Carvings in the Ice

"So... two guys in the span of a week. That's, um, impressive, Anna."
She rolled her eyes and ignored Johnny as he perched on the other bed and watched her pack. Leggings, sweats, dresses. Shoes. Everything was in here. She flipped shut her rolling suitcase and focused on the outside pockets.
"If only I'd gotten that much play," he continued dreamily. "I'd be-"
"Johnny." She had to look at him before she'd realized she was snapping again. "Could you...please?"
"Sorry," he said, more meekly than she'd ever heard him. She didn't care if he was hurt, though. Not until a moment later, when she was frantically looking for her pads and realized she'd already tucked them in the inner pocket of the suitcase. She exhaled, put her hands over her face. Felt Johnny's arms around her.
"Okay, I promised I wouldn't do this, but... you really do need it, sweetie."
She let out a sob of thanks and sat on the ground, against her bed. He sat next to her, his arm around her. For once, he didn't have anything to say. He just let her gather herself, put everything back together.
"I'm... a dumbass, aren't I?" she asked after a while, sniffling. Her eyeliner was smudged under her eyes.
"Well... yeah. But could you help it?"
"Could I help it..."
He looked in her suitcase for something resembling a tissue and, smiling, found a travel pack. "God, you're such an old lady sometimes. Thank God for that. Fix your makeup."
She chuckled a bit, taking a tissue and wiping at her eyes.
"Look, Annabelle. I'm not that proud of you for doing what you did last night. You did it out of desperation, and we both know that."
"I know."
"I know you know. My point is, you shouldn't do that to yourself."
She shrugged. "I know I shouldn't. I don't know what happened last night... I thought I wanted him. And I went for it."
"And?"
"I didn't want him that badly..."
"So why did you sleep with him?" he wanted to know.
She thought of Jonathan. Of the two golden girls, Yu-Na and Mao. Of her own roommate, Mirai, who'd been thought to do more than her. Of the friends who'd stopped talking to her once she seriously got into skating, calling her obnoxious and self-centered just because she liked working out and finding new music to skate to, rather than new alcohol to drink. Of her parents, who hadn't spoken to her since she'd decided to go on her own to Nationals- she wondered if they'd even bothered to keep track since then. And she spoke.
"I don't like feeling unwanted, I guess."
She closed her eyes and felt Johnny sigh next to her. "Oh, you poor silly thing. Don't think for a second that you are not wanted. Jonathan wanted you. Evan wanted you. And for more than your looks or your skating ability, too. That whole 'feeling unwanted' thing? That's all in your head. Someone had to have wanted you, or else you wouldn't be here. Am I right?"
She shrugged.
"Oh, don't give me that 'shrug' nonsense. I'm right." He kissed her head. "Now, come on, don't tell me you have prune juice in here too... let's go."

Patrick caught her just before she and Johnny left. "Hey," he said, panting. He'd run up the stairs rather than wait for the elevator, and he was clutching at a stitch in his side now. "Damn, am I that out of shape? Fuck..."
"Oh, wait. Anna, who's this?" Johnny said with more than a hint of interest.
"He's not interested, sweetie." She pulled Pat aside. "What's up?"
"I wanted... to say goodbye to you," he managed to say in between breaths. "And to see if you're okay."
"I'm... I'm fine. I will be, anyway." She nodded. Pat could tell there was more.
"Are you really sure? I know you and Jon... kind of... well-"
"We'll be okay. It wasn't really meant to last, right?" Annabelle tried smiling. It felt like trying to pry apart steel. "I'll be okay."
"Anna... he really did like you. He still does. A lot. I saw him the other day and he couldn't even look at me."
"Well, it..." Nothing else came to her lips. She stopped, sighed. "Why is this shit so complicated, hmm?"
He chuckled a little. "I don't know. But it doesn't have to be. Trust me."
Patrick reached out and hugged her tightly, kissing her cheek. "Just try talking to him," he said softly in her ear. "Not tomorrow, though... well, maybe tomorrow. He'll need some cheering up after we beat Canada's asses."
She laughed, squeezed him, and let go. "I love you, loser."
"Love you too, prissy." He ruffled her hair and smiled. Then he was gone. Annabelle looked over at Johnny, who had his arms crossed, leaning against the wall. He blinked at her.
"What? Oh, God, don't tell me..."
"No. I know we need to go. I only wish we didn't."
"Technically, we're adults. So no, we don't. We'll just have to pay our own way if we don't make that plane, and I can afford it, but..."
"But...?" She waited, a tiny bubble of hope swelling in her chest as she saw the conflicting emotions on his face. "Johnny, I never-"
"I know, I know, you never ask me for anything. God, you're still such a spoiled brat." But he was smiling. "Fine, we'll stay. And we'll tell your loverboy you're sorry. Happy now?"
She ran at him and hugged him, making him stagger. "Okay, okay, don't kill me," his voice sounded somewhere within her shoulder, muffled and gasping. "I need to stop being such a freaking romantic, though... I mean, really. It's so bad for my image."
"Oh, hush. You'll live." She grinned and brought her suitcase back into her room to unpack. "We'll have to let everyone know we're staying just one more night."
"Everyone?" he asked slyly. "So I can go downstairs and tell TMZ?"
"You know what I mean." She rolled her eyes and pulled out her phone, making sure to scroll over Jonathan's name. He was one person who wasn't going to know about this until tomorrow.