Life on stand by

It’s been a week since that horrible night, a week since I last heard of Adam, and a week of being texted to by Alex. I have mixed emotions about this I don’t know whether to feel happy that someone is actually taking the time to get to know me and worry about me or worried that this was just too good to be true. No one has ever taken this much of interest in me since Adam, but with Adam it was a completely differently story him and I started off as close friends he even use to be part of our small group. But once his band started their first tour all over our state he started to believe that he was better than all of us and started to take advantage of his hold over me. “You know it’s okay if you want to give him a chance” Johnny said as he tuned his guitar. We were both hanging out at Catty’s house well kind of, you see it was always very complicated to describe how Catty lived, her parents were both pastors to this odd religion about world peace, they hold all of their church ceremonies in this big house and in the backyard there’s a smaller shed like house that has two small bedrooms and a small bathroom there’s barely any room to move around but enough for us to all hang out and at the moment we were piled on the couch, Catty with a book in her hand and my head in her lap as I stared at my phone while Johnny sat on the floor with his acoustic guitar. “Give who a chance?” I asked trying to play innocent but failing, my friends knew me too well to know who has been on my mind for the last few days, and all the doubts that kept filling my head each time his face appeared in my head. “That guy that you keep waiting to text you” Catty said as she turned the page in her book with a smirk, they knew me too well. I put my phone down and folded my hands over my stomach, I knew it was wrong to get excited over something like this especially after all the hell that I went through, shouldn’t I have learned by now to know to never get my hopes up? “I’ve known him for awhile now he’s a good guy, he has his feet on the ground, and he has a goal for himself that doesn’t involve using people to get it” Johnny said referring to a certain lead singer that went by the name Adam, he’s always been a little bitter on that situation and who could blame him? He was used just as much as I was only I was able to let it to go and try to move on but the problems with Adam just kept piling up making it harder for John to just forgive him not that I would want him to anyway.

He began to strum his guitar to a tune Catty was already familiar too since she already started humming along. “Maybe your right, but I doubt he even sees me in that way, he’s just being nice trust me I know how you musician works, your all nice to a girl at first then you show her your music and she gets all ‘wow’d’ by it and starts spreading them around like a love struck groupie” I said as I rolled my eyes, so maybe now I’m being the bitter one but it just didn’t seem so real for someone such as Alex to take an interest in me unless he wanted something. I could hear Catty laughing as she closed the book and Johnny letting out a chuckle. “Calm down Mel, not all musicians are assholes like that hey look at me am I the type of guy that does that to girls?” Johnny asked as he looked up at us innocently again another reason to roll my eyes. “Sometimes but you don’t even realize that you’re doing it but when you do it it’s differently, it’s more pure” Catty said as she began stroking my hair, I could notice how a smile was beginning to grow on Johnny’s face when she said that. “Wow I’m getting an actual compliment from Caterina, I’m impressed are pigs flying? No wait the world is coming to an end” I couldn’t help but laugh, Catty just rolled her eyes and throw her book at him gently enough to not actually hurt him but to surprise him. “Watch it O’Callaghan, or that will be the last compliment you will ever get from me” Catty said in a playful yet serious tone. Just as I was about to say something I heard a familiar song begin to play from my blackberry, I swear I could feel my heart stop when I saw the name ‘Alex Gaskarth’ flash on the screen and I’m positive everyone noticed it too. “Pick it up!” Catty said as she nudged me which caused me to sit up abruptly as I answered the phone. “Uh hello?” oh gosh could I have sounded anymore stupid? Wait don’t answer that.

