Untitled

Its was never the same after she left. Apart of me wasn’t there anymore, I felt empty. My mom sent me to the local shrink, I went to the first five sessions. Every time I went she just went over the same old stuff, telling me that it wasn’t my fault and that I couldn’t of stopped it from happening. But she was wrong. It was my fault and I could of stopped it from happening. If only I had listened to all the signs I was getting , if only I hadn’t gotten angry at her, if only…
I guess your wondering how it happened. I vowed never to repeat what happened but I guess it doesn’t really matter now.

* * *

I opened my eyes to see my cat looking back at me, he was lying on my chest licking my chin.
‘Mmm.. Go away Charles,’ I murmured, pushing him off me. He jumped to the ground and scowled at me.
I didn’t want to get out of bed, I felt like I had been hit by a car. But I knew I couldn’t cancel, Belle, my best friend had invited me over many times but I had to cancel at the last minute.
I got out of bed and stumbled to my bathroom, rinsed my face then looked in my draws for something to wear. My favourite jeans were in the wash, dirty from the gardening I was doing yesterday. I decided on a denim mini skirt. It was the closest to jeans I could find. Belle always looked beautiful in anything she wore. She could wear a brown paper bag and still manage look stunning.
As I walked out into the kitchen mom was standing staring out the window with a cup of coffee in her hand.
‘Oh thank you mom, you read my mind.’ I grabbed the cup put of her hand and raised it to my mouth, nothing came out. She had already drunk it.
‘Got you.’ Mom smiled. She filled my cup back up coffee and sat down at the dining room table.
‘Want me to drive you to Belle’s or are you going to catch the bus?’ Mom asked.
‘I was going to catch the bus, so you don’t have to drive me.’ I opened the fridge.
‘There’s nothing to eat, I have to do the shopping today.’ Mum walked over to the coffee and poured another cup.
‘You addict, seriously. When you die I’m going to put a coffee cup in the coffin with you.’ I laughed.
‘Don’t forget the sugar,’ she said walking towards her room.
I went it to the bathroom and cleaned my teeth, brushed my hair and put on a little bit of make up.
‘Mom! I’m leaving, see you when I get back.’ I called to her.
‘Okay hun, have a nice time, say hello to Belle for me.’ She called back.

The bus was late, I kept checking my watch. Finally after twenty minutes I saw the bus turn the corner. When I walked on, there was no seats. So I had to stand up.
After a while all my blood was rushing out of my hand so I let go, but at that seconded the but suddenly stopped and I got flung forward and landed with a thump on the ground.
The bus hit a car, oh great, I thought. As I stood up I herd yelling from outside, the owner of the car was waving his fist at the bus driver. Lucky he wasn’t hurt, I thought. An ambulance and a police car came to see if everyone was okay, thankfully they were. After what seemed like years another bus came.
‘Someone must not want me to see her today.’ I said to myself.

As I knocked on Belle’s front door I herd the familiar sound of her dog barking.
‘Go away Buster!’ I herd Belle yell from inside, the door opened and she smiled.
‘Hi Jessie! You’re a bit late!’ She laughed looking up at the clock on the wall, ‘An hour late in fact.’ She raised her eyebrow.
‘Sorry, my bus hit another car then it took forever for another to come and so on and so forth. Anyway, what are we going to get up to today?’
‘Well I don’t know yet,’ Belle said closing the door. ‘We could go into town and watch the new James Bond movie. Its on in like an hour, so we could go get something to eat.’ She grinned.
‘Your totally obsessed with James Bond aren’t you, Belle. But I would like to see it, I only have..’ I looked into my wallet. ‘I have 3 dollars though.’
‘That’s okay, I’ll pay.’ She picked up her cellphone and wallet and opened up the door again. ‘Age before beauty.’ She grinned.
‘Oh thanks,’ I said sarcastically. ‘ Are we gonna walk?’
‘No I was thinking about flying. Of course were walking Jessie.’ She rolled her eyes.
‘Okay, okay.’ I smiled.

The café we went to was packed! A women in front of us couldn’t speak proper English, and the man behind the counter couldn’t hear her over the loud voices. Finally she got what we wanted, it was our turn.
‘Two d’cafe flat whites to go, please.’ I said. ‘Oh can we have marshmallows with it?’
‘Sorry, we have none left.’ The man said.
‘Okay then.’ I frowned over at Belle. She handed over the money and we stood back.
‘Ugh.. The movie is starting in like fifteen minutes!’ Belle said looking at her watch impatiently.
I took our cups and handed one to her.
‘Thanks, come on. We have to run to get there in time.’ She speed off.

