Baby, Just Breathe.

At eight o’clock in the morning I didn’t want to stay in bed anymore. For the whole night I just moved into the bed without sleeping at all, and even if I was tired I just wanted to go out of that house and get back to mine. I got dressed and went downstairs trying not to wake John up. I thought he was sleeping on the couch but he wasn’t there. I looked around, until I found him in the kitchen.

“Oh, you’re up”

“Yes…and so are you, apparently”

“I couldn’t sleep”

“Isn’t my bed comfy?”

“Your bed is ok...why are you up so early?”

“I couldn’t sleep either actually”

“Your couch looks comfy though”

“It is indeed” we both stayed silent for a couple of seconds “Listen, you don’t need to help me here, I did the most, I just have to throw the garbage out, so yeah you’re done I guess”

I find him a bit rude, like he wanted to have me out as soon as possible. He was cold and I didn’t know why. I thought I did something wrong but actually I didn’t, so I didn’t get why he was that weird with me.

“Are you sure?”

“A hundred per cent, thanks. See you tomorrow yeah?”

I just nodded and walked out, disappointed and sad. I felt something was wrong with him and I wanted to go back and ask him: ask him why he was treating me like a stranger. He made me sleep in his own bed, he made me think he cared about me because he didn’t want me to go home late, he made me fall for him, but now everything seemed like nothing. I felt hurt.
I went home and as soon as I entered the kitchen my mom started asking question about the night, and why I didn’t come home. I just tell her to leave me alone, and when I got in my bedroom I locked myself in.
I threw my bag on the floor and wanted to crawl into bed until the next day.

Apparently, it happened.
I woke up in the afternoon with a massive headache, still dressed and with the pillow full of make-up.
I managed to go and have a shower, before going downstairs and wait for my mom who was just waiting to ask questions that would have filled her curiosity. She understood something was wrong, though.

“Do you want to talk about it darling?”

“Do I have choice?”

“I just want to help you”

“By doing what? By saying that he probably likes me back but he doesn’t know how to handle it because maybe he is shy and being a famous band guy doesn’t help? Oh well that’s encouraging!”

“Amanda there’s no need to be aggressive and sarcastic with me”

I puffed. I hated when she called me with my second name.

“I’m sorry ok? I’m just confused”

“I’m sure that he is confused as well, that’s why he acted that way. Maybe you can ask him why, tomorrow”

“Oh yes, maybe I can go up to him and ask why he made me think I had chances after all but then he treated me like a stranger the next morning, without even having sex in the night. That would have been ok because at least I would have known why he reacted like that”

“I don’t think John has had girlfriends before you know” she said, looking even pretty sure “although he wouldn’t have waited long to make you his. Guys who are full of themselves have every girl they want. John can look sure about himself but in reality I think he’s really shy around girls”

By thinking about that statement my mom did, I remembered when John told me about his fans. And when he told me he felt comfortable around me. I sighed. I didn’t know what to think. I never had those kind of problems before and that was why I avoided them. But with John it was impossible not to fall. He was too precious and amazing. Even if sometimes he made me so nervous and angry because he looked like he knew it all, when we talked about stuff, he was utterly nice. He was nice with everyone, especially with me.
That’s why I thought there was something going on, but then after that morning, I think I misunderstood his attentions towards me. I’m not keen in relationship, so I can’t fully get if and when a guy’s into me.
How should I have understood if John liked me back? He could have done and said things that made me think he did, but now it was like my castles of sand just collapsed in a second.

“Whatever mom. I’ll just try to act normal tomorrow. Anyway I can’t have him, because in September we will both leave and I don’t want to be hurt or anything”

“It’s your choice and your life sweetheart. But if you need anything…”

“Yes, I know…and thanks”

All of a sudden I thought that if she didn’t get me that job, I wouldn’t have felt like shit in that moment.
But I couldn’t really blame her. Who would have thought that Sophia had a brother like John, and that he was so charming that I couldn’t just stop falling for him over and over?
I got back in my room and I decided to wait until the next morning by entertaining myself with a movie, a book, and my computer. Of course, everything I did reminded me of John. I wanted to shoot myself in the head, or maybe lose my memory. It would have been easier to forget who he was and why he made me felt so miserable. He was my first proper crush, and I didn’t like the sound of that statement.

It was night, almost 11pm, when my phone started to ring like mad. I didn’t know the number, but I answered the call anyway.

“Hello?”

“Hey Lauren it’s me”

“Me…who? Who is this?”

“Oh come on Lauren, it’s John”

Dammit.

“John how did you get my number?”

“Does it really matter? Listen, can you come outside for a second?”

“Outside? Why, where are you?”

“I’m outside your house actually”

“Are you kidding me?”

“Why would I? Look out of the window”

I did it, and he was there. He was outside my house, waiting in my garden. He waved at me and I did the same but definitely not convinced. He acts weird in the morning then he acts like nothing happen in the night? Was he trying to make my mind explode?

“Ok, what do you want?”

“I want you to come down for a second”

“John it’s late”

“Who cares, it will take a minute, pretty please?”

“Can’t you just wait for tomorrow?”

“No, because if it wasn’t important I would have waited for tomorrow! So, are you coming or not?”

I puffed. I was curious but still, I didn’t want him to win again. It was like a game he was playing with me.

If it’s just a game, I like the way that we play.

“Ok, let me get dressed and I’ll be there in a sec”

I got dressed with a pair of shorts and a tank top and ran down to see what the big problem was at that hour of the night. He sounded like it was urgent and for a moment I though that involved Sophia.
I walked straight to him while talking randomly.

“John you can’t just come to my house and expect me to come out at 11pm, what is wrong with you”

I couldn’t finish the sentence, because as soon as I found myself in front of him, his lips crashed into mine, and I felt like the world was falling down. Yes, he was kissing me. John was kissing me and I couldn’t believe it. I thought he was drunk, but my tasting his lips I could tell he was 100% sober.
The contact lasted for a couple of seconds, and my heart was racing so much it could have won a race cup.
I looked into his eyes, those amazing green eyes, and I wanted to feel those lips again. They were delicious.
It was unbelievable. John kissed me and now we were so close it could have happened again.

“What was this for?”

“It’s my birthday gift”

I smiled weakly and so did he. That kiss was his birthday gift. He could have kissed tons of girls who would have killed somebody to have it. But no, he decided to kiss me.

I was his birthday gift.

“I’m sorry if I acted like a total jerk this morning, I was confused. You make me dizzy”

“This is the first time you don’t sound like a jerk, actually”

“Oh come on, give me credit”

I giggled and just wanted to hug him. He was adorable. That whole moment was perfect.
Before that kiss I felt in hell, and then I felt in heaven. John had that skill: he made me change my feelings in a blink of an eye. He had such a strong ascendant on me and I couldn’t help it.

He made me change my ways.

“I have to go, mom and Sophia are just back, I told them I had to do something urgent”

“Did your mom find out about the party?”

“Fortunately not, and don’t you dare”

“I won’t, pinky promise”

“Good” he smiled and I felt my legs weak.

He had the most amazing…smile.

“See you tomorrow then”

“Yes. Good night John”

“Good night Lauren”

He walked back then he stopped and looked at me again.

“I forgot something”

“What is it?”

And then, before going away, he kissed me again.