I'll Be Damned If You're the Death of Me

"Bekah, wake up." Danny was sitting on the side of the couch. I jumped and got up.

Danny gave me a confused look. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." I started to walk off but he grabbed my hand.

"No you're not. What's wrong?"

"Do you not remember what happened before you left?"

"....No?"

"Do you remember anything that happened at all today?"

"Not really..."

"You got fucking pissed off that I threw some of your drugs away. And then you took off in my car for 4 hours and came back and forced me to have sex with you. It was so bad that I started to fucking bleed. I told you to stop, but you didn't. And then you got up and left."

"Are you fucking serious?"

I showed him my wrists. "Serious."

He brought his hand to my cheek and I cringed. "I'm sorry. I don't remember any of it."

"Figures." I started to walk off.

"I brought you some food."

"I'm not hungry."

"Will you please eat? For me?"

"Did you leave any gas in my car?"

"I filled it up on my way home."

"Well I'm going to see Brooklyn. I'll be back."

Danny sighed and I walked out to my car.

I drove to Ben's and knocked on the door.

Brooklyn answered it wearing only a shirt and underwear. I'm guessing it was Kool-Aid or something she had all over her mouth.

"Brooklyn Leigh! Wear are your clothes?!"

She shrugged. "I missed you!"

"Where's your dad?"

She pointed to his room and I proceeded in there. It looks like James was the only one here, and he was asleep.

I grabbed a pillow and hit him with it.

"AGH!" He jumped and fell of the bed. "FUCK, BEKAH!"

I was laughing. "Why are you asleep when no one else is here to watch your daughter? She's running around the place half naked and answering the door!"

"I'm fucking tired! She had me up all fucking night!"

"Now you know how I feel. She does that sometimes. I think she has insomnia."

"What happen to your wrists?"

"Where are Brooklyn's clothes?" James got off the bed and opened a dresser drawer and threw a pair of shorts at me. I slipped them on Brooklyn and licked my thumb, wiping her mouth.

"Mama, stop!"

"You're dirty! Has she had a bath?"

James shook his head. "That's weird."

"She's your daughter. And she HAS to have one. Every night, if possible."

James shrugged and I rolled my eyes. I went into the bathroom and started to run the water.

I bathed Brooklyn and then lifted her up in a towel and went and sat on the couch. She was soaking wet, but I knew she would fall asleep if I just let her lay on me after she had been cleaned. She always did. She had her head on my shoulder, and then her breathing became very slow and even. She hung her mouth open like James did when she slept. I got up and laid her on James' bed, put her in a big shirt and underwear and put her under the covers. I cut the light out and cracked the door.

"You're a good mom, Bekah. Don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise."

"Well, if I'm gonna do it, I should go ahead and do it right, ya know? She's the only kid there's gonna be for me, anyways. She wasn't even supposed to happen. But I'm kind of glad she did. Who knows what path I would have went down if I had never had her. Would I have followed Danny down that drug path? Who fucking knows."

"How is Danny anyways?"

"Fine."

"We leave for tour in a week."

"Great."

"Are you sure you and Danny are doing okay? Are you sure he didn't do that to you?"

"I fell."

"On hands that left a print?"

"Mhm."

James groaned. "Why do you do this to yourself? You deserve so much better."

"I love him."

"More than Brooklyn?"

"Of course not! I will never love anyone more than that little girl."

"And that's how it should be. If I found out he's fucking abusing you, I swear."

"He's not."

"You better not be lying to me."