Friends, Lovers, or Nothing

I could hear the doorbell ringing. It just kept ringing, incessantly, over and over again, and yet no one was tending to it. I thought that was odd. That was the first thing that popped into my mind -- how odd it was that no one was getting the door.

I finally decided it was obviously going to be my duty to get the door and so I hauled myself out of my comfy as hell bed and padded through the apartment, not caring that I was only in a pair of my underwear and an old sleep shirt.

I could almost physically feel who was on the other side, without even seeing him first. I knew as soon as my hand touched the doorknob.

As I pulled it open, only to reveal Josh in all of his glory, I was emotionless. I wasn’t happy, I wasn’t sad, I wasn’t upset, and I wasn’t angry. I was... blank. And as I stared at him and he stared at me, I realized that he was blank as well.

We were like that for awhile, just standing and staring and silent, until he finally opened his mouth. I watched as his mouth formed the letters to say my own name, but no sound came out.

He said it again and again, until suddenly, it was no longer Josh in front of me but...

“Oh my god Peyton, wake the fuck up!” she practically screamed at me.

I wanted to slap her. I wanted to slap her so hard her head spun and then I wanted to scream and then I wanted to wait until she was asleep so I could wake her up with a fucking airhorn. “I’m going to snap you in two, you skinny bitch,” I hissed, throwing my pillow over my head with a groan.

“You’ve almost slept for twenty-four hours straight, Peyton. I thought you died at one point. You have to get UP!” She finished her sentence with a piercing yell that had me throwing my pillow at her.

Without it though, I had nothing to cover my ears from her pestering, so I had to wake up. “I hate you,” I mumbled as I crawled out of my bed and made my way to the bathroom across the hall.

“I needed you to wake up!” she defended herself, her voice muffled by the door as I slammed it shut and went to the bathroom.

When I finished my quick morning routine and reappeared in the doorway, Danielle was waiting for me with a smile on her face and a cup of tea extended towards me. “Cream and two sugars, just like you like it.”

I smirked and rolled my eyes, but accepted the tea and took a sip before saying, “So why did you need to wake me up?”

“We have a lot on the best friend agenda today, Peyton! We have lots of lost time to make up for.”

I just laughed as I walked by her and headed towards the kitchen. My tea needed more cream and more sugar. No matter how many times Danielle had made suck-up tea for me, she never managed to get it right. Never enough cream, never enough sugar. But it was the thought that counted, I supposed.

I half listened as Danielle followed and continued to inform me of everything we were going to do today. “Shopping and lunch and maybe even a movie!” she exclaimed. “Then to see my grandpa later. He’s been asking about you,” she added with a smile.

I laughed and smiled. “Of course we can, Dan. I’d love nothing more.”

***

The two of us collapsed into the booth at the Chili’s in the mall before letting out accomplished sighs of relief. “I can’t believe I just shopped with you for that long,” I commented, smiling at our waiter gratefully as I took a sip of my Coke.

“I can’t either, honestly,” she added, drinking her own Sprite. “That was a huge accomplishment for you. I’m proud.”

I rolled my eyes and set my menu down, deciding on a burger and fries. “So what’s next on the agenda?”

“We eat, and then we go see my grandpa. We can go see a movie after that, maybe? I don’t know. I wasn’t expecting you to stay out this long, really.”

“This is best friend time, remember? Of course I’m still here.”

I watched as she softened considerably and smiled at me from across the table. “Have I thanked you for coming home yet? Because, well... thank you Peyton.”

I brushed her off. “Nothing to thank me for. You thought your grandpa was getting really bad, so I came home. Simple as that. Best friends, remember?” I winked as I took another sip of my drink.

“I know, I know. I just feel bad for taking you away from the guys so soon. Especially Josh...” she trailed off.

“Please, don’t. I needed to get away from them. Josh isn’t good for me, Dan. He never has been. We weren’t a healthy relationship.” It was something I kept telling myself. Sooner or later, I’d have to believe it, right?

“I don’t believe that, Peyton, but still. I’m just glad you’re here with me.”

“I am too, Danielle. I am too.”

A comfortable silence fell over us once we got our food, only talking every once and awhile to comment on how good our meal was.

