Baby, Just Breathe.

It would have been easier to step back and forget everything.
Yes, it would have, if John stopped sending me those kinds of signals people always talked about.
At dinner, Mrs. O’Callaghan asked me about my mom and I really hoped she didn’t ask about my dad, then I tried to change topic, so I asked about her job. In all this, John was listening quietly. When his mom asked him his plans, and if the band would have gone for tour sooner or later again, he answered he didn’t know for sure but Tim was managing something for October. At the end, he added that he was happy being home for a while, because he needed time to relax and to get his old life back.
I wanted to help Mrs. O’Callaghan with the dishes but she said that I did enough for the day; Sophia asked me to go up to her room and read a story for her before going home, and I really couldn’t deny it to her.
She changed into her PJ and crawled into bed while I was reading ‘The Little Prince’. It didn’t take long for her to fall asleep; I put the book on the bedside table and sighed before decided to head home.

“You’re a pretty good reader”

I didn’t notice that John was there until he talked. Of course, he scared me.

“And you’re a pretty good creeper”

He laughed, trying to not wake his sister. I turned off the little lamp on the bedside table and got out of Sophia’s room, closing the door after me. John was still there, staring at all my movements.

“Are you going?”

“Yes I am now. Have a goodnight John”

“Goodnight to you too Lauren”

I walked down and said goodbye to Mrs. O’Callaghan before going out the house. I felt like that one was my second house for the summer, because I’ve been spending a lot of time in there in the past month.
At home, mom was watching the TV, drinking coffee from a giant cup. I joined her and she asked me about the dinner. I wasn’t tired but I managed to go to bed early anyways. Of course, John was still in my mind.
That thought didn’t really want to leave my head, and trying to push it away was useless, that I gave up.

“What do you want to do today?”

As usual, I needed to know what Sophia had in mind for the day.

“Can we go to the park and have a pic-nic like the other day? Maybe John can come with us”

Please no.

“John is busy today babes, but I will come after practice to pick you two up ok?”

John was reading the mail while having breakfast, something that make him look mature and grown up.

“We will wait for you then! I’m going to get dressed so we can go!”

Sophia ran upstairs while I was standing in the kitchen waiting. That silence was awkward.

“Are you going to wait for me too?”

“What?”

“I said, are you going to wait for me like Sophia will?”

“Is that even a question?”

“Yes, it is. I was just wondering, don’t be aggressive”

“I’m not aggressive”

“Yes, you are. And not to mention that you are just with me, which leads me to think you don’t like me”

“John I…I don’t dislike you, but sometimes you assume things about me”

“Like what”

“Again, that I’m one of those fan girls of yours. OH MY GOD YOU’RE JOHNOH FROM THE MAINE!”

He laughed as I pretended to act like one of those fan girls he knew. He nodded and sighed.

“Ok, I got it. I’ll try to stop assuming things about you then”

Sophia got back dressed with a t-shirt of Hannah Montana and a pair of white jeans: she was a big girl who knew how to get dressed properly. We all got into John’s car and he drove to the park to drop us off.
He told us he would have come back as soon as he finished with the practices.
We found a perfect spot under a tree, and then we started to play cards. It didn’t take long to be hungry, so we ate the sandwiches her mother prepared for us. They were delicious.
After that came the heat: I didn’t let Sophia go play under the sun because there was too hot, so I read her the end of ‘The Little Prince’, until she fell asleep with her head on my legs. She was so precious.
The place was silent and we were the only ones in the park: that peace was relaxing me.
Later on the place was full of people, so Sophia woke up because of the noise. She saw a couple of her little friends from school so I let her go and play. I laid down on the blanket and took a little time for myself, so I started to listen to my I-pod. I even probably fell asleep myself, until I heard someone next to me; I opened my eyes, finding out it was John. I didn’t expect him to be there, even if he told us he would have come.

“Did I scare you again?”

“Pretty much”

“Sorry about that. What are you listening to?”

I gave him one headphone and he listened for a while, moving his head at the rhythm.

“Smashing Pumpkins, great choice”

“I like them a lot”

“So you don’t just listen to Katy Perry”

I laughed and I remembered the first time we met, then I shook my head.

“Listen; is your offer to help me at my party still on?” I nodded “we should set the house and prepare the drinks and food. People will arrive at 7.30pm”

“I’ll be at yours at 5pm, is that ok?”

“Perfect” I smiled “thanks a lot”

“It’s ok, I don’t mind helping, but you owe me, remember”

“I will for sure”

We smiled to each other and I felt like the time could have stopped in that exact second. His smile was probably the most gorgeous thing I’ve ever seen in my life. I looked away before blushing.
Sophia saw John so she ran to him and hugged him: I loved the way they loved each other. I loved the way John actually cared about that kid, and he wasn’t ashamed to show it.
They played for a while, tickling each other, then Sophia went back to the little sand place to play, leaving John and I alone again. It was awkward, at least for me. There was too much silence between us.
He laid down on the blanket and I thought he had his eyes closed as I couldn’t see under his sunglasses, so I started to stare at him wondering how someone could have been so beautiful.

“Is it everything ok?”

“Yes, why?”

“Why are you staring at me?”

Shit.

“Nothing, nothing” I cleared my throat “I was just thinking”

“About what?”

“Things”

“What kind of things?”

I puffed.

“You’re too much curious John, not even Sophia is that much, and she’s a kid”

“I told you I am a kid as well when I want to”

“A kid who is about to turn 22 soon”

“Well, I could be 22 but in my mind I’m still 13”

“So I guess you’re still going through puberty”

“Pretty much, yeah. In fact, I have just seventeen chest hair and even if I tried to grow up a pair of moustaches, it was useless, which means that I am still in my puberty”

“This should be a big knocking out for your ego and your virility”

“It is indeed”

I laughed and looked over Sophia who was helping another kid to build a castle of sand.
Suddenly John became serious and changed topic.

“Today Tim told us we will be start a new tour overseas in September”

“Wow that’s amazing!”

“Yeah, we are leaving for the Philippines on the 20th of September”

“I’ll be already gone at that time”

“I know”

“You sound like you’ve been counting the days”

“Who says I didn’t”

I didn’t reply at that, because I felt really awkward. We were talking like we were about to leave forever, like we were together, and I didn’t like the way he tried to play that sick game to find out if I was into him.
He was trying every way to make me fall and I was trying to pay attention. It always worked, until that day.
But seeing him every day, talking to him, flirting, being that close…wasn’t helping me at all.
Actually, it was making me want him even more. And that wasn’t right. Falling for him was out of discussion. We would have left town in a month, it would have been stupid even thinking to spend a month together, and it was even more stupid thinking that John would have wanted to stay with someone like me.
I should have stopped caring and wondering. Yeah, I should, but that didn’t mean I would.