When September Ends
I promise you this, a little's enough
"It can't be too late" said Adrienne, the tears streaming down her face.
"It is. What am I going to tell the kids?" I asked.
"I don't know. But you do have to tell them. It's wrong if you don't. Joey already knows something is up, he's a smart kid" she said.
"Just like his mother then" I said, pulling Adrienne in for a soft kiss on the lips.
***
It was later in the afternoon and Adie had sat the kids on the couch so I could talk to them. She left the room after kissing me on the cheek.
"Right okay. Daddy has something he wants to tell you guys" I started.
"Is this what was on your mind?" asked Joey
"Yeah, yeah it is" I said nodding. I pulled them both onto my lap.
"Now daddy has like a disease. This disease is telling daddy that he has to leave in a few months. And it means daddy won't be around anymore" I said, struggling to find the best way to put it to them.
"We won't have a daddy anymore?" asked Jakob, craning his neck to look at me.
"Not unless mommy gets a new one" I said, the thought of Adrienne with another man killed but, I want her to be happy.
"But I like this one" said Jakob.
"You okay Joey?" I asked.
"Yeah" he mumbled.
"Well go and play before dinner" I said. Jakob jumped up and ran to the playroom.
"You're dying aren't you?" Joey asked.
"Yes Joey, I am. I'm sorry" I said pulling him into a hug as he started to cry.
"I don't want you to die dad. Why do you have to die?" he asked.
"I don't know Joey. It's everybody's time to die at some point and mine has just come sooner than expected." I said, wiping the tears off his face.
"I always thought you would be around forever." he said.
"I will, in here" I said touching his chest where his heart was.
"Those that you really love and that love you never leave you. They will always be in your heart" I said, trying not to cry myself.
"Even when I am not here, and you still need help, just talk to me and I promise I'll give you the help you need." I said to him.
"I don't want you to leave dad! You can't leave me and Jakob and mom! What about mom? I don't want her to get married and have a stupid step father!" he said.
"Joey don't get angry. When I leave, you need to be strong, you need to be the man around the house and look after mom and Jakob for me, please?" I asked him because, I knew, despite him being 11, he would take care of them for me.
"Course I will dad. I do when you go on tour." he said.
"And I could never repay you for that" I said, giving him a kiss.
"I love you dad" he said, wiping away more tears.
"I love you too Joey, I love you too"
***
I was rather glad that Jakob didn't understand I was dying. It was probably best not to tell him properly, not until the time comes. I was to go and see the doctor again tomorrow. Make sure there is no chance of therapy and to see how long I do have if I can't fight it. I walked into mine and Adrienne's bedroom and got undressed.
"I want you to know something" I said to Adie as I slipped into bed beside her.
"What?" she asked, wrapping her arms around me.
"When I die, I want you to move on. Find someone. Don't grieve, it'll only make it harder to meet someone. But promise me one thing?" I asked.
"Anything BJ" she said.
"Make sure he's not a dickhead that will upset the kids. Check with the kids before moving anyone in" I said. As much as it hurt to say it, I wanted her to move on.
"I don't want to forget you Billie Joe. I want you to be the only one there ever was, I don't want to get married to anyone else" she said, crying again. I rested my forehead against hers.
"Well promise me if you do find some you'll go for it?" I asked her.
"I promise" she whispered.
She looked into my eyes and I looked into hers. It brought a flashback, a memory.
Me and Adrienne came out of Starbucks. We had gone for a coffee after our date. I walked her back to her friends front door, the place she was staying.
"Thanks for a great night Billie Joe" she said blushing.
"You deserve it" I said smiling.
"Do you want to meet up again tomorrow?" she asked.
"Sure, I'll come by and pick you up before lunch" I said.
"Sounds great" she said.
We stared into each other's eyes. She got closer, closer, closer. I could have counted her eyelashes. I moved that centimeter closer and our lips connected in a tender kiss. Our first kiss.
Again, I moved that centimeter closer, and kissed her sweetly.
"I love you Billie Joe" she said as we broke apart.
