When September Ends

I hardly slept a wink last night. I think Adrienne was just as awake as me, tossing and turning all night. I looked at the digital clock on the television that read 6.12AM. I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair.
I looked down at Adie, wrapped in my arms. She had red rings around her eyes from lack of sleep. She was breathing heavily now however, letting me know she was asleep.

"I love you so much. So, so much" I whispered, running my hand up and down her back.

I lay staring at her for a while longer, the sun peaking in through a gap in the curtains. I could hear the bids singing, a faint sound of a dog barking and the distant roar of traffic. I lay perfectly still, taking in all the sounds that I hadn't really took much notice to in the past.
I heard the sound of a door squeaking open down the hall way and the pad of little feet running down the landing. I listened carefully when the bedroom door cracked open and Jakob popped his head in.

"Daddy?" he whispered

"Yeah, Buddy?" I replied as he came in the room.

"I can't sleep" he said as he climbed into bed beside me

"How come?" I asked, putting my free arm around me as he curled up into my side.
"I just kept thinking about you having to leave" he whispered "Why do you have to leave?" he whimpered, his eyes filling with tears.

"I'm not very well Jake, I have to go to heaven like Grandpa Andy and like Joey's old fish"

"You're going to sleep forever?" he asked, looking up at me curiously

"Yeah, I am buddy" I replied, holdiing back the tears that were beginning to choke me up.

"I promise, I'll wake you up. Every day then you won't stay asleep forever"

"Thanks Buddy, I love you so much" I said squeezing him tight.
I lay there hugging him tight and we both drifted off to sleep.

I looked around unfocused, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. It was nearly 11AM. I looked beside me to see that Jakob was still there, sound asleep and Adrienne had been replaced by a softly snoring Joey. I smiled to myself as Adrienne came in with a tray of food.

"I thought my boys would be getting hungry" she said, setting the tray down on the bedside table as Joey and Jakob began to stir.
I kissed Adie as she settled on the bed beside us, handing us all some toast.

"I got kicked outta bed by Joey at 7AM" she giggled, ruffling Joey's hair.

"Yeah, he likes to hog the bed" I laughed

"BIt like this guy I know" she laughed, prodding me in the arm

"Ouch!" I yelped

"Oh! Billie, I'm sorry I didn't mean to hurt you" she panicked

"Got ya" I laughed "It didn't hurt babe. You're so weak, you couldn't hurt a fly"

"Says you who screams like a girl and the smallest of spiders?" she replied, cocking an eyebrow

"Meh, they're creepy looking" I said shrugging my shoulders.

"Hey Dad can we do something fun today?" Joey asked

"Well I gotta go to the doctors for one but sure, we can do something after, what do you wanna do?" I asked.

"I don't mind, I just want us all to have fun today" he replied, staring down into the bowl of cereal he was poking around at.

"What's up Joe?" I asked "You seem a little... down?" of course, I understood perfectly well what was wrong with him but, he couldn't just bottle it up, he'd be like a time bomb otherwise.

"Nuthin'" he replied, setting his bowl down and leaving the room.

I looked at Adrienne, asking what I should do. She gave me a weak smile.

"I'll go talk to him" I sighed

"Billie, I'd leave it for now, he needs some thinking time. He'll be fine when you get back" she said, rubbing her hand up and down my back.

"Hey Jake, go get in the shower now please" Adie said, as she could see I was on the brink of tears.

He pranced out of the room and I could hear him running down the hall to the bathroom.

"BIllie?"

I couldn't hold on any longer, I burst out crying, grabbing any part of Adrienne I could, pulling her as close as i possibly could to me.

"I can't do this anymore. Why me? Why us? It's not fair" I cried

"I know Billie Joe, I know" she replied, cradling me in her arms like a baby as I cried. I felt like a baby right now, vulberable and needy except, I wouldn't grow out of this.

Joey came into the room and I felt Adrienne move off the bed and a smaller weight sat down beside me.

"Can I come with you, to the doctor?" Joey asked, attempting to look me in the eye. I turned away not wanting him to see what a wreck I was.

"Not this time Buddy, maybe next time" I mumbled into the pillow.

"Please Dad, I want to come. I want to help you" he said throwing his arms around my waist.

"Okay" I replied pulling him closer.

*
We stepped into the doctors surgery and toook a seat in the waiting room. Joey looked around curiously as if he'd never been here before, swinging his legs to and fro as his feet didn't quite reach the floor. He looke at me and gave me an encouraging smile.