I was in the midst of popping a fry into my mouth when I felt my phone going off in my pocket. I groaned before digging into the pocket of my jeans to retrieve the vibrating device. As always, I checked the caller ID before answering, and when I saw his name flash across the screen, I had a mini panic attack internally.

I didn’t want to hear from him, not now. I had put him out of my mind as much as possible now that I was with Danielle, aside from the dreams and such. But I was doing good. I really was. And now, what? He was going to call and put me off track and screw me all up again? I don’t think so.

But at the same time, I was curious. I wanted to hear from him. I wanted to hear what he had to say, especially after I had left him so dramatically in the airport.

Clearly Danielle noticed my internal debate, because she asked me what was wrong almost immediately. I looked up from my phone and said, “It’s Josh,” as if that answered her question.

“So? Answer it! Maybe he wants to confess his love for you!” she exclaimed, reaching across the table quickly so I would answer my phone. And I did, for fear that she’d do it for me if I didn’t.

“He-hello?” I stuttered, feeling like an idiot. I rolled my eyes before clearing my throat and trying again.

“Peyton?”

I felt relief flood through my entire body at the sound of my step-brother’s voice. “Max? Why are you on Josh’s phone? You just about gave me a heart attack,” I muttered, rubbing my forehead in frustration.

He laughed. “Sorry, love. My phone died.”

“Well, what’s up?”

“Just calling to see how you’re doing, how Danielle’s holding up. Haven’t heard from you in a few days so we were worried.”

I ignored his not so subtle we and shrugged. “We’re fine. Danielle’s holding up, and I’ve been sleeping a lot lately, trying to kick this jet lag, so that’s why you haven’t heard from me. Sorry, though.”

“Where are you exactly love? Never really got the chance to ask before you booked it out of England.”

“Boston, in Danielle and I’s apartment. For now, at least. I’m probably going to go home in a few days to see my mom and to be there for Christmas and stuff. I don’t know though. Everything’s kind of up in the air right now.”

“Understandably,” he added quickly. “Alright, well uh--I’ll talk to you later, Peyt. Try calling this time, yeah?” he joked.

I laughed. “Alright, bye Max.” Then, we hung up.

“He’s so fucking weird,” I remarked as I shoved my phone back into my pocket. “Like, honestly.”

Danielle laughed. “He cares about you, Peyton. It’s nice. He’s a great big brother.”

I just shrugged. Something was going on. I didn’t want to say anything to Danielle, incase I was wrong, but for some reason I felt like something was going on.

I also felt like I seriously was not going to enjoy it.

***

After a nice visit with Danielle’s grandpa, who seemed to be recovering just fine, and after a quick movie date, Dan and I headed back to the apartment. We were both beat, and it was only eight o’clock. I swear, we were an old married couple. But, we were both okay with that.

As soon as we got in the front door, Danielle dropped her bags on the ground. “Bed. Now,” she mumbled, waving off the mess she just created with all of her shopping purchases.

I didn’t even stop her as she made her way to her bedroom, throwing a goodnight her way instead. She waved back wordlessly before walking through her door, and clicking it shut for the night.

With a quiet laugh, I headed over to the couch. I was going to take full advantage of the peace and quiet that never happened. The lights were all off, aside from the glow of the TV, where Grey’s Anatomy re-runs were playing quietly. I collapsed on the couch, kicking off my Vans and curling my legs up underneath me. I mindlessly watched the TV for a little while, tuning in and out to the characters and their stories.

When the episode ended, and I felt my head nodding off in sleep, I climbed off of the couch and shut the TV off. With a stretch, I headed towards my bedroom, deciding to take advantage of the early bedtime.

As soon as I reached my bedroom door and wrapped my hand around the metal of the knob, there was a light knock at the front door. I froze, and listened carefully. Maybe it wasn’t for us. Maybe it was another apartment.

There was another knock though, this one louder, and some voices outside our door. I waited again, and at the third knock, I heard the voices question, “Maybe this isn’t the right one?”

At that, I quietly hurried down the hall and to the door. Without bothering to check the peephole, I tore the door open, only to reveal the two people I wasn’t really sure I wanted to see right then.

At least my life was never boring.