"I love you too Adie"
"It is. What am I going to tell the kids?" I asked.
"I don't know. But you do have to tell them. It's wrong if you don't. Joey already knows something is up, he's a smart kid" she said.
"Just like his mother then" I said, pulling Adrienne in for a soft kiss on the lips.
***
It was later in the afternoon and Adie had sat the kids on the couch so I could talk to them. She left the room after kissing me on the cheek.
"Right okay. Daddy has something he wants to tell you guys" I started.
"Is this what was on your mind?" asked Joey
"Yeah, yeah it is" I said nodding. I pulled them both onto my lap.
"Now daddy has like a disease. This disease is telling daddy that he has to leave in a few months. And it means daddy won't be around anymore" I said, struggling to find the best way to put it to them.
"We won't have a daddy anymore?" asked Jakob, craning his neck to look at me.
"Not unless mommy gets a new one" I said, the thought of Adrienne with another man killed but, I want her to be happy.
"But I like this one" said Jakob.
"You okay Joey?" I asked.
"Yeah" he mumbled.
"Well go and play before dinner" I said. Jakob jumped up and ran to the playroom.
"You're dying aren't you?" Joey asked.
"Yes Joey, I am. I'm sorry" I said pulling him into a hug as he started to cry.
"I don't want you to die dad. Why do you have to die?" he asked.
"I don't know Joey. It's everybody's time to die at some point and mine has just come sooner than expected." I said, wiping the tears off his face.
"I always thought you would be around forever." he said.
"I will, in here" I said touching his chest where his heart was.
"Those that you really love and that love you never leave you. They will always be in your heart" I said, trying not to cry myself.
"Even when I am not here, and you still need help, just talk to me and I promise I'll give you the help you need." I said to him.
"I don't want you to leave dad! You can't leave me and Jakob and mom! What about mom? I don't want her to get married and have a stupid step father!" he said.
"Joey don't get angry. When I leave, you need to be strong, you need to be the man around the house and look after mom and Jakob for me, please?" I asked him because, I knew, despite him being 11, he would take care of them for me.
"Course I will dad. I do when you go on tour." he said.
"And I could never repay you for that" I said, giving him a kiss.
"I love you dad" he said, wiping away more tears.
"I love you too Joey, I love you too"
***
I was rather glad that Jakob didn't understand I was dying. It was probably best not to tell him properly, not until the time comes. I was to go and see the doctor again tomorrow. Make sure there is no chance of therapy and to see how long I do have if I can't fight it. I walked into mine and Adrienne's bedroom and got undressed.
"I want you to know something" I said to Adie as I slipped into bed beside her.
"What?" she asked, wrapping her arms around me.
"When I die, I want you to move on. Find someone. Don't grieve, it'll only make it harder to meet someone. But promise me one thing?" I asked.
"Anything BJ" she said.
"Make sure he's not a dickhead that will upset the kids. Check with the kids before moving anyone in" I said. As much as it hurt to say it, I wanted her to move on.
"I don't want to forget you Billie Joe. I want you to be the only one there ever was, I don't want to get married to anyone else" she said, crying again. I rested my forehead against hers.
"Well promise me if you do find some you'll go for it?" I asked her.
"I promise" she whispered.
She looked into my eyes and I looked into hers. It brought a flashback, a memory.
Me and Adrienne came out of Starbucks. We had gone for a coffee after our date. I walked her back to her friends front door, the place she was staying.
"Thanks for a great night Billie Joe" she said blushing.
"You deserve it" I said smiling.
"Do you want to meet up again tomorrow?" she asked.
"Sure, I'll come by and pick you up before lunch" I said.
"Sounds great" she said.
We stared into each other's eyes. She got closer, closer, closer. I could have counted her eyelashes. I moved that centimeter closer and our lips connected in a tender kiss. Our first kiss.
Again, I moved that centimeter closer, and kissed her sweetly.
"I love you Billie Joe" she said as we broke apart.
"I love you too Adie"
♠ ♠ ♠
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