"You can just wait here if you don't want to come in Joe" I said to him.

"No I wanna come, I want to." he replied.

We sat in silence for the next 10 minutes until my name was finally called. Joey led the way into the office and took a seat. I sat down beside him as the doctor took his seat behind his desk.

"Hello Mr Armstrong and..?"

"Joey" Joey answered.

"Nice to meet you Joey" he said, smiling at him.

"Now Mr Armstrong, I've looked at every option possible and although the cancer is fatal, it isn't so far progressed that you will be gone next month. I would say you have at least two years however, this is a vicious disease. It just depends how your body handles it" he explained. I looked over at Joey who was listening intently, I could see his mind ticking over, working it all out.

"It is definately fatal?" I choked

"I'm afraid so"

"So there's nothing you can do to save him?" Joey spat. The doctor looked taken aback.

"This is my Dad and you're saying you can't help him when it's your job to help him. Can't you just try?!" he yelled, jumping up out of his seat and running out the door. It took me a second to take in what was happening.

"He'll be waiting at the car. I'm sorry about the doctor" I whispered, in shock.

"Don't be sorry, the boy is right. It is my job. I will do everything in my power to try and put you in remission Mr Armstrong. For the sake of you and your family. Normally when it's too late, it's too late but I'll be damned if I'm going to give up. I'll be in touch later this week Mr Armstrong. Go and spend time with your family" he said, taking off his glasses and cleaning them with a Kleenex.

"Thank you doctor" I said, slipping out the door.

I got to the car and Joey wasn't there. I began to panic, wondering where he would have gone. I pulled out my cellphone and punched in Adie's number.

"Adrienne, get down here quickly. It's Joey" I said, panicked

"Oh, God, I'm on my way I will be there in five" she replied hurriedly as the phone clicked off.

I sat down on the floor next to my car with my head in my hands, wondering where on God's earth Joey could be. Adrienne was here within five minutes but it felt like five hours.

"What happened?" she asked, holding back tears as Jakob looked on from the backseat of the car.

"He had an outburst at the doctor and ran off. I thought he'd be waiting right here by the car and he wasn't" I replied.

"Well we need to find him" she spat.

Jakob got out the car and came over.

"What's happening?" he asked, looking between us.

"Joey is a bit upset, he's gone somewhere and we don't know where so we're going to need your help to find him" I explained

"Okay. Can I come with you Dad?" he asked.

"No Jakob, you're coming with me, I don't want both my sons lost" she retorted, jumping into her car as Jakob looked back sadly.

I got into my car and searched around the streets and parks of Oakland, with no luck. I cried the whole time, thinking this was all my fault. Knowing this was all my fault. At 8PM when I finally returned home. The house was in darkness, completely empty. I looked around for him in the house but there was nothing.

Adrienne and Jakob came in not long after me.

"Any luck?" I asked hopefully

"Does it look like it Billie? Does it really fucking look like it?!" she yelled as Jakob ran upstairs and slammed his bedroom door shut.

"Sorry" I whispered, hanging my head in shame.

"Y'know this is all your fault. If he hadn't gone to the damn doctors with you in the first place. If you hadn't been dying in the first place." she spat. It hurt. It really fuckin' hurt.

"I'm gonna call the police, report him missing." I said, getting up to find the phone.

"Oh no you don't" Adrienne said, snatching it out my hand.

"This is all your fault so you're gonna go out there and search for him all night. You don't come back here till you have him with you. I will call the police. Now go!" she yelled

"Adie please" I said, moving closer trying to put my hands on her waist. She pushed me hard.

"Go" she said turning her back.

I left dejectedly, trawling the streets of Oakland again, looking for any sign of my boy. Nothing.

It was 4AM when I dared venture home. The lights were still on downstairs adn I could just make out Adrienne pacing back and forth. I sat in the car waiting, not daring to go in. I let the tears fall one more time before I took a deep breath and plunged right into the deep end.

Her head snapped up as soon as the door opened.

"Have you found him?!" she asked, trying to look past me

"No I'm sorry Adrienne. Leave it to the police, they will find him." I said, slinging my jacket on the back of the chair.

"You can sleep in the guest room" she said as I turned for the stairs.

I headed into the guest room and some how drifted into an uneasy sleep, plagued with dreams about Joey and him never coming back.

When I woke up later that morning, I stretched, only to hit something. I looked to my left and there was Joey, curled up in a tight ball, sound asleep.