Different Stars

It had been 2 months since her parents visit. For about a month, everything was fine. Better than fine actually, it was wonderful. Cadence felt comfortable with Sidney in a way that she’d never experienced before and was sure she’d never find again. It was that odd feeling of knowing what someone was thinking by just a simple facial expression. She’d never understood anyone beyond her best friends like that and she’d never been intimate with someone like this before.

So, it had been a total surprise when Sidney had come home mad one evening because the pictures of them with Maria at the bakery had slowly made their way through various internet channels to the media. It was not a story here in the states, and was only a semi-story in Canada because it was just a rumor. But still, a few reporters had been asking about it.

After that incident, he’d been on edge. So when new a picture of her doing a sound check while wearing one of her Penguins shirts had surfaced, the story had gained some credence. Why Sidney just didn’t admit to it was something that sparked many arguments between them. Suddenly she felt her life devolving into an uncharted territory of fights and pointless arguments. She’d been on tour for the past few weeks and was scheduled to go home to Sidney tomorrow. She should be excited about it, but all she could think about was that she didn’t want to fight with him anymore. Maybe she was being stupid and just needed to relax about their relationship status, but she couldn’t stop tossing and turning all night.

=
She watched him through the plexiglass. How someone managed to look graceful and frighteningly strong at the same time Cadence would never understand. She was watching a Penguins game, having snuck in wearing a plain hoodie and jeans. She was also minus any makeup and her hair was in a ponytail. She felt ugly like this, but she knew it was the easiest way to go without someone noticing her.

During warmups, Sidney had looked her way and gave her a smile, then returned to stretching. That was the only acknowledgment she’d gotten from him and while she was ok with that,; however, Aiden couldn’t help but make a comment about it. He’d come to the game with her because he was bored with Pittsburgh and he wanted to see Sidney and Cadence in action.

“I suppose at least he looked at ya.” Aiden said then ate a chip.

“Mmm…” Cadence didn’t answer really. Just looked at Aiden with a smile.

“That is better than nothing at all.” He added and shot a smirk back at her.

“I know what you’re doing, Aid.”

“Eating a bag of crisps?” He said, then held the bag of chips in her direction. “Want any?”

“No, thank you.” Cadence shook her head. “I meant with Sidney. You’re the only one that is willing to listen to my whining anymore.”

“You listen to mine. I owe it to you.”

“That’s true.” Cadence looked around. Luckily, there weren’t that many people in their section yet. So Cadence felt like it was ok to talk like this. “It’s not like I expected him to throw me a puck or anything.”

“You didn’t expect it, but you wanted him to.” Aiden shook his head a little. “Women. You hold these things inside and then they come out in the middle of an argument.”

“That’s it, Aid. I’m so tired of fighting with Sidney. You know, he told me when we first met that he thought maybe something was wrong with him and he couldn’t ever really love anyone. Like it was just not a gene he got.”

“Cadee. He loves you.”

“I know, but I’m not sure that he loves me enough and I’m tired of feeling like a secret. I’m tired of not being able to go out and do things that everyone else does.” She paused to think. “You know we got back from tour a week ago and we haven’t gone out once. Not even to dinner or lunch. Now that I’m thinking about it, we always go out separately.”

Aiden’s brow wrinkled. “Cadee you need to talk to him. I don’t mean start at him, coming all accusingly. Just ask him, in a completely rational voice and don’t get angry. There has to be a reason that he is so secretive. He’s not broken; there’s just got to be something more there.”

“I have.” Cadence said defensively.

“Love, I know you. I don’t think that you’ve probably been completely understanding about this.” Aiden softened his comment with a smile, but Cadence could see the firmness beneath his understanding.

“Maybe you’re right.” She said, then felt a rush of hope. “I’ll ask him after the game.”

“That’s my girl.” Aiden said as he tapped her nose gently.

........

But she hadn’t asked Sidney about it. They’d beat the Capitals 3-2 in overtime, and Sidney scored the winning goal. The whole team had gone out to celebrate and everyone was so happy that Cadence hadn’t had the heart to ask him about it and bring his mood crashing down. She kept telling herself that she’d ask him tomorrow, but tomorrow turned into a week.

And tonight, Cadence watched in horror as Sidney flat out denied that he was dating her. The reporter had asked him point blank if Sidney were dating her. “I’m not dating anyone, let alone some girl from a rock band. I’m too busy with the season.” Then the reporter had asked if he was dating anyone at all, and again he totally denied it. It had been too unbelievable for her that she’d had to rewind and watch it again. And again…and again…Damn Tivo. She watched the interview at least ten times. Suddenly, she stood. She felt numb for a moment before shaking herself and packing a bag. She set the bag next to the door and waited for Sidney to get home. She knew when he usually got home, so she asked for a cab to pick her up around then.

