Autocide

There's a dull ache and it won't fucking stop.

But

Ahh what is it? Fuck...it's like...liiiiiiike death. Death raping the gorgeous little piece of tail called Gravity.

And...

And

Something is nagging at me. Time maybe. I don't know. Like a clock's tattooing on my forehead, tattooing my words per minute, laughing at me.

The walls whisper, you know. They're laughing.

What have they to laugh about? They're damp and rotting.

I'm damp and rotting. My underwear's soaked through in shitty blood and my blood's wrong. It's sick - I'm sick. Sick sick...a foetus that was vomited by the mother. A mistake.

And...dictionaries. I've read them and the letters look weird after a while. Especially the letter R.

rostrum royal rice ricin rape rapier rancid rope rescue.

But who would save a wretch like me? Is that howyouspell wretch? Retch. Vomit child: oh Holy Puke of the Sacred Ejaculate. Jizz and puke and blood and piss. Damp humans rotting l.ike wood. Fuck!

And wood's useless. I'm useless.

Nothing seems good enough. I write a word but the letters look weird so I rub them out again. Erase erase - self-erase? Can you? If I downed a shot of Tippex, would I disappear? Guts first...the hunger would stop, then the urination, then the heart, then the lungs, then the skin and the bones. Maybe that's what worms are. Tippex

And suicide. Weird word. Why is it not autocide. Auto- the self. -Cide to malky. To malky thy self. Where the fuck does the Sui sewer shit come from?

Maybe humans are just shit. Shitacide.

And the words won't come. Not in essays or poetry or suicide [autocide, I do believe, Ed.] notes.

Words are long letters and letters mean sod all.

eye circle square triangle horse.

eye gee yup.