‘Oh great! Just what we needed, eh?’ I said to Belle.
The line was huge. And the movie was about to start.
‘Lets just forget about the movie, lets go to the beach and just hang out there.’
We sat on the swings at drank our coffees, which, by the way, tasted horrible.
Just then I saw the person I liked walking over to us.
‘Oh no, he’s coming.’ I whispered over to Belle.
‘Keep calm.’ She whispered back.
‘Er.. Hi Belle.’ He said. We all new each other from school, he was one of the mates in our group.
‘Hi Seth.’ She raised an eyebrow.
‘I was wondering if I could have your number?’ He asked Belle.
She blushed.
‘Why?’ She asked.
‘Oh, I thought we could meet up some time.’ He smiled.
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
‘Um, okay then. If u really want it.’
‘Oh, cool!’ He pulled out his phone and Belle called out her number. ‘Thanks Belle!’ He looked at me but didn’t say anything, and we walked off.
‘Wow, freaky.’ Belle said looking over at me.
My mouth was an O shape. ‘You gave him your number! I can’t believe you, you knew I liked him! Why did u go and do that for?’ I nearly yelled.
Belles mouth opened and closed. ‘I dunno. I. He asked for it.’ She looked at me. ‘If you don’t want me to I wont go out with him anywhere.’
‘That’s not the point, you knew I liked him. How would you feel if Jason asked me for my number and I gave it to him?’ I said standing up, Jason was her crush.
‘I-’ She started.
‘You would hate it!’ I cut in. I started walking off, I new if I stayed around her any longer I would end up hitting her.
‘Wait, Jessie, come back.’ She came jogging after me and touched my shoulder.
‘Don’t touch me, I’m so angry right now. I hate you!’ I said, not really meaning it.
Her face fell and her eyes filled with tears.
I didn’t really notice, I was till so wrapped up in myself. I walked out onto the road not looking back.
I herd a screech of tiers.
A crunching sound.
And screams all around me.

I looked around and nearly fell over. Belle was lying half under a car and blood was in a pool around her.
‘Belle!’ I yelled. I ran over to her and kneeled down. People were pushing around me, crowding around her.
‘Get away!!’ I yelled at them, I started crying and hot tears fell onto her.
‘Someone call an ambulance!’ I herd someone screech.
I moved Belles shoulders. ‘Wake up, please.’ I whispered. ‘I don’t hate you, I love you so much. Please don’t leave me. You can go out with him I don’t care, just please wake up.

Blood was all over my legs and arms, but I didn’t care. In the distance I herd the sirens blaring.
The driver was still in her car. Holding the steering wheel her knuckles where white and her face was white.
I picked up Belles hand, it was still warm. I squeezed it, and that was the last thing I remembered.
I blacked out.

Everything was dark. My eyelids felt heavy but I made them open.
I was in hospital, for a while I didn’t know why I was in there.
I suddenly remembered.
‘Belle!’ I yelled. Mom cam shuffling over to me.
‘Honey its alright, your in hospital.’ She held my hand and peered at me with big eyes.
‘Where’s Belle, is she alright?’ I sat up and looked around.
‘I dunno honey, they took her somewhere else.’ She pushed the hair back off my face.
‘It was my fault! I was mad at her. I said I hated her. I don’t!’ I started crying.
A male nurse came in, a sullen look on his face.
‘Jessie?’
‘Yes? Where’s Belle? Is she alright?’ I practically yelled at him.
He walked over to the side of my bed.
‘I’m sorry Jessie.’
‘No!’
‘Belle died on the way over to the hospital, we tried everything to save her. But she gave up.’ He looked down at his shoes. ‘I’ll leave you alone.’
I laid back onto the hard hospital bed and looked up at the ceiling. I started to shake and my Mom held me in her arms.
I couldn’t believe it, she’s dead, and its all my fault. The whole afternoon played back in my head, all the sings.

Belle Rogers died on the 14th of March 2006. My best friend, my other half.
Her parents have moved away. They couldn’t stand living in the same place as it happened. Me? I’ve never been the same, a few weeks after her death I crossed the same road she died on. The blood stain still there. That’s when I had my mental brake down. Right in the middle of the road. I just wanted it all to end.
I started to run, as far away from that spot as I could. People were a blur, my legs seemed to be taking me somewhere. But where?
A cliff. I finally stopped, my body had taken me to the edge of a cliff. I looked over, jagged rocks and thundering waves beckoned me to join them.
I looked up at the sky and new she was waiting for me.
I jumped, the wind in my hair felt great.