She ended up walking around the massive house aimlessly as she waited for him to be done. When he finally arrived, he found her staring at their closet fingering her way through his many suits.

“Why is there a suitcase packed by the door?” Sidney asked, and she heard the alarm in his voice.

“You have too many suits.” She told him dumbly, instead of answering his question.

“I wear them on game days.” He answered her, then went back to his original question. “The suitcase. Why is there a suitcase?”

“I watched your post game interview. You won your game tonight. Good job on that.” She said, and before he could ask again, she told him. “I’m leaving.”

“Leaving? You have to go play a show? I thought you had a break.”

“No. I’m leaving.” Cadence turned to face him. “I’m leaving this house. I’m leaving Pittsburgh, and…you…or us, I guess.”

He stood there shocked for a moment. “You can’t leave .”

“Yes, “Kid” I can leave.” She used the nickname he hated. He flinched at hearing it, and Cadence hated to hurt him, but she was dying.

“Why? I know that we have problems, but you can’t leave.”

“I’m tired, Sid. So tired of not being enough.” Cadence said, then she stormed out of their bedroom and into the hallway. She knew that he’d follow her, but she was so upset right now that all she wanted was for him to leave her alone.

He grabbed her arm as she was throwing her purse over her shoulder. “Cadee.” She looked at him and could see the sadness in his eyes.

“No.” She frantically shook her arm to dislodge his hand.

“Cadee.” He voice was more frantic this time and he tried to pull her close to him into a hug. She shook her head violently.

“No. I said no, Sidney.” She took a shaky breath, pulling away fully. “I’m not just here for you when you want me. I know that you think it’s crazy but I need to be the most important thing in your life - not hockey. And I need for you to not be scared that people will find out you have a girlfriend.” She saw his jaw clench and she let out a hysterical laugh. “I’ve moved to Pittsburgh to be with you.” She threw her purse back on the counter with a slam. “The guys moved here to work on our new album. I moved my whole life so that we could be together. And the band agreed to move so the we could be together, and you don’t even care.”

“I care. You know that’s not true. I love you.” Sidney’s voice was rising too.

“I believe you. I don’t doubt that you love me. I just doubt that you love me enough.”

“What does that mean? There are degrees of love?” He was being sarcastic now. He was hurt and this was the only way he’d learned to deal with it.

Cadence shook her head. “I guess I am crazy. I mean, I must be, because I actually thought that this could work.”

“You’re being irrational.” He told her. She jerked her head up to look at him fully. Now she was really fighting the tears.

“I’m being irrational?” She choked back a sob. “I need you to be here with me completely. You’re ashamed of me. You don’t talk about me, you don’t mention me in interviews, even when they specifically ask. I saw your interview tonight. I’m not dating anyone, let alone some girl from a rock band. I think those were your exact words. I know that hockey and your privacy are important, but I need to be important too. Even now, you’re sitting there thinking that you have a to get to bed so that you can catch your plane tomorrow. It’s always more important than us.” She pointed a finger between the two of them.

“I’m not thinking that. I’m thinking that you can’t just leave like this. You have to give me another chance. I didn’t know what to say when the reporter asked me that question. And I do have to get to bed. It’s my job. I play hockey.” Sidney told her. He was calm again and she hated him even more for that.

“I’ve given you too many chances already. How could you not be prepared for that question? They have pictures of us together. Pictures of me in some of your shirts.” She stopped for a moment and the silence chilled her to her core. She continued honestly, “I’m exhausted, Sid. I’m out and you can go back to your job. I can’t be the only person in this relationship that gives a damn.”

Sidney shook his head. “That’s not how this is. I love you.”

“The words alone are not enough, Sid.” Cadence wiped a tear and she smiled semi-jokingly. “I guess I wasn’t enough. Love doesn’t conquer all; life isn’t like the movies.”

“You’ve always told me that this was work; That relationships aren’t magic. We both have to decide to work to be together.”

“But you aren’t even trying.” She said, her voice breaking with emotion. She turned back toward the door.

When he didn’t try to stop her this time her heart shattered the rest of the way. She got into the taxi and slammed the door. The driver hadn’t even driven a block before she lost her composure entirely. She was sobbing now, not caring that people could see into the car, that her nose was red and her mascara was running down her cheeks.