Friends, Lovers, or Nothing

It was weird; saying goodbye to my mom and step-dad and leaving Boston this time around was harder. I wasn’t expecting it to be so difficult, especially because I was so excited to see Max and my dad and Hanna and all of the guys, but it was. Maybe it was because I knew what, or rather who was waiting for me back in England this time. Maybe it was because after a year, I had no idea what to expect out of said person. Maybe I never did.

Regardless, it was completely different this time around.

After we checked in and got our boarding tickets, and once we got through security and found our gate, and after we finally boarded our plane, Danielle was practically jumping out of her skin in excitement.

“Can you believe this? We’re going to England. You and me, on a plane, in transit to England. This is amazing!”

I just laughed at her over excitement because while I was excited, my excitement was different and it in no way, shape, or form matched Dan’s.

“Why aren’t you more excited?” she asked while I dug through my purse for my iPod now that we were in the air. I had flown this route twice before, and I knew how long it took. I was prepared with books, a fully charged iPod, and my computer to use the in-flight wi-fi.

“I am excited, Danielle. I’m just reserving my excitement for once the flight is over, because it’s a long ass flight girlfriend.”

She stuck her tongue out at me and fell back in her seat. “You’re no fun,” she pouted, and I just shook my head in amusement. I could tell this was going to be a long flight.

***

“British Airways Flight 938 to London, England will be landing shortly. Please return your trays and seats to the up-right position. The weather outside is a cool thirty-two degrees Fahrenheit and it’s currently cloudy. The local time is five thirty-two PM. On behalf of your pilot and flight attendants, we want to thank you for flying British Airwaves, and we hope you enjoyed your flight.”

I nudged Danielle, who had fallen asleep about an hour ago and returned my seat to it’s upright position. “Are we landing?” she asked groggily as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes and stretched her arms above her head.

“Yes ma’am. Now you can be excited,” I teased her and she laughed.

It took us forever and a day to finally file off of the flight. All the while, Danielle was firing questions at me left and right. I eventually just ignored her because if I didn’t, she may not have made it off the plane. I took my phone out of my pocket and dialed Max’s number. I figured while we were trying to get off the plane, I could at least let him know we had landed and figure out where we were meeting.

“Peyt? Where are you , love?”

“On the plane still, trying to get off it. I just wanted to let you know we landed and we should be off soon, so where are we meeting?”

“We’re at the gate, I’ll be wavin’ my arms enthusiastically as soon as people start filing off okay?”

I didn’t question his “we” and instead figured I’d wait and see who was out there waiting for Danielle and I.

“Who was that?” Danielle asked as soon as I hung up.

“Max. Jesus, relax Danielle. You’re like a hyper active puppy right now. I’m afraid you’re going to pee yourself pretty soon,” I half-joked. She was acting like a freak. I mean, I was excited too, but she took excited to a whole new level.

“I’m excited, okay? I’ve never been out of the country, let alone in England before! I’m not a worldly traveler like yourself.”

“I’m not a worldly traveler, Dan. I’ve been to England once before, that’s it. That hardly qualifies me as a worldly traveler.”

She threw her hands up in exasperation. “You lived in England for months! You qualify, I promise.”

I just laughed and we continued shuffling forward.

Once we were off the plane, I spotted Max in five seconds flat. He hadn’t been kidding about the waving his arms around like a wild man bit, seeing as that was exactly what he was doing when I spotted him. Laughing, I ran towards him, tackling him in a huge hug. I’m lucky we didn’t both fall to the ground due to the force of me running into him, but by some miracle we stayed upright.

“Oh my god I’ve missed you!” I exclaimed.

He laughed. “Missed you too, love. I can’t believe you’re back!”

The smile on my face matched his at this statement. I couldn’t believe it either, but I couldn’t have been happier.

Someone cleared their throat from behind me, and when I turned I saw Danielle. “Oh god, sorry Danielle!” I stepped back and wrapped my arm around my best friend’s shoulder and smiled at Max. “Max, this is Danielle, my best friend and roommate currently.”

It was then that I noticed Dan standing behind Max as well. “Dan!” I exclaimed, hurrying to him and hugging him as well. “I didn’t even see you there. Er, I didn’t recognize you.” I reached my hand up and brushed it over his bleach blonde locks. “What the fuck did you do?” I exclaimed bluntly.

He laughed and shook his head in amusement. “I needed a little change. Don’t like it?”

I laughed too. “Oh no, it’s nice. Just completely different.” I turned back to Danielle. “This is Dan, the drummer.”