“I can’t believe I’m going through with this” I was staring at myself in the mirror of my bedroom, now we were all back at my house, Catty still shuffling through my closet while John was leaning against my closed door on the other side waiting for us to let him. You see when Alex called I just expected him to ask me for a name of a band he should check out or to let me know who was playing and that I should go not that he was actually going to ask me out on an actual date! My first real date, in public! Where the guy actually wants to be seen with me. I could have sworn that I must have been dreaming or this was some kind of joke but I could tell by his tone from the other side of the phone that Alex was completely serious. So now here I am standing in front of my mirror staring a myself wearing one of Catty’s many floral dresses, with white lace leggings that cut right below the knee and a pair of brown flats. “Are you sure this isn’t a bit much? I don’t look to fancy?” I’m never one to ever dress up like this, Catty has always been the one to wear the cute dresses and fancy tops and always pull it off for any occasion, me on the other hand I would just wear jeans and a tee shirt or one of those plaid tops just because they made me feel safe, but don’t get me wrong I love to wear dresses and fancy tops its just I feel I never could pull any of that off, thanks to my mom at least who would always judge me every time I put any of them on but luckily she wasn’t even home. “I think you look beautiful, that dress really compliments your figure in the right spots, he’s going to melt when he see you” Catty said as she walked over towards me with her favorite peace sign chain and placed it on me and began to fix my hair, by then we started to hear someone fiddle with the door and of course it was none other than Johnny Oh. “Woah who are you and what have you done with my best friend?” Johnny said that cause Catty and I to just burst out laughing. “Shocking I know, do you think it’s too much for a first date? Oh my gosh I can’t believe I’m going out on an actual date! Ah!” I said as I covered my face, I felt like such a little girl but in reality I’m freaking eighteen years old, just graduated from high school, got out of a weird yet complicated somewhat relationship, I’ve been kissed yet never really had a real boyfriend or been out on a real date, how much more lame could I possibly be? “Just relax the more you panic the more something is likely to go wrong which in this case it won’t because, you are beautiful, you are amazing and whatever happens tonight will be for the best remember that” Catty said as she finished picking my hair so half was up and the half was down in waves instead of it being straight. “She’s right Mel, tonight is going to be just fine don’t even think of it as a date just think of it as getting to know each other” John said as he placed his hand on my shoulder. They were both right everything was going to be fine, let’s not even think of it as a date more of a hang out as two friends getting to know each other yeah that would be the safest way to think of it and to not even bother with getting my hopes even remotely high.

