "Thank you though, maybe next time."

"Oh, so you aren't planning on staying long then?" One thing I could not stand, were people who asked a lot of questions. It was simply a means of making small talk, which was another thing I wasn't very fond of.

"Not, sure yet." Wrong answer. It was clear he was taking this as a flirtatious remark, opening up a whole other window of opportunities for him. He opened his mouth to speak, "But, I better go get the rest of my things. It was nice to meet you..."

"Terrence."

"Right, Terrence." I hadn't forgotten his name, in fact I was rather good with names. It was my way of showing a lack of interest, therefore getting him out of my new apartment and back to his own.

"Well, if you ever need anything Jean, I'll be right next door." Obviously.

"Thank you." And he was gone with a wave.

I hadn't been lying when I'd told Terrence that I was almost done. Setting down my last box, I took the time to fully take in my new home. It was a small apartment, just big enough for me, no central air, vintage built-in bookshelf. I could live with it.