Danielle smiled and shook Dan’s hand. “Nice to meet you,” she said sweetly. “Nice to meet both of you after all I’ve heard over the past year,” she said as she faced both Max and Dan with a smile.

“Can we get out of here please? I’d like to see my dad possibly, y’know, the whole reason I’m here,” I joked, making the guys laugh.

As we walked off to find Danielle and I’s luggage, I couldn’t help but be happy to be back. Everything was clearly different, but nothing had changed at the same time. I couldn’t wait to see everyone else. And as we walked, I knew this was true. I really did mean everyone.

***

It was amazing to me how quickly Danielle warmed up to everyone. Maybe it shouldn’t have amazed me though. She was a friendly person and easily like-able, and she was my best friend so of course everyone was going to like her. I guess it just surprised me because my first time meeting everyone, it had taken me so long to warm up to the guys. I guess I was different a year ago though.

That was the truest statement of the year. A year ago, I was a completely different person from the girl I was now. The biggest difference was my lack of nightmares about Amanda. It was as if my time in England had changed everything and put it all into prospective. I didn’t feel guilty anymore. I wasn’t as shy anymore either, and I definitely didn’t close myself off from people as much anymore. I really had changed a lot.

As we—Danielle and myself plus all of the guys and my dad and Hanna, minus Chris who was doing something with his girlfriend and of course minus Josh—all sat around the table eating dinner, I couldn’t even begin to describe how nice it was to be back in England, to be back with friends and family.

“So, what do you girls plan on doing while here?”

“Shopping!” Danielle exclaimed, and I groaned.

“The absolute last thing you need is clothes, Dan.” I turned to my dad and shrugged. “Relax, I guess, considering the past three years have been nothing but working our asses off.”

“Here, here!” Danielle fake cheered enthusiastically, obviously agreeing with me.

“Other than that? We aren’t sure.” I turned to face Max, Matt, and Dan and asked them what they were up to.

“Well actually, we have a UK headlining tour coming up,” Max answered.

“Oh,” I deflated. A tour meant they weren’t going to be around. A tour meant Danielle and I were going to be spending a lot of time alone in England. “How soon?”

“What’s today?”

“The 27th,” I answered.

“The tour starts on the fifth I think. So pretty soon.”

I nodded and pushed some food around on my plate. I was disappointed, and I really didn’t want to show it, but it was a little hard.

“Wait!” Max yelled suddenly, making me jump. “What if you come with? You could help Oli with merch or help Byrony with the millions of things she’s going to have to do or something.”

Danielle smiled. “I minored in photography, so I could take some pictures each night. I mean, that may not be helpful but just a suggestion.”

“No that’d be great! Tom Barnes usually takes photos, but he’s doin’ some video stuff for us too so you could help him out with that!”

My frown instantly disappeared. “Seriously Max? Would this be okay?”

He had to have known who I was talking about. I mean, honestly. He wasn’t an idiot. But he knew Danielle had no idea about Josh and I, so luckily he didn’t come outright and say it. He just smiled. “It’ll be great, love, especially if you guys are actually doin’ somethin’, so no one can complain.”

He seemed so sure of the whole plan, but I was skeptical. Did I want to go on the tour with them? Of course I did. It wouldn’t just be loads of fun, it would be a bonding experience. But would it be a good idea? I really wasn’t sure.

When we finished with dinner, and once Danielle and I helped Hanna clean up, I finally got a few minutes alone with Max to get the truth about going on tour and how everyone was really doing. I pulled him aside while everyone went into the living room and we sat down at the kitchen table again to talk.

“Wha’s up, Peyt?”

“Are you sure this is a good idea, Max? I mean really.”

He shrugged. “It’s been a year love. He’s moved on, and so have you, yeah?”

I gulped and nodded, even though I wasn’t sure of the truth of that statement. Just because I had a year to put everything and anything Josh related out of site and out of mind didn’t mean I was over him. It just meant I had pushed it all aside to deal with at a later date. Apparently, that later date was now.

“You are over him, yeah? I mean, you’ve done nothin’ but say so for the past year whenever we’ve talked, so I’m not just dreamin’ this up right?”

I shook my head. “No, you’re right. I don’t know though, Max. I mean things just went sour so fast. Just because he moved on doesn’t mean he doesn’t still hate me.”

“Well you won’t know until you see him, yeah? So stop worryin’. You’ll go on tour with us and you’ll have a proper mental time and it’ll be brilliant.”

I nodded my head in agreement and started to say, “Yeah, you’re right,” just as I heard a knock on the front door.

And then I heard his voice practically booming throughout the house, and I felt like I was going to throw up.

Maybe things hadn’t changed after all.