Sitting at the edge of the shore my feet were bare and dug into the soft wet sand as the waves slowly kept creeping over barely grazing my buried feet, I sat there listening to the sounds of the wind and the waves crashing down staring out at the bright moon in front of me. Tonight’s events didn’t go exactly the way I pictured them to be at all, everything was a complete disaster. I should have taken it as a sign when Alex’s truck broke down halfway down the road or maybe we finally got to the restaurant how he accidently knocked over his coke all over my dress and it didn’t help at all that it was white or maybe it had to be the moment before when Jack called him saying that he just had to come to this party at this club downtown and when we got there the bouncer wouldn’t let him in and I had to talk my way into convincing him to letting us in which of course worked because no guy can ever turn down a sweet girl and of course it helped with the fact that I looked like a complete mess and he couldn’t have outside of his club, and once in we were you wouldn’t believe how many beautiful girls were there and how they immediately went after Alex. I should have taken it as a hint that this date was over the moment he let one of the girls grab his hand and asked him to dance with her but instead I went to the bar where Jack and Zack were sitting just exchanging shots and talking about how Alex was always the one to get the most girls whenever they out anywhere and slowly making me feel so self conscience when I stared down at myself noticing how different I must look surrounded by all these beautiful women while I myself am so plain. Yeah I think with that alone I took it as a hint enough to take the shot Jack gave me before I pushed myself off of the stool and out of the club. Now here I am trying my best to hold in the tears, I was right, right from the start to never get my hopes up. “Why did you run off back there, I was going crazy looking for you I need to tell you something” I felt Alex sit down right next to me it looked as if he had been running, all out of breath, his hair a mess, his shirt just as messed up as my dress. But I tried to keep my eyes focused on the ocean. “Don’t worry I get it, you don’t need to explain” I tried to hide the disappointment in my voice and keep a smile. “Don’t you don’t get it let me explain, this is not how I planned this date to go, you really don’t understand fuck!” I turned to see Alex flat on the sand with his hands covering his face he seem so disappointed and embarrassed and I didn’t understand why till I heard him speak again. “This is not how a date with Alex Gaskarth was suppose to go, I wanted everything to be perfect, I wanted you to see that not all guys are fuck ups, I wanted to hear you laugh, I wanted you to be able to see you smile and know that I caused it, but now I’ve been getting all the reactions I was scared to get. Melanie you have no idea how sorry I am and how bad I just want to dig myself a grave and bury myself six feet under” he still wouldn’t look at me and as I stared at him I couldn’t help but believe his every word how he didn’t plan for all of these mistakes and how he must have felt just as bad as I did. So instead I laid down next to him with our shoulders touching flat on the sand staring at the stars. “As long as we can be buried together under the stars it will be okay” I said as I let my lips slowly make a smile. I felt his hands leave his face and one slowly reach down to hold mine as he tilted his head so that our eyes finally met. “I promise next time will be better” I felt my cheeks begin to grow warm, was he serious? He really wanted to take me out again? “Wait next time?” I saw him laugh and the way the moonlight touched his face as he stared back at me removing a strand of hair that was falling over my eyes “Why wouldn’t there be?” he said as he kept his hand on my face his eyes not leaving mine just staring deeper in them as if he was searching for an answer, if only he knew how nervous he was making me right now. “ I saw you in there, all those girls are so beautiful why would want to settle for a plain boring girl like me?” I said as I tried to pull away from him, sitting up wiping the sand off of my hair but he sat right back up with me. “So what? I don’t feel for them what I feel for you, I think your more beautiful than any of them put together, Melanie don’t you get it? There’s something about you that makes me nervous because I can promise you I’m not this much of a mess, I can promise you I’m normally more composed then this but when I’m with you I’m a mess and that never happens” this time I felt my whole body tense up and my heart stop in place, was this really happening? Did he really just say those things to me? A million thoughts were going through my head at that very moment because no guy would ever just leave a club filled with hot women to be with someone like me. “Look I’d understand if you wouldn’t want to be with someone like me, you barely know me and I bet from everything you’ve probably heard about me you’d think I’m just a player but I’m not and after tonight…” But I didn’t let him finish instead for the first time in my life I took a chance and did something I thought I would never do before, I closed the small gap that was between us by letting our lips meet for a few short seconds. “I feel something for you too, I was nervous as hell today. Catty was right the more we focus on being nervous and wanting something to be perfect the more chances for it to be…” but my sentence was cut short when his lips met mine for another kiss this time much longer than the first one.

When he dropped me off at home, neither of us wanted to leave the comforts of his truck we wanted to stay longer and continue our talk about the world and how it was slowly going straight to hell with its bad music and people with no morals but looking at the time and seeing my mother’s car parked in the front would have been a good idea If I just left but before I could even open the door, Alex grabbed my hand and turned me towards him “ I have a show this Friday I want you to go, consider it our first make up date and this time let’s just be ourselves no need to impress because I’m already impressed” he said before kissing me again. I can really get use to these kisses like you have no idea I smiled and nodded my head before sliding off the seat and heading inside my house, careful to not make any sounds before rushing into my room and quickly calling Catty to fill her in on every detail. It’s funny how her saying for the night actually came true. Whatever happens tonight happen for the best, if half of those things didn’t happen I wouldn’t have realized just how much he really did care for me or how embarrassed he would get when things didn’t go as planned. I’m glad that for once in my life I wasn’t the only one that expected things to go a certain way and then it changing right before our noses into something we didn’t want or expect at all. I’m glad that for once in my life that there’s actually one person that has a found an interest in me and not a bad interest, a good one an interest that he wants to keep and show the world at least I hope he does but I have a good feeling about this.