When September Ends
Frustration Makes Him Crazy
[[ Billie's POV]]
After the boys had gone to bed that night, I thought it may be the right time to tell Adrienne. I opened my mouth several times as we watched yet another re-run of Friends
"I'm going up to bed, you coming?" she asked, stifling a yawn
"I'll be up soon" I replied, checking the digital clock that read 11:35pm
"Okay" she replied kissing me softly and walking up the stairs.
I leaned back against the couch and covered my face with my hands, sighing deeply.
I got up and went out the back to have a cigarette. The chilled Californian air clearing my senses.
"What do I do, Dad? How do I tell her? The kids? Mike and Tré? I have no fucking idea.
I'm scared, Dad, what's it really like to...die? I said out loud, speaking to my father, tears rolling down my cheeks.
I slammed my back against the wall and slid down to the ground. All my tears of anger, sadness, frustration came pouring out, stinging my eyes.
Lashing out in fear I punched the wall, not noticing the pain. This pain was nothing compared to the pain of leaving my family behind.
I had never been so scared in all my life. To know you're going to die is the worst feeling I have ever felt, especially with not knowing how my family will cope with it all when I am gone. I was walking into the unknown, and I didn't like it one bit.
I stumped my cigarette out and went back into the house locking the door behind me. I crept up the stairs and immediately turned left to Jakob's room. Peaking through the gap in the door.
I crept in silently and sat on the floor beside his bed.
"Daddy won't be around soon" I said to him
"Promise you'll help look after Mommy?" I asked him as he slept silently.
"I'm sorry. I love you" I said kissing his forhead before sneaking out and heading to Joey's room.
I opened the door quietly and looked in. He was sat on his window ledge looking out the window.
"Joey, what are you doing awake?" I asked closing the door behind me.
"I-I heard you crying. Is everything okay?" he asked looking at me with saddened eyes.
"Everything is fine" I lied, sitting next to him.
"Are you and Mom splitting up?" he asked.
"No, no of course not" I replied.
"I love you, Dad" he said hugging me.
"I love you too Buddy" I said kissing the top of his head.
"I'm going to bed goodnight" He said jumping down and climbing into bed.
"Night son" I said leaving his room and closing the door behind me.
I walked across the hall to mine and Adie's room and slipped my clothes off and got into bed beside her.
I cuddled up to her warm body and kissed her forehead lightly.
"I'm so sorry" I whispered.
After the boys had gone to bed that night, I thought it may be the right time to tell Adrienne. I opened my mouth several times as we watched yet another re-run of Friends
"I'm going up to bed, you coming?" she asked, stifling a yawn
"I'll be up soon" I replied, checking the digital clock that read 11:35pm
"Okay" she replied kissing me softly and walking up the stairs.
I leaned back against the couch and covered my face with my hands, sighing deeply.
I got up and went out the back to have a cigarette. The chilled Californian air clearing my senses.
"What do I do, Dad? How do I tell her? The kids? Mike and Tré? I have no fucking idea.
I'm scared, Dad, what's it really like to...die? I said out loud, speaking to my father, tears rolling down my cheeks.
I slammed my back against the wall and slid down to the ground. All my tears of anger, sadness, frustration came pouring out, stinging my eyes.
Lashing out in fear I punched the wall, not noticing the pain. This pain was nothing compared to the pain of leaving my family behind.
I had never been so scared in all my life. To know you're going to die is the worst feeling I have ever felt, especially with not knowing how my family will cope with it all when I am gone. I was walking into the unknown, and I didn't like it one bit.
I stumped my cigarette out and went back into the house locking the door behind me. I crept up the stairs and immediately turned left to Jakob's room. Peaking through the gap in the door.
I crept in silently and sat on the floor beside his bed.
"Daddy won't be around soon" I said to him
"Promise you'll help look after Mommy?" I asked him as he slept silently.
"I'm sorry. I love you" I said kissing his forhead before sneaking out and heading to Joey's room.
I opened the door quietly and looked in. He was sat on his window ledge looking out the window.
"Joey, what are you doing awake?" I asked closing the door behind me.
"I-I heard you crying. Is everything okay?" he asked looking at me with saddened eyes.
"Everything is fine" I lied, sitting next to him.
"Are you and Mom splitting up?" he asked.
"No, no of course not" I replied.
"I love you, Dad" he said hugging me.
"I love you too Buddy" I said kissing the top of his head.
"I'm going to bed goodnight" He said jumping down and climbing into bed.
"Night son" I said leaving his room and closing the door behind me.
I walked across the hall to mine and Adie's room and slipped my clothes off and got into bed beside her.
I cuddled up to her warm body and kissed her forehead lightly.
"I'm so sorry" I whispered.